ok: 2 guys are in a bar. Guy 1 tells guy 2 "If you jump off the empire state building by the time you reach the 10th floor, the wind will push you right back up." guy2 says "nuh uh, show me." So they go to the top of the empire state building and guy 2 says: Do it and then I'll do it." So guy 1 jumps and reaches the 30th, 20th, 10th, woop right back up. "One more time then I'll do it." says guy 2. Guy 1 jumps again. 30th, 20th, 10th, right back up. Guy 2 jumps. 30th, 20th, 10th, 5th floor, splat. Guy 1 goes back to the bar and the bar tender tells him "Boy superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."
Lol as I'm wearing my Superman shirt... Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? Blonde Daughter: You told me to change the baby.
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were interested. Both said they were very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even... 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic. - When they got home they found the mailman dead on the porch.