Got Something You Want To Let Out?

Oh shutup!
Haha, actually the internet died on me so I couldn't edit it.


Btw Meghna, where in India are you from? My family migrated from the UP area to Pakistan.

 

LOL0MGOZ!





If you mean where I'm from-from, then far south(border of Kerela-Tamil Nadu) but I live in the hellhole known as Delhi. Shitty place. .

 

I have been to India. Basically Kanpur, Fatepur, Baroda, Delhi.


Hey did I tell you? My nani's sister is here from Baroda. =)
For visiting.

 

I look at the clock and see 9:19. That's my birthdate. Haha.

 

Acceptance, finally.

 

Wash the dishes....hang the clothes.....wash the dishes....take taro's food out....wash the dishes.

 

Time to get a dishwasher, me thinks.

 

That's never going to happen.

Today was nearly as bad a day as my two birthdays.

 

Buy the dishwasher yourself then.

 

No.


Send me the cash then.

 

Pfft. How about you give me some cash first, then I'll give you the cash for the dishwasher. M'kay?

 

What do you want to do with my money? *feels protective*

 

Makes me sad how much she values Love over everything else, it's gonna tear her appart someday.

 

He makes it so hard to stop liking him. And if that guilt-free environment ever becomes a reality, I'll be very disappointed if all we do is flirt.

 

FUCK THIS.

Either take me back to Winnipeg and give me my old life back, or kill me right motherfucking now. I'm sick and tired of my parents, I have nobody to turn to, nowhere to go to.

Now I know why people kill themselves.

---
Mm, trance really does work amazingly to cool me down.

 

I want you guys to know that I just got my job threatened for something I didn't even know was going on, no body wants to teach me what I need to know for work and I have carpal tunnel. I was in the worst pain of my life almost all day yesterday. I went to the Dr. today and found out I have a myriad of other things wrong with me including and ear infection and I'm not allowed to walk up stairs because of my knee...but now I have to wear a brace on my hand ever day...forever.


I'm fucking 19...i'm too young for this.

I'm leaving now. typing hurts.

 

Think of someone you don't like.

Now repeat this over and over, "Look at the bright side, one day [person you thought of] will be dead."

I used to do that with my friends and it always cheered them up, though they never actually wished death upon anyone else.

It's meant to be something funny that cheers you up.

If it offended you, I'm sorry. I just thought I'd help by using what I know works with my friends.

 

Heh, so true. Music is my drug though.

*sigh* But I would love it if things were how they used to. I don't get why my parents are so uber cocky now. It's absurd. It's like they both left their common sense and their brains in Winnipeg. Luckily I brought those with me, but I forgot my sanity behind. Nothing makes logical sense anymore. My parents do and say the most illogical things, I'm starting to think they've forgotten all common sense, really. My dad's ~48, my mom's ~53, but they both act as if they're 8 sometimes. I can walk outside of the house and stand in the middle of the court, and I can hear them yelling - that means the neighbours can hear them yelling. It's insanity. It's not right.

I know, I know, I'm only 16. I still have 4-5x more of my life ahead of me. Will things get worse, or better than this? If only I knew. I've always said to myself that everything happens for a reason, and I usually do find the reason for most things in time. But what's the reason for all of this?

Usually the mayhem passes away in time, as it has in the past. But this house has been in mayhem since we've moved here. When will it all stop? I hate how I can't do anything about this all, but ugh, whatever. I'm wise enought to not kill myself, fortunately, but sometimes, I'm on that edge, just sitting there, waiting for my parents to push me. I can run, but I can't jump. I'll never be someone who cuts themselves because of shit like this, I'll never be someone who takes drugs to clear my mind because of shit like this, I'll never be the one in the newspaper obiturary section because of shit like this. But I will be the one sitting in that white room, staring at those padded fluffy walls, wearing that odd suit which restraints my hands behind my back and my legs together to prevent me from doing something stupid enough that I'll regret later. Maybe I am right now, metaphorically. I'm possibly trapped in my mind, who know? I certainly don't.

*shakes head* Sorry, just went off on a tangent there. Whoops.

---
Holly - Apparently my mom has carpel tunnel too, from a few years back. That's gotta suck, but make sure you relax your hand, eh? Good luck coping with it.

 

No worries needed...that's almost exactly what i'm going through...not the parents yelling at me although that gets on my nerves just because we don't clean the house six days a week.

But it's just...i'm sick and tired of everything around me. Don't you hate it when you feel like one of your friends doesn't like you they way they used to? That's what I feel right now with one of my friends (not who you think it is). Just...seeing all of the rejection, the happiness with everybody else, it just makes me sick to my stomach that I can't feel like they do. I can't feel happy anymore, my emotions self-destructed back in 2004 when Angie broke up with me and that has caused me to complete lose control of myself.

Music can't even save me anymore...it's that bad. Maybe I do want to end up in a white padded room like that...just give me a window and i'll be fine, I won't worry about you people anymore...i'm dead to you all, i'm dead to myself.

 

Maybe you need some change in your life. Something to look forward to and get your mind off the dreadful life you're currently leading (by the sounds of it). There's gotta be something you can do about it, I'm sure of it.

One thing you can't have: the attitude where you think your life is shit and it'll never get better. With that kinda attitude, your life is bound to go down the shitter and never back up. There's still plenty of hope in your life left. Remember, you're only 19, you're still young, and have plenty of time to go. What's your life going to be like at 40? 65? 80? 100 (if you ever make it that long =p)?

Jump through the window, you're not dead until you're in a fucking casket after you've lived long enough to be telling the same things I'm saying, to your great great grandchildren going through what you and I are going through right now at our age.


In all bad and evil there is always some good. Kinda like Pandora's box - filled with a whole shitload of evil and bad stuff, but at the bottom of it all, there was still hope.