The Venting Out Thread 2

Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by Michele, Jul 24, 2015.

  1. Evan

    Evan Well-Known Member

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    I've finally emerged from an 8-ish year depression, which is fucking awesome. Now I just have to ride out this shitstorm I've created for myself.

    Word
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2016
  2. Pat

    Pat LPA VIP LPA VIP

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    my uncle died. that would be the 4th death im facing in the last 2 years.
    dark thoughts surround me.
    help
     
  3. Michele

    Michele Praise Brad Delson, our Lord and Savior. LPA Addict

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    Oh fuck. I am sorry for your lost. :( I wish you and your faily all the best for the next time.
     
  4. polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

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    Duude, we're all here for you, man. I'm very sorry for your loss. Stay strong, Cypher. Don't do anything stupid.
     
  5. Susy

    Susy god break down the door LPA Contributor

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    So sorry to hear this, man. Especially knowing I'm gonna be in your situation sometime soon. Send a PM if you wanna talk to someone. :)

    All the best to you and your family.
     
  6. Captain-EO

    Captain-EO Eh, Gibs Is Aight I Guess LPA Super Member

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    Why is it so damn hard to get some people to be genuine? When I'm putting myself on the line and investing in putting myself out there it's not easy.
     
  7. brady

    brady Gibs you ignorant slut LPA Super Member

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    How could I have possibly gotten a 68% of that lab, all my data matched up with everyone in the class and wrote my conclusion with the exact format as countless times before. Well my grade is fucked now, guess I'll be taking the final. Fuck Chemistry.
     
  8. Captain-EO

    Captain-EO Eh, Gibs Is Aight I Guess LPA Super Member

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    Word.

    #banchemistry
     
  9. polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

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    I just feel really really frustrated at myself. Sigh.
     
  10. brady

    brady Gibs you ignorant slut LPA Super Member

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    I get into those moods sometimes too. Small mistakes and character flaws become big ones when in a relationship, even if she says it doesn't bother her that much. I'm just in constant worry that one day I'll fuck it up, and I get extremely stressed whenever she's in a bad mood, even if she isn't upset at me. Guess I'm used to blaming myself. It's really hard to overcome that.
     
  11. Michele

    Michele Praise Brad Delson, our Lord and Savior. LPA Addict

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    This became normality sometimes to me...
     
  12. polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

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    Makes sense, man. Me too. Just try to be as reasonable and calm as possible and openly discuss things that worry you in relationships. What more could you do, really?
     
  13. Captain-EO

    Captain-EO Eh, Gibs Is Aight I Guess LPA Super Member

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    Sticking to high standards of character is fucking hard when the people pressuring you not to have power over your life.

    Tomorrow will be hell.
     
  14. Michele

    Michele Praise Brad Delson, our Lord and Savior. LPA Addict

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    Arrrrrrrrghhhhh
     
  15. brady

    brady Gibs you ignorant slut LPA Super Member

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    I don't get why people have to be immature douchebags. Like do you have nothing better to do in your life than to say something every single time I pass you when I walk with my girlfriend? He makes me want to punch him in the face.
     
  16. Captain-EO

    Captain-EO Eh, Gibs Is Aight I Guess LPA Super Member

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    The answer there is no obviously.
     
  17. Andreina

    Andreina Proud Venezuelan LP fan. LPA Contributor

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    I rarely write into this thing but right now I just need an outlet to let my feelings go while I prepare to do some "hard work".

    This week I got broken. For no reason apparently.

    It all just started with an innocent joke my friends tried to pull on me prior to my birthday, they wanted to surprise me, congratulate me and have a small gathering to celebrate this special day. Unfortunately for them (and even more sadly for me) it turned out to be a really awkward morning and lunch, but it improved slightly in the afternoon.

    As I talked to them on our Whatsapp group the day before my birthday I was asking them whether they had any plans or travels for this Holy Week (we all got the full week off from our job), and in case they didn't have any well I would try and tell them to meet and hang out for a while. Apparently some of them were hanging out at one of my friends' house to plan what they would do for my birthday, and all agreed to "ignore" my messages or talk about something else or just fool around to distract me.

    I knew there was some joking around but as the evening came in, when that friend asked what we would do on my birthday I got a little irritated because I had been asking throughout the afternoon to no reply, so I told them that was exactly what I was trying to do and then decided to ignore the group chat altogether. Went for a bath and I listened to my phone's group alerts thinking they would be discussing that. Nope, they didn't.

    On my birthday morning I started to get calls and messages from friends and family but not from my close group of friends. Then something happened to me, I cannot even explain it myself properly but it's like a switch went off on me. I had this anxiety attack, went increasingly angry by the minute and started crying uncontrollably at how they had just ignored me altogether. I had flashes from past experiences.

