Got Something You Want To Let Out?

Damn it.. I don't hate you, but I hate everything that you just wrote...
Don't think that way...and I'm srry if you feel that way.. I really do..
Nothing is perfect, ok? but still, that's no reason why you should feel like that..



There's nothing I can really do/tell you to change your mind but I don't hate you... and don't tell me it's because I don't know you..
Trust me.. I don't like some ppl without really knowning them..
and I'm srry...

 

Right now I'm feeling like death warmed up (again). I went to sleep at 2am but patches of waking up because of something that feels like it's swolen at the back of my throat, my head pounding like a drum, both my ears hurting and my overwhelmingly hot body temperature have interupted my sleep. Now I'm awake and I feel increadibly ill.

Whats more of a concern is that during the patches that I did get some sleep I had the same dream/nightmare that I've been having for a while now. It starts when me and my friends are at school and it's night and there's no one around but us. Then we're all running from this weird shadow that's chasing us and the school becomes like a cavern and we're just running for our lives basicly. I wonder if it's subconcious regret that I quit the sixth form I was at. All I know is that I feel absolutely lousey right now and will probably have to see my doctor at some point. What's more is that with this recurring dream I'll probably end up going to a psychiatrist aswell.

 

My Ma died of cancer two weeks ago. She was my best friend. And fuck, i havent even been given a chance to heal, move on a bit, and now, my other grandma, has been diagnosed with an advanced cancer. My aunt is dying of heart failure, my other aunt has has lost movement in her whole body due to a spinal problem, and has to have a life threatening operation, my great aunt died a month ago. Oh and more personally, the doctors told me theres nothing they can do about these constant, stabbing, blinding migraine pains i get 24 hours a day.
Oh, and for the 4th time, the girl i like i has decided she is madly in love with my best friend, who is like OMGSDSGW!!!!!11!!!! SO HAWT!!!!111! Four girls ive liked, and the same four have all decided they're madly in love with him.
Oh yea, and i failed a maths exam today, worst result, ever, in anything: 2-freaking-% And my teacher asked if maybe im distracted by something. Geez, i wonder.
Wow, what a whine that was.

 

I don't know what to say. . I just...hope things look up, dear. Really, really do.

 

I'm really sorry to hear of that Harlz. It's a very poor situation when you are in it. I hope that time will heal.












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NO FAMILY. NO FRIENDS. NO NOTHING.

WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

 

HARLZ....holy shit dude. I'm so sorry to hear that. I mean, I just don't know what to say. I just hope to hell that everything turns out alright for you in the end.

 

[HARLZ] i'm sorry to hear that...and i hope things better.I know we can't do anything, just showing how we live this pain with you and show our concern, to change all of this but remember we'll be here if you ever need us.

 

oy this is gonna be a long one

I haven't posted in here in a while but I need to vent everywhere I can right now so here it goes:​

I'm scared. Really fucking scared. I feel like I've sort of lost control of a lot lately. For a few months now I've been sorta in the shitter emotionally speaking. I just haven't been feeling right. I've been depress, worried, anxious... It hasn't been fun.​

And then the other day I find out from my boyfriend that he actually thought about dumping me. That was a lovely little cherry on top of my shit sundae, eh? In a way I'm glad he told me, but at the same time I'm scared to death. He said he won't, but I have a feeling that at the end of that sentance he wanted to add "right now". I really don't know what to do or say. I've loved people before, sure. But this? Feels totally different to me. I'm in love with him and the last thing I want is to lose him.​

Or worse, drive him away because I'm fucked in the head.​

I went out to eat with my best friend, Aimee yesterday. We talked about Casey and I, we talked about her ex, the past and the future. It was all pretty scary to be honest. I miss what our group used to have. We used to be about 8 people strong. We'd go out every Friday and have fun and be loud and laugh. But there we were, Friday night, Aimee and I by ourselves crying in a resturant wondering where we're supposed to go from here. Our group now consists of two... ocassionally three people who talk quietly and usually one ends up crying by the end of the night. She, along with Casey, Alaina and a lot of my good friends will be going off to college soon. And I'm pretty sure we're all worried about that. I know that Aimee and I are at least. We'll all be separated. We'll have to make new friends and adjust to a different lifestyle without each other. I dont' know what to do.​

Will college sever the last few ties holding our group together?​

Where do we go from here?​

 

I'm falling apart again!I can't seem to hold on to naything....everything i try slips away. I just realized that all my good mood was just a mask i was hiding behind and i'm actually dead to any emotion inside. When my friends saw me saw depressed they left me again...again to deal on my own!
But i'm scared this is deeper than my last state like that and that i won't make like i did before!

