How are you coping?

Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by StrictlyJohnD, Jul 26, 2017.

  1. #61
    Atticus

    Atticus Bullets lance the bravest lungs

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    By doing the same thing I've always done - listen to this band. Except now I've gained a greater appreciation for literally every song. I listened to Hybrid Theory in the gym the other day and it was more powerful than I've ever remembered it being. These songs have all become so much more personal its ridiculous.

    At this point I'm far more worried about two years from now when I'd normally be expecting a new LP record and then it'll hit me like a freight train all over again.
     
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  2. #62
    _cam_

    _cam_ Well-Known Member

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    There's a vast difference when I watched it when I was in my HS years, I was completely fangirling whilst now I realized the documentary was 75% all joke stories and guys making fun to each other. :lol: Fun times.
     
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  3. #63
    Asya

    Asya New Member

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    Only after his death, I realized how I underestimated him and this band...all these days i've been listening to their songs, watching interviews...don't wanna accept this. But he passed away like a legend. died young at the peak of fame. and saved and made better millions of lives, including mine.
    Thank you, Chester! I hope you are in a good place now...

    From Russia with love.
     
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  4. #64
    thesungoesdown

    thesungoesdown It's like I'm paranoid..

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    I go to a park near the gym to have a green tea and watch sunsets before a workout lately. I created a "Chester" playlist and I shed a tear every single time I hear his voice.

    I've also been watching LPU chats and interviews/funny stuff on YouTube.

    I'm going to a memorial next Tuesday in Toronto to say my goodbye.
     
  5. #65
    Knt.Slbs

    Knt.Slbs K E N T

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    tribute to Chester. LONG LIVE LINKIN PARK!
     

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  6. #66
    Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

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    I think I might be ready to watch interviews and dvds, I wil try tomorrow. Like I said I accepted that he's gone, still think of him every day and it still hurts but not as much as before, now I'm sad but am able to feel happy about sth in the future.
     
  7. #67
    iamsatan

    iamsatan Well-Known Member

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    Spending time here, the LP subreddit, listening mostly to LP, looking at photos and videos I took at the shows I went to, watching youtube performances and interviews. I'm also thinking of getting a tattoo, not sure what but probably on left forearm or back of left calf. Linkin Park will always be my favorite band. I knew I'd probably outlive all the members because I'm younger, just didn't think it would be so soon. Even if they decide to hang it up and retire, I'm thankful for the 7 albums and 11 shows I've gone to.
     
  8. #68
    Foreshadowed_LP

    Foreshadowed_LP Well-Known Member

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    I'm getting better, it still hurts and still feels raw at times but I am finding I'm watching a lot more Linkin Park videos now. Before, I could listen to the songs but skip tracks like One More Light and I couldn't watch any live footage of the band as I found it too upsetting. However, now I am listening to pretty much all of the Linkin Park songs (even One More Light which has actually helped me) as well as the Linkin Park music videos and some live footage. The only thing I can't do yet is watch a full live show, I know I will be able to eventually but not just yet.

    I also listened to the Dead By Sunrise album, Out Of Ashes yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed it, not listened to it since last year. I find the album to be underrated and there are some real gems on there that I love blasting at full volume. Yes, some tracks are rather eerie due to the lyrics (e.g. My Suffering and Condemned) but still it's a fun album to listen to and quite catchy. I'm now listening to The Rising Tied by Fort Minor (which I know isn't Chester) which I am loving also after not listening to that album for a while.

    What has also helped is I found out on Saturday that my girlfriend lost someone in her family that me and her were close to, which was unexpected. It just added to the stress and made me feel so frustrated with life, questioning why what was turning into one of my best years suddenly took a nasty U-turn. I now had to face losing someone else and grieving again whilst still coming to terms with what happened with Chester. 2017 was shaping up to be my best year in ages; promotion, pay rise, Manchester United winning trophies, new Linkin Park album, new The Rasmus album, seeing Linkin Park in Birmingham, meeting the band and then getting amazing photos of the meet and greet, etc. Since July 20th, it has gone downhill and that is a fact but I guess that's life. It can be happy and amazing one day and then cruel the next.

    However, in a bittersweet moment, on Tuesday, I found myself listening to One More Light on the way home and it was like the song was even more meaningful now, it was like a dedication to Chester and the recent loss I had to also deal with. It sort of helped and I am finding I am starting to feel positive again. I have moments where I stare off into space and reflect on how manic life has been and how it feels like a constant sucker punch to the gut and I do discuss this with others about how unfair life can be but I'm trying to stay strong and positive and laugh again and the Linkin Park music and Chester's voice has definitely helped.

