Suicide

You mirror my own thoughts exactly.

 

I've thought of suicide numerous times. Whenever I tell people that though, they're extremely shocked about it because they say I allways seem like a happy upbeat person. I am, I have things in my life that i'm quite happy about but there are also things in my life that make me unhappy as well. Like love for instance, family, stress, friendships, and so on. I don't think i'm as deep anymore as I used to be with wanting to comit suicided because a long time ago, I probably could've died.

My life was a swirl of emotions. I was picked on, beat up on, and I was constantly feeling as if my life would allways be that way.. But over the years, I finally was switched to a different school. I started a new life, made a new reputation and struggled to work as hard as I could to make my unhappy life a happy one.

I made a bunch of friends. David, Caitlin, Aaron, Travis, Zack, Dylan, Kasey, Robbie, Ali, Julian, Zak, Chris, Holly, Shana, Alex, Annie, Leah, Lauren, Jerret, and Kyle. They're all great people.. and I believe if people work hard enough, they can achieve happiness too. I got tired of being so sad all the time, so I made a change.

I'm sure plenty of people here can too.. Just as long as you try.

 

Suicide has crossed my mind before but nothing to the point of seriously considering it. Over the last year a bunch of stuff has happened in my life to make me depressed. family stuff, relationships, friends, school... I'm almost done high school and everyone is talking about how they've been accepted into college/university, but I haven't even thought about it. There's nothing I want to do. Plus I don't want to spend the rest of my life working. It seems so pointless... my future seems empty. I have good grades, I could get into any university but I'm lazy. I have no motivation. and thinking like this, that theres nothing in my future, has gotten me to think about suicide, plus all the stuff happening at home right now, trying to help my friend whos suicidal, and this guy I've liked since forever have taken their toll on me. sometimes I just want to give up. but still, sometimes life doesnt seem worth it, but then there these moments, no matter how small, where something good happens and its those moments that I live for.

 

The only time I've ever considered suicide is when I got my first F in 8th grade.

Yeah, fuck you, might be a stupid reason, but there was an enormous amount of pressure on me, and I felt like I let alot of people down when that happen.

 

Lmao, Casey, believe me, I know what you mean .

 

Me too, except it was in 6th.

Middle school began the downward spiral.

 

Same here. Though I could never really tell that to you Kaeton.

I went through alot of shit a year or two back, and considered suicide, but to be quiet honest I was scared too die, and then now those thoughts are just a memory.

For a suicude, one is generally considered as a coward, however in commiting a suicide one need the courage to kill themselves, as a matter of fact I did, but I couldn't.

However, it never hurts to try to be positive about things, life sucks, and shit does happen but I don't think there is a major need to sucide ,untill you can't face the heavy measures.

 

Sorry if this sounds pretty abrupt, but suicide is a cowards way out. There are too many people that care about you if you were to commit suicide.

 

i dunno about it being the cowards way out. that is kinda harsh. i mean sure, everyone has problems. there are just different ways of dealing w/ them. and if you see no hope in you're life for anything getting better, why put yourself throught the torture? if you look at it that way, its almost a way to protect yourself.

 

Every time I feel like ceasing to exist, I listen to music.

It's my outlet.

And writing, sometimes.

 

yup me too......either that or i go out and do stuff.

i have actually been doing drugs as of late to escape such feelings, but that is not a healthy way to deal w/ things.

 

I think of it though because of a lot of things....

 

If you ever feel really depressed and you feel like your life is crap and no one cares just remember there are hundreds of people on this forum that care about you. And hey if you need someone to talk to hit me up on aim netime... lpjzcollision ... I'm always on. Even if alll you need to do is vent. We are here for you.

 

those of you who say that suicide is a cowards way out are wrong.

suicide is only a small part of a larger problem. those who think of suicide have been depressed, maybe for sometime and feel like nothing else will cure them of the depression. depression is a very misunderstood condition, which i myself have to life with. many days, weeks and months can go by and things are great but there also the same times where everything feels so much of an effort that it's eaiser to give up. depression is also a condition that doesn't always happen to those how have had a difficult life. it can happen to anyone cause many times it's a problem with a chemical imbalance in the brain. suicidal thoughts can simply come from this.

so those of you who think that people that think of suicide are mad, then please read up and educate yourself cause one day, depression may take hold of you.

