Last Saturday morning I masturbated fiercely while listening to Nickelback's latest single and watching Michele on Skype. Drops tasted good so I licked them like the good old Angela Merkel I was. Surprisingly, I got a call from Officer Stanley Cooper who told me that I had only three days' time to live. I recognized that I had not been at school for two months and that was funny. I then decided to visit my long lost pornographic statue of a huge piece of ass carved into Mount Rushmore, but I was interrupted by my own penis as it began to grow and ended up disrupting highway traffic. I flew out of my car and landed straight in front of the biggest cunt, LazorCozmic5, who tried so hard and fell on the banhammer of Kevin. This happened just before I saw my own huge amount of money and decided to spend it on bright haired men which would give me lots of orgasms during my barbiturate fueled frenzy. Having been forced into captivity has always tickled my fancy, I like BDSM like a monk likes peace. When I recovered I wasn't able to find shoes, but oddly enough, my feet became a pair of flying horses that like to lick themselves for fuel. Until I saw the morning light I thought it was the Devil who sent me on a mission. Just then, I met this girl who was smarter than me but uglier than a broken ship mast in a Taco Bell Chain Restaurant. I felt love. She was mine. Her hair was as oily as the scrotum of Zak's luscious mother. Hello, I said. Unfortunately, she vaporized as a woman-beast monster creature and blew up in the darkness. I cried "WHY?". - "For the glory hole of my city," She said.