Conniving tones hoop past me in glee With me awake, I Prêt still beneath my eyes- I see nonentity For the shrill’ staging up the Lather of my imaginings- I’m ransomed Numbly aware; at the ring of tranquility I awake alone in both my eyes Per shrill, I stag up All runners enveloped in the lawn; And I stand alert- segregating cracks within I see them roaming away- signifying paradise Upstairs hallway athwart- the past, they wait Per shrill, as I ascend Kaput clouds embrace me With the heavens rinsing the insides of me I roam in dreams that I see Now in fact; roaming The complication of reality I rove in the evolution of The past; that I hold with in And all runners enveloped I stand ahead; awake, aware Glooming in stars that plunge elsewhere Into the sinking soil In stroke of the morning sky I stag up Per shrill, I stand up Alone, awake, aware In my head I wake shining out all my Valid dreams
wow...strong. very strong. and with such a vocabulary, you should have some mercy, i plead. make it a bit light for an inexperienced reader like me. something to enjoy while reading. something to understand. and from what i understood, i can say you have immense talent and your verses are very very strong.
thnx man...much appreciated....well i guess very very few ppl read what i write...dunno y....i guess they have sth against me...or its jus that my stuffs arent that good....thnx anywayz man....
*APPLAUSE* It's nothing like nobody wants to read you poems or that they have something against you...it takes alittle time for a thread to catch up. I agree with TransArhaz- it's very strong. Plus, I think you should have a clearer meaning in your poem. But otherwise, I'd kill for prior knowledge of some of those well chosen words...Good choice of metaphors as well...metaphors ARE the ornaments of a beautiful poem...