I seriously thought about suicide today. Although that's not different, it is the longest period in which I've thought about it in a long time.
Like I've mentioned early, it's every day. Not meaning to quote NIN, but every day is exactly the same.
theres one thing that could only change... the days, and school, it all changes there. Don't belive me?? Well, try this, do something that you useally dont do.
As I said before that I respect ones thinking about suiciding and I can understand about whatever shit happens to them, but it never harms one to look at this positively and think about the people who love you, your family, friends and people who you are associated with. These decision of suciding are not, as mentioned "cowardly" however they take alot of nerves.
FUCK THE COUNSELING!!! we went to the place. we were there when they told us to be there and then they had the balls to tells us that we shouldve been there a half and hour early. they never told us. we tried to reschedule and we got another appt. but on the paper it was a dude and i refuse to talk to a guy. and dont think im gay or nething cuz im not i just dont trust males after sumthin that happened a few years back. so mom called and tried to get me a woman but no avaliable appts. so now im not going to any type of shrink. and it sucks cuz i really wanted to get sum stuff off my chest but fuck it now. ~~~~~~ and no im not going to be happy about my father. srry but he hasnt been in my life for the pat 14 years so i dont need him now. he can go fuck himself and stay w/ his new family. i relize i need to go to skool but the one im at is half my problems. the teachers are always harassong me about stupid shit and the kids are horrible. so im never going back. im doing homeschooling. ~~~~~~~~~~~` neways im over the skol thing and ive found new routes to help me. i hope everyone finds help and becomes happy and joyous (...cheesey i know but thats all i could think of)
have you tried somewhere else for counciling? not all places are great but i am sure there is somewhere that you can go thats better. how about school, you tried to get moved to another one? it may help as you are saying that the school you are at is half your problem. i was bullied so much at school and i ended up not going either but you know what, i think thats what the assholes wanted so i shouldn't have given in to them! so maybe you should go and bug the hell out of them! just my thoughts...maybe talking crap. just reflecting back on the good old days of me being at school. the most shit days of my life.
confession: I'm afraid of cliffs because when I'm standing at the top I imagine myself jumping off and have the urge to do it... scares the hell out of me cuz I'm generally not suicidal.
I had the weirdest thing happen to me today. Alright, so my mom usually tells me to walk "away" from the road and stay on the farthest point of the sidewalk. So while I'm walking home today (and I'm not really that depressed, I was in a surprisingly good mood), I look at the street and the cars passing by. So, bit by bit, without noticing, I walk closer and closer to the street. And then this car whizzes by and almost hits me. Scared the shit out of me, to be honest. But it was weird. I think my body's gone suicidal.
I've thought about it. Ever since I was in 5th Grade and my Dad is the reason. He is such a control freak and he always puts you down. I have like one friend literally and I see him maybe once every two weeks. My mom knows, but I could never go through counseling. I dont' believe in it because they talk to you like your a psychopath and they never helped me, I always hated telling people that I never knew anything about, or talked to them before my personal issues and such. In nevr really fit in I guess you could say, and eveyone makes funof me because I'm so shy. I wasn't shy once and no one talked to me anyway. Life lesson, never try to be someone your not. I'm always gonna be shy, like it or not. I've also thought about blowing up my school too. I'm not like this anymore though. Now I have a ''Don't Give a Crap Carefree Happy Go Lucky'' attitude. I just say screw the kids at school and screw my Dad. At least I know people that are nice will talk to me. Linkin Park's music sort of healed me, but slowly. Then I just got that attitude and started making a little friends. I just wish I could talk to girls, everyone probably thinks I'm gay, not trying to bash anyone I'm just saying. But I wish girls who know I existed. They say that i'm sweet, but too shy, at least that's what my friend that asked them says. Oh well, dammit I changed again. BTW, it's a great song by Offspring.
It was the same thing for me. I started feeling like that when I was in 5th grade. I don't get why people are so against being "shy". It's so stupid. Why can't a person be himself without being made fun of? And sorry about your dad, dude. My dad's the same, so is my mom. I hate them a great deal.
I don't usually talk about this, but by reading all of those posts, I really felt like saying it. I've tried to commit suicide many many times. counseling was never an option, cuz like you all said, ppl only make u feel bad cuz they make u believe u r a psyco or something like that. This started when I was in 5th or 6th grade. It started because of the usual things: I'll never fit in, why should i live? there's no reason. nobody loves me, nobody cares, no one ever notices me, I'm useless, etc. Like I just sad, I've tried to do it more than once, but somehow someone or something always stops me. And i'm talking about insignificant things such as a phone call, The loud noise of something falling, screaming, etc. Anyway, when things like this happen, I can't really go through with it, cuz I seem to go to the moon or somethinig cuz i can't concentrate. My skin seems too rough to be penetrated, I can't swallow, It's hard to talk, and I start remembering things from my past and I start crying. I don't realy feel like moving or screaming, I just cry. I know this may be kinda weird, but this is my story. I must say that since I found LP's music, this has been a lot better. Singing and screaming with them makes me take all the stress and bad feelings out of my being, it really helps. At least most of the times. Sometimes I get really depressed, but I guess thats life. If you don't understand what I mean, please read "us the freaks" (and i don't mean the U.S.) on writers cove and perhaps you'll understand it better. Thank you for you time.
I understand that... Weird how a few people mentioned that LP's music seems to be the cure. And weird how you were advertising a song from the Writer's Cove in here. Please don't do it again. And we know what you mean, so don't worry.
I understand that... Weird how a few people mentioned that LP's music seems to be the cure. And weird how you were advertising a song from the Writer's Cove in here. Please don't do it again. And we know what you mean, so don't worry. [/b][/quote] I didnt say their songs were the cure, I sad they really help. I don't feel that lonely when i listen to them, and sorry about the poem, but i just believed many people posting in this thread would feel identified with it. Again, thanks for your time and for letting me share this with ya. Thanks a lot.
I cut myself many times... when I'm depressed,when my parents blame me for things that I have never done... I'm just a cutter...I will never kill myself
I think almost everone has those days when you just wished you would die. Those days. When I turned 13, i became very depressed, and instead of cutting or other things, i started to puke out everything I ate, boulimia. After my teachers at school found out and I lost for about 11kilo in a month. I had to go to the hospital cause my condition was so unstable. I recoverd luckly, thanks to counseling. My point is, please.. find help. I know it may sound like counseling is for crazy idiots or whatever,, I think it saved my life and it might save yours too.
yeah, that i can agree.....i began to have depressing thoughts a while back. at first, i could deal wiith it and then it got to the point were i literally had a katana against my throat......( yes, i own swords) ..but, i stopped....somthing told me to continue living...and so i stopped....after that, [LP] kicked in, and i am very glad to say, that it has been a lot of help...weither i would feel alone, or i would be mad, [LP] helped me.....thankfully, a talked to my parents, and i was put on medication....mind you, if you are taking anti-depressants, dont rely 100% on them.....they DO help, do you have to help them as well.......look at positive things.....be happy...at first, it wasnt easy, but now i am alot better, thanks to some friends...and [LP]