Got Something You Want To Let Out?

I guess I'm on the same boat as _Matt_ was, but the problem remains in the fact that I can't get over this girl.

Giving a little backstory, when me and her first met in October I noticed that she seemed really interested in me and the idea of coming up to see me as soon as possible. Sure enough my suspicious were right because in late November, merely a month after we met online, she confessed her feelings for me through a song and stayed close to me for the longest time afterwards.

Skipping over something thats similar to this situation right now, she started to date her friend she's known since 9th grade. Now, this kinda stabbed me in the heart, because by this time I had started to have full fledged feelings for her and it hurt that she could just go off and find someone else.

Whether it can be considered a 'new chance' on my part or a stroke of misfortunate for her, around late last month she started to complain of being mistreated by this guy and that he was neglecting her. This continued to go on for weeks, with it eventually seeming like they were about to split up (especially since he said 'well maybe we just shouldn't see eachother anymore' after a large fight). I geared up and braced for hard times for her, and knew that if an opportunity was thrown my way to win her heart, that I'd take it in an instant.

Well rather then crumble to the ground, they seemed to get better and she seems all interested in him again, when only last week she was ready to call it quits. I had the support from her friend as she thought I was "sweet and didnt treat her like shit", and she didnt know why the girl was still with this jerk. It seemed like everything was working for me with her friend being on my side, and now she seems to be supporting the whole fucked up relationship all over again.

This really pisses me off and upsets me, because having her on my side was a really good thing, and the fact she's now supportive of him again because he is her best friend makes me feel like I'll always be at an unfair disadvantage.

I'm sick of it because I know I'm fucking better for her than him, and everyone (including her friend) thought it at one time or another. She's friggin playing herself by staying with this guy, because he neglects her and treats her like total shit.

I want a chance to show this jerk how its really done but I'm at a total loss for what I can do here. My friend Bri says I have to MAKE something happen, but I so dont wanna risk making her feel like I'm trying to end her and her boyfriend's relationship.

This really blows. The fact we met in real life on Monday only makes it harder..I cant get her out of my head.

 

A lot of my friends originally thought she wanted to use me as a rebound (some still do), and even I did at one time. I guess there's not many reasons NOT to think that either, as she'd have to be really stupid to think staying with this guy is a good idea. Anyone else would have ran for the hills by this point, after seeing its not going anywhere.

They're not strong enough a couple to be together in 2 years, and I doubt this is the type of guy she wants to marry. If it is, I'll start acting like an asshole and not pay attention to her..as it seems to be what she's attracted to.

Being serious, its just that the biggest blow to me is that her friend seems to be supporting this asshole now. The best card for me to play would have been that she was on my side. With that, if worst came to worst I could've went "well you know, it's pretty sad when your best friend thinks I'd be better for you than this guy you're with right now". Now I've got nothing.

However, I used her visit on Monday as a way to evaluate where her heart really was. There was a few times when she talked about her current boyfriend with her friend that came along, where I just wanted to leave the room, but I kept my cool. But then at the same time there was a few things that confused me:

1. She laid on my shoulder 'comfortably' during a movie.

2. She was ready to leave..and actually ran to hug me so hard that it almost made me fall on my ass, when she wrapped her arms around me.

3. When I tried to force her friend to hug as well, she playfully pushed her off of me and said "Back off bitch..this one's mine..you cant have him EVER."
--
So now I'm just confused...I dont know if she likes me..but is obliged to John...or acts like she likes me just to keep me happy. I dont wanna keep forcing my feelings on her but I wish I knew the truth.

 

That is some seriously confusing shit, Derek.

I think that considering what you're trying to pursue again, a long-distance relationship, is self-destructive. She may like you more than this "John", but he's in the same town as her, and you're not. Therefore the fact you guys live a distance from each other, it's more "convenient", even if it is less desirable, to stick with John. It doesn't seem personal, she's just taking what's most easily accessible.

As for Monday, maybe she's just one of those flirty girls who likes to make evry guy she hangs out with feel good about themselves. Hell, it may not help the guys once she traps them then says she can't be wit them, but it most likely does give her a sense of self-confidence to have all the guys after her.

