Got Something You Want To Let Out?

A long time ago, I told the 4 girls I like and trust on my school, about Leonie and that she's transgender and all. They all promised me they wouldn't tell anyone, because on my school there are bitches walking around turning every story to a juicy one.
Today Marloes came to me and asked me if Leonie is a boy. I asked Marloes who told her, but she said she couldn't tell. I promised Marloes I wouldn't tell to the person, so the person wouldn't know Marloes told me. She said it was Shirley.

Shirley is was my best friend. It's sad I can't trust her.
I could have known. She did a thing like this before.
When I told her for the first time I was bisexual, she promised me she wouldn't tell anyone. 5 minutes later, she came into the 'cigs room' and told everyone. She felt sorry for it later when I told her I was mad. I forgave her.

I don't know what to do. I promised Marloes I won't tell it was her who told me. But I want to face Shirley with this. I want to see her busted face when I ask Shirley about it. I want to scream in her face that it's impossible to trust her anymore. I would also like to tell her I will kick her brains out - if she has any - if she ever ever do things like this again.

But I can't, I promised Marloes.

 

Sweets, having PMS isn't everything too, you know.

 

Okay so here's a conversation I just had over msn with my friend Marcus who lost his friend Charlie last november and apparently still hasn't gotten over it (he's ToNkPiLs and I'm Luke):


