Me and my girlfriend of over 19 months split up. This is me trying to get some of the confused thoughts out of my head Why? A bleak future, Reckless with self-loathing, Hate for you, Oh, this lack of control is a disease, Why should the infection, this affliction, That slowly drowns me behind a fractured beauty, Like a mirror with too many stains, affect me? Call it a waste, a waste of my time, Why should I look forward to the future, When the present is a dirty road falling away, Brick by brick, slipping at my aching heart, A heart as tired and aching as every muscle, And every muscle hurts from the fighting. Cheating, daggers of words, months of false hope, With a cause I can’t find the answer for and he won’t give, All of this burning, creating a past where every raindrop hides a tear, And every single moment is marked by a scar, All of them there because you don’t care. Is this too vitriolic? Have I over-stepped the boundaries, Is this winter of stings from unknown creatures, And sometimes known sources too malicious, Would the remaining love be shattered and crushed, If the world, these words are painting, was touched by your breath, As you rip the heart out of me and leave a hole, And this one can’t be fixed, because there’s a steady, Drip, drip, drip, from the open wound, on my outside healed, inside collapsed arms. Though it doesn’t really matter, it’s sin wherever it is. But the pressure outside changes me into this, It’s the only escape, because then, then, Then in that euphoric moment of cold metal on numb skin, Followed by the gentle flow of crimson heat, I can focus all of this raging storm and doubt in my head, Into a gentle, warm, summers rain that can’t turn on me. Or not at least until later, When all the pain will come back, all the pain traced back, To you, me, them, her, him, everyone, All I want to know is, why does any of it matter? ...thoughts please...