 

Warning: Long Post.

If you think about it, though, suicide is a 'cowardly' action, with all due respect to those who have had this happen in their lives, in reality, suicide is not as logical as people would seem to want to understand.

By all means I understand how one could find life to be difficult, but as fallenangel has stated, the state of "giving up" seems so much easier at times, and this is what suicide is--that's all it is in relativities. Suicide is the permanent comparison to running away from a problem, and as harsh as that sounds, beyond denial, all would realize that--I have realized it, now that I look back on my own experience(s).

Suicide in a nutshell is one removing him or herself from the existance of life thus discontinuing any future in relations with themselves. Now when you think about that, in what way, shape or form can we then in theory state that suicide is not an instance to "run"? Leaving all behind so you can disappear forever? I honestly think that there are so many other things one could do that do not lead to their death, their discontinuation on life just because their environment is destructive.

I believe one who is depressed becomes more self-destructive and clouded within emotion. Thus I believe they're lead to believe death is their only answer to their suffering. However, also with depression comes faithless and usually one-track-minded tendencies, thus it's usually hard to snap out of, and thus people look for theraputic outlets.

I also believe courage has nothing to do with suicide as it was stated earlier in this thread. I believe suicide is more or less influenced by adrenaline. Why? If you play a sport or something that requires a strong amount of attention, you know that getting "psyched" for it will further more boost your abilities, or it becomes a possibility. Usually that "pump" is adrenaline and therefore can make one do things they usually can't/wouldn't do. Adrenaline, I believe is like a spark that lights a fuse, eventually that fuse causes an explosion of some sort, could be energy, could just be what people believe is "courage." So in that sense, I believe people who are on the verge of acting on suicide pump adrenaline through their bodies, usually thinking of all the bad things that'll encourage them to act upon it. I'm not saying that this is always the reason, but I do believe it's a large part of suicide in action/before the act is commited.

Now getting back to this idea of weakness within suicide. One who is told they are a coward for being suicidal, I think, would encourage them to do it even more. I think us as humans have this nature to prove people wrong, especially when it's personal, so when someone says, "I bet you can't jump this small gap," the probabilities are there, and someone just might try it. So I believe that people who consider suicide to be weak or powerless to one's self do not in fact help the situation, because it's that doubt in which peers have for eachother is what makes this society suck big time (in my opinion). Self doubt mixed with peer doubt, I think, is a major reason why people are suicidal, and with depression usually ruling out faith (I use this term non-religiously) in one's self, it creates large amounts of unnecessary drama and inconsistant balances in positive and negative elements in one's life.

What I say is my own opinion from experience and stories. My friend who had commited suicide was popular. He was an athlete, he was well liked, he had good friends and he was happy, or so people thoughts. In the end, I think it was his family that he couldn't take. And using my friend as an example, he could have gotten help. Could have talked to his school counciler, could have tried to find a doctor, something to that effect. But it's people's perspective of those who need help that I think people fear when wanting to find the help they need. It's the fear of being called a coward, being considered "crazy" or being singled out for it--all these probably play a part in their emotions or they would in fact get the help they need.

I think with many problems, there are solutions, but like I explained before, I think when one becomes depressed, they also grow more lazy and not too keen on trust or dependance. I think during one's depressive state of mind, one feels the need to be independant, self-reliant and can't trust another living soul, and thus this paranoia, or this fear--whatever it is, it causes them to feel worthless--that because they do not seek the help, that people will not come, and a lot of the time, I don't think this is the answer. I think people believe this, never seeing that they can in fact make a change, so thus they believe since no one is coming to them much less them going to anyone else becomes frustrating and thus leads to suicide.

I know I in fact have a lot to say. To be honest, suicide intrigues me, and not in a sick way. For a long time I was suicidal, felt worthless, but as I slowly dug myself out of that hole, I slowly realize how different I was and could be. I'm more now after how it is people react and think during these areas, how one believes certain things when in a depressive state of mind. Everything I've said above is my theories, which I do take from experience, observation and research. Whereas I know people will not read these long "essays" I seem to type, nor will many probably agree with me at point and time due to some self denial, I still stand by it until I am futher informed of any differences.