    In my anger I started talking to myself (luckily nobody was at home) at how everytime I make friends, there always comes that part where they just only reach out to me when they need something. I've strayed away from some friends during my life and I know most likely I'm part responsible for it for not reaching out either, but it's that pain that, nobody cares, calls or writes to me in genuine interest or friendly love but it's always that "hey what's up? See I need you to help me with..." shit. Insecurity hit me like a train, I was completely shattered, broken, and started acting so irrationally, paranoid maybe? My friends then wrote me a happy birthday message but I had already lost it. My friend called me, I didn't answer. She then called me to my house phone a few mins later, I knew it was her and answered.

    I was crying at that moment so I try to disguise it in my voice. She was like "what happened?", -nothing. "I wrote you a message and you didn't answer", -I know. "I called you, where's your phone?", -I know you called, I have it here. "Why you didn't answer?", -I didn't want to. "So why did you pick up now?", -I always have to pick up my house's phone. "Listen, I don't like this attitude from you, we already had something set up for you, if you get it together please let me know". She hung up.

    With good reason. I was completely rude. Why? Fucking hell, why? I told her shortly after that I was hurt that everyone was ignoring me the day before, she called me again and I told her that if they had set that up to surprise me it went really wrong because they made me relive some things from the past. She apologized and said they all didn't want to hurt me, but still insisted it was not the right attitude and told me, just get ready, we will pick you up.

    They did pick me up, went for lunch, It was a bit awkward because I was a bit shaken and they knew it, but didn't quite understand the reason why. As the day progressed I felt better, we sliced a cake early night and everybody went home. What happened this day was not a simple tantrum, it was the straw that seemed to broke a camel's back that I didn't even know it existed. I had been blocking something for years and it came afloat.

    The whole point of this thing is that I didn't even know I had this in me. And after some things we spoke that day now I just feel somewhat depressed, insecure, anxious, and a whole spectrum of not-great feelings. I spoke to my friend (via whatsapp, which I didn't want to, I had rather spoken to her in person but there was no time) and explained to her in the detail that I feel this great pain and insecurity, she seemed to understand but right now I'm not in a good place. I'm questioning anything and everything. I'm questioning my ability to establish lasting social connections, why is it so hard for me to make friends, or actually keep them, and why I end up as the lone walker every single time when I never hurt anyone. I'm questioning the feelings my current friends may or may not have towards me, I'm questioning why is it so hard for me to express my affection towards my family. I'm questioning why am I not emotionally close to my mother and sister. I'm seeing all kinds of problems and now that I realize that I have this issue and need help, I'm questioning how long or how effective therapy might work on me. Will it take months, years for me to heal?

    I also feel anxious at getting lengthy commitments, because I want to leave the country but have no clue how, or no idea if I really want to. Do I want to spend 5 more years here? If I acquire a debt buying a car, starting my allergy treatment (which lasts 3-to-5 years), or this psychological therapy, do I have enough patience to stay here in this disaster? All of the sudden I've become so emotionally fragile that all seems like mission impossible.

    I broke, and it all started in the most silly way possible.
     
  18. polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

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    I wish I wasn't so controlled by my emotions. Even when I have goals, I have no idea to reach them. Not to mention, there are decisions I have taken that have made me feel utterly regretful. All wasted. Why even bother? I just feel so overwhelmed right now.
     
  19. outcastboy

    outcastboy Sure God's all powerful, but does he have lips?

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    panic/anxiety attacks happen to a lot of people without a clear reason why, it is not very well understood scientifically, but in a behavioral analysis it could be said that it is a way for your body to tell you that something is wrong, not properly a decease, because fear and anxiety are natural and very necessary for us, especially in order for us to deal better with the future, calculating risks, avoiding danger, making better choices and etc, but in a anxiety attack it gets out of control and unless you have panic disorder (which means that the attacks are going to happen more often), you can see this episode in a positive way, you probably need some kind of change in your life, maybe you are living in an unfulfilling life, taking too much responsibilities and not handling them well, not having enough time for yourself, having trouble in your social life, feeling insecure about how much others really like you, having too much expectations on yourself or some old unresolved issue from long ago... you will have to find that out.

    i am studying psychology and my professor had a panic attack when he was starting his carrer, he says it was a crucial moment for him, turned out he was exhausted, working way too much and needed to slow down, he did it, and althought at the moment he quit his job(one of them at least, he had 2 or 3 at the time), lost money, and pretty much had to start again. he says that that episode was what made him lead a better, healthier and happier life.

    i'd say that the best would be doing therapy with a psychologist and a psychiatrist too if you are willing to do it and can afford it( no idea how it expensive it could be, or where you live), it doesnt make you a crazy person or anything.
     
  20. Modern Guitar God

    Modern Guitar God LPA Super VIP LPA Super VIP

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    I'm 27 years old and still feel genuinely rejected by everyone. I should have grown out of this a long time ago.
     

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