'Once a cheater, always a cheater'?

Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by Messy Marj, Dec 2, 2007.

  1. #1
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Messages:
    16,155
    Likes Received:
    0



    I'm not sure what to think of this, I want to say true but then again, my boyfriend used to cheat alot when he was a teenager, so I like to blame it on the hormones he had. I just talked to him about this statement and he told me that you can cheat but still love your girlfriend/boyfriend and be sorry for your act. I totally disagree with that. If you love someone you prevent everything that might hurt the person, right? So in my opinion, the moment you cheat it's a sign that you don't love your girlfriend/boyfriend anymore. His view scares me a bit, but I do trust him, it just makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Anyway, I do think that most cheaters fall back in their behaviour and will do it again. If I would ever get cheated on, I'd end it immediately.

    Your opinions about this statement?
     
  2. #2
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2002
    Messages:
    41,873
    Likes Received:
    2,334



    I've made some mis-steps in the past before me and Andrea started to date...I'm not going to lie, but with this particular relationship I'm in right now, I know I'd never sleep with another woman or do anything along those lines. When you break somebody's heart, even if you call yourself heartless and apologize for it...it takes a lot of time for that person to truly forgive you or gather up the same level of trust they had before. I know this because I've been in the middle of the "torn between you and another guy" situation with a lot of girls (which really hurts), but have also been guilty of making the same mistake in the past with 2 girls. I'm not proud of this fact (especially considering who it hurt) but I'm happy it's over with and behind me.

    In my opinion, a person CAN change their ways (they have to grow up first to do so) but that the affected person can take a very long time to forgive and forget. I'd never dream of cheating on Andrea because I love her with all of my heart, and want our relationship to live to see its 1st, 2nd, 5th, 10th, 20th etc anniversary and I know being promiscuous would end those dreams in a heart beat.

    Truthfully, I've been hurt myself, but having delivered that hurt once before I know a person can change. I know this because I've never gone out on a date with another woman or had another woman over at my house since me and Andrea became close. To me she's too important to me to fuck things up and I hope she realizes this if she ever had any doubts of that <3. Cheating is stupid, and in my mind: If you don't want to be loyal to the person you love, than don't start a relationship with them at all.
     
  3. #3
    Joeykat

    Joeykat Forever watching...

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,909
    Likes Received:
    0



    I've cheated, I admit it but I was young (13) and easily mislead and I have been cheated on before so I know both sides of the story and I wouldn't dream of cheating or hurting my current boyfriend (Steve) in anyway.

    The 'once a cheat always a cheat' statement can be true in most cases butthe minority of cases elarn from their mistakes and if and future/present partner cheats on them, then they will know how each side must of felt.

    But I agree with Derek; 'If you don't want to be loyal to the person you love, than don't start a relationship with them at all.' QFT :)
     
  4. #4
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2002
    Messages:
    41,873
    Likes Received:
    2,334



    Yeah, I asked Andrea if she wanted to date me after the concert because I knew I was ready to handle whatever hardships a 'long distance' relationship might bring to us. I knew I wouldn't see her every month, but the way I felt when we kissed for the first time, was enough for me to know I could date her and be loyal to her because she made me feel good.

    After all, we're averaging a meetup about once a month (or every two months). That's far more than many online relationships can claim, and therefore I know me and her will do just fine.

    It feels great to be dating someone who was your best friend. Because you know that respect and friendship is already there before you take things to the next level.
     
  5. #5
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Messages:
    16,155
    Likes Received:
    0



    I just read my post back again and maybe some of you might think Maxime can easily cheat on me, but noooo, that's not the case. :lol:
    Just to make sure, Maxime and me are in a very healthy relationship and we love each other alot.

    Okay, continue discussing. :lol:
     
  6. #6
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2002
    Messages:
    41,873
    Likes Received:
    2,334



    I know this, you were just afraid because of his past which is completely normal. In your mind you fear that if he did it once before, there could be a potential for him to do it again even though you want to believe he wont.

    It's a healthy concern and I'm glad you chose us to discuss it with :).
     
  7. #7
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Messages:
    16,155
    Likes Received:
    0



    Yeah, it just bugs me from time to time. I know he'll never do that to me though. ^_^
     
  8. #8
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2004
    Messages:
    2,604
    Likes Received:
    0



    I'd just say "One a cheater, more likely to be a cheater in the future".
     