    Listening to Chester's voice has been therapeutic in a way, I know he's gone but his voice is still here with us and will always live on and accompany us in our lives until we grow old. That makes me smile knowing that and also makes me appreciate that I got to live during a period Chester existed, I got to witness his personal story, his lyrics, his amazing voice, his captivating and enthusiastic persona and presence, his witty humour. I got to witness that, see him and the band live 3 times and finally meet him, so I feel like I've completed a chapter in my life that will always remain and I'll always hold close to my heart. It hurts that he's gone but in a way... he's not really. He's in our memories and always will be.
     
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  9. #69
    Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

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    @Foreshadowed_LP A large part of your post seemed like it was written by me. First of all, my sincere condolences for your lost and I hope you'll manage to accept it in given time and remember that person by all the good he did not his death.
    I'm also able to enjoy more of LP music even OML which has been stuck in my head for the past two days since someone in my family died. It's hard to deal with the second death if you aren't over the first one and you do question life and ask why but it must help us to understand how fragile human life is.
     
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  10. #70
    Feenix

    Feenix Well I Do

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    I would have been at the Birmingham show, just couldn't because of lack of funds at the time. It stings.

    Last Friday I listened to a range of LP songs and a version of OML repeatedly. Completely broke down. Like i'd just suddenly processed what had actually happened. Honestly I cried for ages and it was one of the darkest moments of my life. Made me truly realise the impact Chester & LP have had on my life over the years.

    But, working hard with some great people to pay respects.
     
  11. #71
    Mysticliz

    Mysticliz Well-Known Member

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    Tonight while cashing up the tv was showing numb/encore... I spun round and watched ... found myself smiling at Chester and Mike's little bit of a dance...
     
  12. #72
    kcg

    kcg Well-Known Member

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    Not really. I don't have any like-minded interests with anyone in my family and I have very strong political disagreements with them. Worse, I've never been able to afford living on my own since I finished high school and I never really had any friends, so I've never had anyone to move in with. I've been an complete outsider stuck in this house for the entire 25 years of my life. Even the long hours at my job and all the raises I've gotten over the last two years aren't paying me enough to save up for my own car, let alone an apartment. Every family gathering and holiday party my family throws at home is stressful and traumatizing for me and I always prefer to just sit alone in the other room, because I don't relate to them in any way or identify with their worldview on anyything from politics to entertainment. They're all very conservative and I'm not (to put it lightly). I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when I was eight and never knew about it until I was fourteen, because my father kept trying to hide it from me until my mother finally broke her silence and told me. Since then, I've tried everything within my power to cut my father out of my life for good (to no avail, since I live with my parents and depend on them financially).

    I haven't had enough time to talk to my counselor at college, because I've been working so much. I had a meeting with her a week ago, but I didn't get enough time to get everything off my chest that I needed to. I tried talking to my mother a few days ago about Chester's death and how much I admired him, and she didn't really listen to me. She kept asking why he didn't try to get help even though I explained to her that he did. I didn't get much of a chance to tell her all of the good he did outside of music and how kind and charitable he was, because she was more interested in either questions about his drug addiction and personal demons, giving her the impression that he was a bad choice for my role model and was just another sex-drugs-and-rock-n-roll guy when I wanted to explain to her that he was so much more than that. When she called suicide "the coward's way out", I was so pissed off that wanted to scream at her to go fuck herself and end the conversation right there. It was very hard to respond to her in a calm manner, but I had to. Even more infuriating, when I asked her later about a family friend who attempted suicide last year and if she considered them cowardly, she said no. Her double standard just made me sick. Every time I tried to explain to her how much his music inspired me and gave me hope that I could one day overcome my demons and find sanity, she would interrupt with remarks like "you're not insane", "you don't have it bad", and "you should feel fortunate", which just made me feel worse and gave me the feeling that she doesn't actually give a shit about helping me through my trauma. When I told her I had suicidal thoughts back in high school, she gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look for a few seconds and then told me "you weren't really suicidal, you were just going through a teenage hormone phase", and that just pissed me off to end. The conversation ended with her telling me to be grateful for all the music he put out and move on. I walked away feeling empty and angry.

    I could go on for hours about my problems with my family, my career, my experience in high school and college, my childhood, and my life in general, and I never have enough to time to talk to someone. I don't know any therapists in my hometown, meetings with my school counselor are only an hour long, and as I've already explained, I have no one in my family that I feel comfortable talking to. It's been like this for me pretty much my whole life. In high school, I didn't even have a counselor to talk to, and I didn't have a counselor who would actually listen to me at all until two and a half years ago, and finding time to talk to her is challenging in itself.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2017
  13. #73
    King Mainos

    King Mainos Member

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    Hey Guys, I made this video and music to remember Chester Bennington. More 2 come. Please subscribe if you want to see more and share this video. Leave a comment and free to share this forum on my youtube channel.
     