But to bring myself back down to a level of not-so-lecture-like, I'll be a bit personal now. If anyone knows anything about me, I am a freelance artist and design medium. It sounds awesome, it's awesome that I've chosen a career and I'm good at it, all of that sounds amazing, I agree. However there are days I wake up and believe I'm wasting my life away. How far will designing get me in life? How can I make a living off of a salary like that? How can I raise a family off of it? How can I live differently than the slums I live in now? All these questions surround me sometimes, and I don't know what to do.

I can be an asshole at times, especially when you interrupt me working, but for the most part, I am a humble guy and I am for the most part one of the most respective people I know... when I try, lol. But there is no doubt in my mind that I feel sometimes I could end up a loser. Considering I attend a charter school, this means no social interaction. I have more online friends than I do real life because my real life "friends" take advantage of me or follow those who do so.

In retrospect, my life has been pointless up until I made it worth something--that was to be me, and some how take on the world in my own way. Now this is where people would think I'm being cheesy, but in fact, I am being real. People call me naieve, that I am shooting for stuff way out of my reach. The kids who grow up in Hawaii become losers; surfers or football players at the most are the only thing Hawaii cares for. The arts, the stuff I love, Hawaii does not appreciate it as much. So in retrospect what it was that I was doing was worthless, and considering I used to charge so little, it was pathetic.

But I turned that all around. My life has meaning now that I put that "umph" or that extra push into it. I may not be the best, but that doesn't mean I can't excell and be the best in my own way. I like to believe I have one of the most random and artistic minds that I know, and that's what I love about myself. That my works of art are not stationary, they're not considered to be one thing, they're undefinable. I like that. Being undefinable. It goes for my fashion sense and hilariously enough, my speech (the way I talk). It even effect my music, that in which I believe has given me new reason to continue life as an artist.

Now I share this because I hope this rubs off on someone else. You can believe your life is worthless, but if you do nothing to make it worth something, I wouldn't call it worthless. I would consider it a large procrastination on your part, and with all due respect, you shouldn't procrastinate on something like that. Like I've stated before, I think every individual has potential--it's just how you live your life, I think. Even if it's something like Minus Xero's situation. I don't know if it's accurate enough, but it sounds as if Minus might be afraid of the world, and afraid he can't live up to any potential, and that's fine because many people feel like the time they spent in school was wasted because they came out of it still not knowing what they wanted to do with their lives.

I'm not here to preach, but I know for a fact people naturally dwell on negatives more than positives. If you want to test how people react to negatives and positives, ask people to describe the good and bads about them. Try listing them. Usually people will be able to come up with more bad things than good things about themselves, this is what I mean by the inbalances of negative and positive elements. I think depression honestly throws this balance wayy off and naturally, people will stick with the negatives and disregard the postives.

My $3.02. Sorry it's so long. This is like... A major subject in my opinion. And again, this is just my opinion, but hopefully people will read, and understand this is just where I come from, what I've seen and what I know. I'd be glad to discuss anything anyone has to say about what I believe because this is how I'd learn the way people think and feel about such a subject as suicide, so don't be afraid to say it. You don't even have to talk about it here, you can contact me off LPA, as well.

 

keaton, you have said everything i want to say. for me, life is hard and a constant battle with depression and i still do think of suicide and very low points but i have a my little girl who will always keep me here on this earth and i am greatful for that. i have also picked my life up cause the fear of failing was so great that i would not attempt anything. now i am in my third year of universtity and doing well all with keeping a house and a family going. so when life gets me down, i have to look around me and relise that life is worth living. but it doesn't mean the inner battle i have has gone, cause it's always there. i just have more to live for now.

 

@Kaeton-- I didn't read that , it was to long !!!

 

suiciders are the coolest!
they solve every trouble with their actions and make everybody happy with it GO Suiciders GO !!!!

Al-Qaida suiciders are much more intellegent than a desperate/depressed suicider because they do it for a better reason and with a goal...