  9. #9
    Tim

    Tim My perversion power is accumulating LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2007
    Messages:
    7,033
    Likes Received:
    36



    QFT. If you've cheated before, there's a bigger chance you'll do it again, but that's all it is... a chance. We've all done stupid shit when we were younger
    (and will do when we get older) that we regret, but that's all apart of life.
    Learning from your mistakes is what's key.
     
  10. #10
    Friskey™

    Friskey™ LPA Super Member LPA Addict

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2004
    Messages:
    28,593
    Likes Received:
    0



    QFT as well.

    I personally think cheating is wrong and cheating is absolutely heartless. If you love somebody and then all of a sudden, they go out of their way to fuck somebody else, they should be thrown into a ditch and buried alive. Of course, that's just my opinion, but i've had experience of this, and it's just stupid. Goes back to Derek's post...If you don't want to be loyal to the person you love, than don't start a relationship with them at all.
     
  11. #11
    Harlz

    Harlz More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Me LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2006
    Messages:
    6,778
    Likes Received:
    22



    *worships you*
     
  12. #12
    $pvcxGhxztCasey

    $pvcxGhxztCasey meanwhile... LPA Addicted VIP

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2003
    Messages:
    15,888
    Likes Received:
    26



    I'm a chronic cheater. More often than not, my reasoning is that I just don't care. If I'm in a relationship and the girl won't give me what I want, I'll find someone else to give me what I want. I'm a very selfish person, but yet, I'm not trying to justify my actions. It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less.

    Now, when love factors into the relationship... I used to cheat to get back at her (the girl I loved). And she did the same to me. It was a very unhealthy relationship, and was probably the catalyst for my many substance problems.

    I don't know any other way to explain it. I've always done what I want, without disregard for others feelings. That's gotten me a reputation, not only among females, but my own gender as well. That's how I've always been, as many can atest to on this very website, and will most likely be the downfall of me.

    That's not to say that there aren't exceptions to my behavior. I think most of that came from being in high school and around alot of girls that were desperate and at a low point in their life, and like me, had substance problems. I don't cheat as often as I did in high school, since (especially now) it's mainly just me, myself & I. I've all but lost contact with EVERYONE I knew in high school, so I don't have anyone to cheat with, you know?

    But, honestly... I wouldn't change a thing.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2007
  13. #13
    Arlene

    Arlene Oh what tangled webs we weave LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2007
    Messages:
    4,687
    Likes Received:
    6



    Again, QFT.

    And, I mean, in a way I agree that if you cheat it says that you don't love someone, or you aren't mature enough to be with them. But that isn't always the case, in my opinion. People make mistakes. I'm one of them. I love my boyfriend Josh, SO much that it almost makes me panic when I can't see him. (which is indeed quite often that I don't because of our situation.) And, I think, if you have a relationship where you can't see the person very often, once it's been a while, you start to panic, and question whether the other person loves you anymore, (even when you KNOW that that is NOT the case) and whatnot. And then you suddenly get caught up in some stupid moment that you KNOW is wrong with a friend, but, you feel insecure, because you haven't seen the person you love in so long, that it almost doesn't feel real. And then you mess up. And the minute after whatever act of cheating it was, you feel like you need to, as Kev put it, jump into a ditch and be buried alive.

    I've done it. And felt terrible. But I put it behind me, because I know, and I KNEW at the time that it was wrong, but I was insecure.

    But I'm not saying that it's okay. Don't get me wrong, cheating is just so..terrible, it really is. But I don't agree with "once a cheater, always a cheater."
     
  14. #14
    Iain

    Iain i am a sloth LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2007
    Messages:
    5,532
    Likes Received:
    0



    I've never cheated on anyone (not really had much of a chance to), and I've never been cheated on, but I can imagine what it would feel like to have that happen, either way. When I go into a relationship, I want it to work. I don't want to end it with somethign like that. I'd feel horrible about myself if I cheated on someone. Not only is it hurtful to the person you're with, it's hurtful to the person you cheated with, and it's hurtful to anyone that trusts you. One of my friends cheated on his girlfriend, and almost everyone he knew pretty much tried not to talk to him. They understood that he felt bad about it, but they also understood that he'd done it before to the same person. So, yes, I agree. a cheater is a cheater. Unless you admit that you have a problem with holding onto a serious, committed relationship, you aren't going to keep one. Most peple who cheat don't think about that. They think "Oh, it's nothing. It's only one time, nothing's going to happen." Then, more often than not, it happens again. If and when they're caught (which they most likely will be), the answer is "it was only once, it didn't mean anything." Does that mean that the original relationship meant nothing as well?

    I don't mean any disrespect to anyone, really I don't. I just have a problem trusting someone that can hurt someone like that.
     