 

Oh god she likes him too. I guess she began by helping me, but she just told me that she liked him last year, and now by getting closer to him by helping me, she likes him again. And one of our friends warned her. Now I guess she's competition.

 

So she basically blackballed you. She agreed to help you out and when you got too close, she basically told you off about it. Bitch.

 

No, it's not like that at all. I liked this other guy, one far more unreachable, and she found out. We became closer friends then (me and her), and I told her about this other guy that I like, one that she was good friends with last year. She suggested getting back into contact with him to help me, and somewhere in the process of that re-developed her crush on him. She says she won't try anything now, that she hates herself. I don't know if I believe her. She also likes someone else, though.

This is the 3rd time this has happened to me.

 

Sorry to hear that, dear. Yes, while it may be great to get help on everything, it's sometimes best to try and do things yourself...that or get one of the guy's friends that is a guy.

 

I'm talking to a good friend of his that is a girl. And she is being no help at all although her intentions may be good all with teh 'don't worry'.

 

I'm going to shoot my mom.

I had my day nicely planned to do my homework I stupidly hadn't finished today, as I needed it done tomorrow, and I also have 2 tests I had to do tomorrow (and doing homework is my way of studying).

Now get this, my dad's in Mexico right now, and I don't know when he's returning. Out of the blue, when I came home today, my mom said we're going to the airport tonight at 9 to pick him up. Okay, fine. I'll try to work around that.

So we drive down there, sit around for an hour until the flight from Vancouver arrives, as she doesn't know which flight he's on. He's not there. I ask her if she's sure that he's arriving today, telling her it was Monday, the 19th.

She looks at me with the most dumbstricken face ever, and tells me he's supposed to come on Tuesday, and she thought it was Tuesday today.

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT!?

- 2 calendars in the kitchen, and at least 1 in her shop
- the fact that today's the first time I went to school in a few days, meaning the weekend's over, meaning it's a MONDAY
- garbage collection is on Tuesday morning, did she even think of putting out the garbage last night? Nope.
- i even mentioned the full date this morning, asking why she hadn't told me it was my grandpa's birthday yesterday (I was completely unaware).

Yet she still goes and thinks today is Tuesday.

To add on to the complete idiocy, we're driving back, and I'm lying back, too stressed and annoyed to even watch her horrible driving. She suddenly stops. I look around, thinking wtf? She stopped at a green light, because she saw a red light to the left, yet she somehow missed the sign where it clearly states "LEFT TURN SIGNAL"
R G G G G
She was going straight.


This woman is driving me fucking CRAZY. Heeeeeellllpppp.

 

Hmmm.

She probably needs a trip to Mexico aswell. A vacation.

--

Mali your life is very twisted isn't it?
I hope for the best for you, and hope that you get the best person who you love and he loves you back. It sucks if you get involved with a person who you just...don't love. I know.
Go out with a person who you love...not like. It will hurt lesser.
Shit I sound like a shrink.
Haha.

 

Yeah, I guess love should become a factor sometime soon, but I don't see it as being obligatory right now. I kind of think I'm too young to be in love right now, although people my age are always saying 'oh, just because we're young doesn't mean we're incapable of love!'. Yes, it's twisted, and that's bothersome. thanks for the advice, though.

 

You know I agree.
Right now, everyone's going out or whatever and their first priority is making out and such.
That's just stupid.
Thus when I went out for about two months, I barely let him hug me. I'm a bad girlfriend material person I guess.
But I think now is really not my age to go out or whatever. We need to learn, and really guys are very immature at this age so....I guess we have to wait.

 

I admire you for being able to wait and not rushing into things because everyone else is.

 

@Aisha. Well neither of my previous relationships included having someone's tongue shoved down my throat so I guess by today's standards they weren't very .. relationshippy. Come to think of it I do not like today's standards.

About the immaturity? I'm sure it doesn't apply to everyone. It doesn't really to the guys in my grade, but I have a certain type that I like and they happen all be in a higher grade