 

That's what I said to my friend the other night, about the whole distance thing. Now realistcally she's about a 10x closer drive than Brianna was. It took Brianna two hours to get here (surprisingly) but as I discovered it takes this girl under an hour (45 mins tops)..so there's a possibility it could work. With the closeness, there's a chance that once I get my license I could see her once a week/every two weeks. But as you said, the fact John is in the same town/a less then 15 minute drive, it really tips the odds way out of my favor. I never thought of her as a stupid girl, and staying with someone she could probably WALK to if she felt like it, isn't really a dumb idea in the slightest.

When confronting her literally the week before me and her went to meet up, I told her (in an unhappy way) that John's better cause she can see him anytime she wants. Her exact response to that was "but who gives a crap if he treats me like it?" which just helped to make me more confused than I already was.

Is she truly happy with this guy and does she really want him over me? Or is she just keeping this going because I'm still a 30 minute drive and staying with him (10-15 min drive) is the more logical choice? ( )

And sadly, I really considered the last thing you said Mark and it's been a possibility for days now. Maybe she's the type of girl who flirts with every guy she hangs out with, and anything I saw on Monday meant absolutely nothing at all. I mean she does have a lot of guy friends, and truthfully she hasn't come out and said how she loves me or how special Monday was to her or anything.

Infact if you want me to be perfectly honest, both her friend and her..in my opinion have been acting different since Monday. The girl I like was really awesome on the phone on Tuesday, but online her and her friend have kind of been...just different feeling.

I fucking hate this man, I almost feel like saying fuck you and forgetting about it. My feelings for her are so strong that it pisses me off to see her with this schmuck, and the fact that I have no clue how her 'feelings' for me were affected by coming up to see me, doesn't make it any better.

*Sighs* I really dont think she likes me, and is just lying to me to keep my heart from being broken. Sure she actually did used to like me but something changed once she dated not one, but two guys while I liked her.

Fuck this shit man, I hate feeling like I was her goddamn filler. She was the only girl I trusted after so long, and it seems like she's playing me out.

I shouldn't even make her anounymous anymore because everyone knows who she is and I already gave out her boyfriend's name.

 

For some strange reason it doesn't show prly's post unless I hit reply..so hopefully this doesnt come up as a double post on some people's screens.

I kind of want to play the hard to get game, but I've never done that shit before and I fear I'll just fuck it up.

Ashley was one of the first girls in a long time who confessed to having feelings for me (she even said I love you derek at least once or twice) and now it seems that shit doesn't even exist.

She's far too confusing for me.

 

aw
:hugz:

Derek, listen this is from a chicks point of view: hard to get never works...

we just get frusterated and give up. Hard to get is the best way to turn any girl off. Just be yourself and whatever happens happens. A girl likes a guy who they can just hang out and goof around with. Good luck and I hope everything goes good for you. Don't worry about it, just have fun! That's the best way. [/b][/quote]
It bugs me knowing that I could've been the reason she found another guy though. I purposely waited a little bit to say I like her, and I think she gave up waiting for me to make a move.

I told her I wanted her to come up first..and now she finally does and has someone. It just pisses me off sort of, it's like "You had to date a douche instead of waiting or month or two to see how we worked out?". It's just blehh..

 

hey man, I'm sorry I know that's gotta suck. But just keep trying and try to sneak in a few hints..you know, show her how you feel towards her without being like:

"I LOVE YOU MORE THAN HE DOES TO DITCH HIM!"

just sort of be casual about it. I know it's easier said than done but... this is just my opinion.

Like I said, I hope it works out for you. [/b][/quote]
Yeah thanks. My friend Bri said I cant wait for something to happen, I have to MAKE it happen. So maybe I should invite her back up here and go see a movie with her. Not label it as a date of course, even though it could easily turn into that.

 

THAT'S what I'm talking about! EXACTLY! Just take her out casually and see where it goes. You never know, right? [/b][/quote]
Yeah I suppose. Like my dad once said with this other girl...

Me: "Yeah but she has a boyfriend.."
Dad: "That can be changed easily."