seriously there are times when i think that if i ever did kill myself then no one would care, and those are the times when i actually try. i think about death all the time but the times like i said before are the worst. last saturday i actually fell apart. into pieces. which later i thought was slightly amusing, cuz michael magically showed up to talk to me...which would have depresssed me more but i was stoned out of my mind. which is another problem, i self medicate.
Yes, lately I have. Im scared of death though plus I know what it would do to my family and friends. I also dont want to be damned to hell for the rest of my life either. I just try and look through the bad and focus on the good and that helps a lot.
self medicate....hmmm never tried it *whistles* I dont fear death in the slightest, I love to talk about and that does freak every one out. One might only be condemed to hell if they believe there is such a thing. As for me...I dont.
yeah the hell thing doesn't get to me. i heard there's marijuana in hell anyway...so yeah. if only i wasn't atheist... the not knowing does though.
atheist. no god or anything higher than myself. although i kinda feel wrong about it around christmas...
ok interesting. Why do you fear something then if you find yourself to be the highest power in your life?
i don't fear something i fear nothing. that kind of makes no sense, not that i do not fear anything, but i do fear nothing. as in, what is nothing? i don't know, and that is my fear.
so you have a fear of not knowing anything. A fear of there being complete nothingness. Or could it be that u simply just have a fear of fear itself?
complete nothingness...what does it feel like and stuff. yeah i know it feels like nothing, but can you imagine going from all the things you feel right now to absolutely nothing at all? why does that happen? maybe it's cuz my dad died and i was only 3, so i kinda have a fucked up view of death. i won't be caught dead (haha) in a cemetary. and when i learned what cremation was, i always thought that the dead person that was being cremated was being hurt. i didn't understand that being dead means you don't feel anything. i still kind of don't. like i know that that is how it is, but it just seems wrong to live your life to the fullest just to end up being nothing. (this is why my best friend told me to get a religion.)
You wouldnt be caught dead in a cemetary...well Im dying to go there (haha). I dont necessarily think that you need to find a religion, but maybe just start looking at what other people have written about the same thoughts that you are having. Might give you more understanding. As for the dead people, it could be that they do still feel, however, they dont have sensation or memory of it. Therefore they have the potential to feel something yet they cant recall the sensation of it.
dude when i say i am trying to kill myself people take me seriously. i've been hospitalized for saying it, i was drunk, and at school, but the point it i didn't like it and i never said it to those people again. however i do have a friend that when i feel like it i call him and he usually does something stupid to get my mind off of it or comes and listens to me. but i have been on medication i am only not now because of the lack of insurance that i have. and i don't want to, people said it helped me but i don't know, and i feel really stupid being on some mind control thing. that is how i see it. but lately i would not mind if someone gave me some prozac, michael even said he would pay for it but it is incredibly expensive without insurance. so stupid me said i would buy it on the street. anyway. people take me seriously, maybe because i've said it before and they didn't take me seriously until i tried, i don't know. or maybe because i don't talk about it, ever, only on here, not in person. i don't talk very much in real life i don't know why. so when i have something important to say, people listen.
Life is beautiful and I want to enjoy as much of it as I possibly can. Shit happens, but I always tell myself that there is another way around it, and eventually I find one. I'm afraid to die, I don't want it to happen too early.
@ ether: i don't remember, i might have accidentally put it in the wrong thread. oops if i did, oh well if i didn't.