  15. #15
    aki*lp

    aki*lp LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    7,452
    Likes Received:
    0



    See if someone had a reputation of being a cheater I'd try to avoid him. I will subconciously be thinking that "this person's a cheater".

    Like I know this guy who cheated on my friend with another one of my friends. Even though everything's "cool" and "okay" now, I will never try to act all chummy and close to him, cause to me he's a "cheater" even if he's redeemed himself or whatever he'll stay that way for me. Call it unfair, but it's all physcological. I mean I wouldn't think he was a cheater unless he cheated before. So in that sense "Once a cheater, more likely to be a cheater in the future" applies.

    But that's too harsh. Believing is everything.

    If he says he's honest, trust him, but if you find something wrong, then you let go of him.


    Simple. Yet utterly complicated.
     
  16. #16
    lpboarder

    lpboarder Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2006
    Messages:
    402
    Likes Received:
    0



    After your OP this just strikes me as a bit odd. The guy has a history yet you continue to love him anyway? This really doesnt help the view of women being the smarter/strong/more confident sex in my opinion. I'm not saying he doesnt deserve a chance but to blindly say "he'll never do that to me though" strikes me as more than a bit naive.
     
  17. #17
    Messy Marj

    Messy Marj LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    Messages:
    16,155
    Likes Received:
    0



    I trust him, he trusts me. I love him, he loves me. And that's all there is, there have been rough times and we were always there for each other. Your post disgusts me because you have no idea what we've been through. I understand you have the right to discuss but never ever write such things to me ever again. What Maxime and I have is not just naive 'love', we have fought hard for our relationship and because of that our love is strong and true. So don't judge if you don't even know me.
     
  18. #18
    JJ

    JJ [i cant spoll preply]: LPA Super VIP

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2003
    Messages:
    9,668
    Likes Received:
    2



    i've found out the hard way and i have to agree with your statement marj. once a cheater, always a cheater. i've even stuck with 'the girlfriend' at the time, even after i had found out about the situation and for a while it did perk up a little.. but what happened? she cheated yet again.

    i wouldnt say i've had a lot of girlfriends.. but the ones that i have had all tend to end up the same way.. tears, the lot.

    now you might say thats the type of girl i attract, and i might just have to agree with you there. im just saying im a lot more aware of things now. 'cos yeh a was a little naive when i was younger.

    and 'cos of that fact i got myself the reputation of being a bit of a player (which is odd, but there you go) so my girl cheat on me and i call it a day. a week or so goes by and another girlfriend pops up, some might say a week isnt long at all.. and i might just have to agree with you there as well. but i like the idea of boyfriend and girlfriend and i do like the company of a female. that shouldnt tarnish my reputation though, should it?

    i myself has never cheated (and i certainly dont plan to start) and i have a very dim view on the people that do cheat on there 'other halves'

    IMO once you cheat.. you may as well call it a day. no matter how bad you want it to work out.. best thing to do is not to cheat.

    end of.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2008
  19. #19
    Nick

    Nick Great Job! LPA Super VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2005
    Messages:
    8,563
    Likes Received:
    0



    Once A Cheater, Likely To Cheat Again. Depending if Cheating Destroyed their relationship that MATTERED enough to them or not.

    My dad cheated on my mom for years and Because even though i was 11 when they got Divorced. My mom was always Honest with me about what he did. Thanks to her. I have modeled my life and myself to NEVER do what he did. I see what it can do. And in every one of my previous Relationships i have been the Nice Honest guy who gets shit on. Because the girl cheats with someone who she thinks at a point in time is Awesome and can do more for her. But later finds out that hes a User and a Douchebag.

    If someone cheats under the effects of Temptation and how their certain overpowering mood is at that moment. someone who under normal circumstances would not cheat. If they had what was to them an Amazing or the best relationship they have ever had. You would think it would be enough of a shocker not to do it again. If they do. Well that says something about them
     
  20. #20
    Disenchanted

    Disenchanted The Black Parade is Dead! LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    6,415
    Likes Received:
    0



    I believe that people can change, but it depends on how much they WANT to change.
    My father's cheated on my mum at least two or three times, last time nearly tore apart our family completely. My mother forgave him (more like, forced herself to forget), but yeah, I've noticed that my dad HAS changed, I really don't think that he'll cheat on her again.

    But my point is, it is possible for people to change. Don't always judge people by looking into their past.
    Keep in mind, I'm not saying that cheating is okay, 'cause for fucks sake, it's not.
     

Share This Page