  14. #74
    Jennifer

    Jennifer New Member

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    Hi Kcg,
    Reading your post felt very familiar. I have a very disconnected relationship with my parents as well. In high school I had a friend who committed suicide. It broke me as he was the only person I really talked to. I had gone through such a hard time I couldn't relate to most people my age. I came home clearly distraught, my mom asked me what my problem was, when I told her she made very insensitive remarks and then never spoke to me again about it. Meanwhile, I was clearly unraveling. I too also got told that I don't have it that bad or they would deny that they do anything less than perfect. It's extremely frustrating and they never changed to this day. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. If it is of any help, just know that moving out will make a big difference in your life. I know it had for me. Having positive people who support you around is so important. Living with people who dismiss the way you feel is just so difficult. Hang in there.
     
  15. #75
    StrictlyJohnD

    StrictlyJohnD Go Texans & Rockets!

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    Dude, stop. Seriously. Nothing wrong with grieving over Chester, but you're spamming.
     
  16. #76
    ZelesteBeauty

    ZelesteBeauty Well-Known Member

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    I am still trying to comprehend. I used to see Chester a lot when I lived in az because of club tattoo and then when I moved to Vegas I would see him a lot in planet Hollywood hotel because of a club tattoo there. We would always chat when I would see him. I remember we would talk about Saw and other stuff. I will forever cherish those memories. I just have been regretting not ever asking for a pic with him....i know it may sound stupid but thats one of the things that have been bothering me but at least I have the memories of having great conversations with him so that is something to hold on to.
     
  17. #77
    ShankatsuForte

    ShankatsuForte Keep My Distance..

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    I just watched Live in Texas for the first time in probably years, I have always bumped the songs off of it but rarely actually sit down to watch it, itself if that makes any sense. There is a bit towards the end of it, and towards the wrap up of A Place for my Head where chester smashes the fuck out of a guitar and its just really fucking cool, even though I usually see that kind of thing as cliche. But, it made me smile. Some days I don't want to hear him at all, some days I want to hear nothing but him. The sound of his voice, painted on my memories, you know?
     
  18. #78
    zey_ara

    zey_ara New Member

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    So Chester's suicide and past childhood sexual abuse have triggered me with my own past of suicide and past childhood sexual abuse. It's bringing back all of those horrible memories. And now I'm having suicidal ideation because of this, which I thought I was over with for good, but it turns out I'm not (and I'm surprised at this). And it's much worse when Chester is someone I highly admire and sought comfort in his music a lot.
    I accidentally found out how he died, which was something I didn't want to know, but now I'm thinking that maybe his method is something I should try, if my life doesn't improve in a couple of years (but it's safe to say that I don't plan on committing suicide anytime soon).

    I thought of talking about this with my social worker or counsellor to get professional help, but I'm afraid of running the risk of them contacting a hospital and basically forcing me into hospitalization, which I don't want to experience ever again. So that's why I'm posting here to get non-clinical support or something. Thanks for listening. <3
     
  19. #79
    cryoshok

    cryoshok New Member

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    I will chime in a little just based on my experiences (I'm no doctor). I had someone very close to me go through what you are describing. I think if you have some control over your ideation that a good psychiatrist might be able to treat you as an outpatient assuming the thoughts are not worsening every day. Trust me, the correct treatment can change everything...but it is a process and there is some trial and error involved in getting to that sweet spot. Everyone's brain is different. The right treatment and counseling can change your life for the better, which you sound self aware enough to realize you could benefit for that. Please don't give up, the world doesn't have to seem like a bad place and there is another way. Chester lost his battle but he fought hard for his entire life, he wouldn't want others to follow his lead, he'd want them to fight on like he did for so many years.

    I understand your not wanting to be hospitalized, it was not a fun experience for my loved one either but it did save their life in the end when things got completely out of control. They are back in the real world now, back to normal, with HOPE being a reality again - so it is possible! Keep trying to help yourself as much as you can and realize you are certainly not alone.
     
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  20. #80
    StrictlyJohnD

    StrictlyJohnD Go Texans & Rockets!

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    We're fast approaching a month since Black Thursday. It's still difficult to think about Linkin Park -- or the world of music in general -- without Chester, but I'm slowly coming to terms with his absence.
     

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