ToNkPiLs says:
i hate that guy michael moore
Luke says:
that guy makes sense
ToNkPiLs says:
no hes a dickhead who thinks hes doing good but no
ToNkPiLs says:
its bias
ToNkPiLs says:
all against the usa
Luke says:
read one of his fuckin books before you start sayin hes a dickhead,all the guys tryin to do is give people an insight into the flaws of the US government
ToNkPiLs says:
i have that dumb white men shit or what ever jus a bunch of losers who have to much time on there hand s
Luke says:
whatever man
ToNkPiLs says:
and no way does bush sacrifice or what ever i read
Luke says:
give me sum evidence to your argument
ToNkPiLs says:
if that bull shit was really proven do u honsetly think some sane people would let shit like that go down and the bullshit i head
ToNkPiLs says:
heard>>>>
Luke says:
do U seriously think that the government wouldn't try and cover it up as best as possible to protect any classified information
Luke says:
think of it like this
Luke says:
do u think the government hides things from the public?
ToNkPiLs says:
yes and no
Luke says:
well if ure answer was yes then u must accept that fuck knos what could be hiden from us
Luke says:
hell for all we kno there could be breakdancing grim reapers locked up somewhere,we don't kno about it tho (and i don't mean the grim reaper thing literally)
ToNkPiLs says:
i know they hide shit but the shit some theoy;s have are really funny
ToNkPiLs says:
and make no sense
ToNkPiLs says:
bush is a good pres
ToNkPiLs says:
jus cos he declares war
ToNkPiLs says:
which is a good thing
ToNkPiLs says:
more people try and bad mouth him
Luke says:
explain one good thing he's done
ToNkPiLs says:
war
Luke says:
and i mean a properly good thing
ToNkPiLs says:
he does what pres do
ToNkPiLs says:
there job
ToNkPiLs says:
and if war
Luke says:
war wasn't necessary
ToNkPiLs says:
is a step forward
ToNkPiLs says:
it is
Luke says:
no it fuckin aint
ToNkPiLs says:
war is
Luke says:
whats the point of wastin lives for someone elses cause
ToNkPiLs says:
hmmmm
ToNkPiLs says:
cos it shows power
ToNkPiLs says:
so much power
ToNkPiLs says:
sendin people to there death
ToNkPiLs says:
havin that power
ToNkPiLs says:
is ah
ToNkPiLs says:
there is no word
Luke says:
your one sick motherfucker if u actualy believe that
ToNkPiLs says:
i do
ToNkPiLs says:
why not if we didnt have war
ToNkPiLs says:
a religous one would start
ToNkPiLs says:
and it keeps going
ToNkPiLs says:
so fuck peace
ToNkPiLs says:
bush is a sic dude
ToNkPiLs says:
soz
ToNkPiLs says:
but there my views
ToNkPiLs says:
i love hurt pain war
ToNkPiLs says:
it shows other people what people go through
Luke says:
well i'm soz but my veiw is that your views are twsited,sick and inhuman
Luke says:
if bush told u to piss off into iraq tomorrow would u do it?
ToNkPiLs says:
no but the power he has i would have to and die doin it
ToNkPiLs says:
thats power
Luke says:
i dunno if your yankin my chain here but in all seriousness if i had known that ure mind was this sick and twisted i would never even hav thought to even consider you as a friend so you can go fuck yourself marcus cos u've just made me realise just how fucked up people can be
ToNkPiLs says:
luke we only have one shot
ToNkPiLs says:
at life
ToNkPiLs says:
1
ToNkPiLs says:
ok
ToNkPiLs says:
i dont give a fuck about any one else apart from close friends and family
ToNkPiLs says:
when my friend died i hated everythin
ToNkPiLs says:
i dont know anyone from the usa
ToNkPiLs says:
i dont care about them
ToNkPiLs says:
so fuck them all to hell
Luke says:
it aint just the usa you dumbass,our people are goin to hell too
ToNkPiLs says:
they can all die for all i care but
Luke says:
absolute power corrupts absolutely
Luke says:
power is not a good thing
Luke says:
power is evil
ToNkPiLs says:
but no one takes a friend from me
Luke says:
power shouldn't exist
ToNkPiLs says:
evil
Luke says:
no one did marcus
ToNkPiLs says:
live
Luke says:
no one took your freind from you marcus
ToNkPiLs says:
everything is fucked
Luke says:
it was a tragedy
ToNkPiLs says:
someone did
Luke says:
no one did
Luke says:
it was the elements of earth marcus
Luke says:
the weather
Luke says:
a wave
Luke says:
not a person
Luke says:
the sea
ToNkPiLs says:
no
Luke says:
the sea isn't a human
ToNkPiLs says:
there is always someone behind somethin
ToNkPiLs says:
i hate life
Luke says:
in this case not
ToNkPiLs says:
i hate people
Luke says:
it was a natural occurance,grim may it be
Luke says:
but don't u ever give me that as an excuse to say no one else lives care,i don't kno these motherfuckers either but i kno that killin them for no reason is unjust and fucked up especialy because its for someone elses cause
Luke says:
i kno what its like to have a freind taken from me
ToNkPiLs says:
i dont care if they fight for us die for us
ToNkPiLs says:
fuck them
ToNkPiLs says:
id kill them
ToNkPiLs says:
cos i dont care
ToNkPiLs says:
when u think in ur life
ToNkPiLs says:
and step back and look
ToNkPiLs says:
life will never be the sam
ToNkPiLs says:
saem
ToNkPiLs says:
same
ToNkPiLs says:
it will alaways be twisted
Luke says:
ok go outside now and kill someone
ToNkPiLs says:
fucked
Luke says:
i fuckin dare u
Luke says:
cos i don't think u would
ToNkPiLs says:
do u
Luke says:
go on marcus
Luke says:
step out on the street now and kill someone
Luke says:
the first person you see
Luke says:
man,women,child
Luke says:
cos men,women and children...all dying because of war
ToNkPiLs says:
i aint killin them
Luke says:
i don't think u could do it marcus
ToNkPiLs says:
there killin themselves
Luke says:
how?
ToNkPiLs says:
war
ToNkPiLs says:
if i cant do shit about it
ToNkPiLs says:
sit back and watch the fuckers rip eachother apart
ToNkPiLs says:
cos i dont know them
Luke says:
ok then well put it this way...i don't kno ure mum...should i kill her? no i shouldn't because i kno that that would hurt the peple around her
ToNkPiLs says:
if u felt that way
ToNkPiLs says:
go ahead
ToNkPiLs says:
go on
Luke says:
bullshit
ToNkPiLs says:
do u think anythin we do matters
ToNkPiLs says:
i tried caring
ToNkPiLs says:
didnt work
Luke says:
yes you idiot because it is possible to live a life without corruption
ToNkPiLs says:
i tried wantin no war peace
ToNkPiLs says:
but why
ToNkPiLs says:
what fun is that
Luke says:
so u think war is fun and games do you?
ToNkPiLs says:
i do
Luke says:
well how about if when david goes to join the army he's called up to fight in a war
ToNkPiLs says:
because people dont stop playin them
ToNkPiLs says:
i would hate who ever sent him
ToNkPiLs says:
but power is there
Luke says:
is war fun and games if one of your friends was in it?
ToNkPiLs says:
it is but i trie caring
ToNkPiLs says:
i try
ToNkPiLs says:
i hated war i hated fighting but all ive seen is it
Luke says:
and?
ToNkPiLs says:
well if i cant doin nothin then aw well
Luke says:
you're that unspirited that you just wouldn't care if one of your friends was drafted into war and he died?
ToNkPiLs says:
it would kill me inside but could i do nothing
ToNkPiLs says:
ni
ToNkPiLs says:
no
ToNkPiLs says:
so what do i do
ToNkPiLs says:
jus live life la d da
ToNkPiLs says:
have fun
Luke says:
just because you can't do anything doesn't fuckin mean u shouldn't care
ToNkPiLs says:
carin
ToNkPiLs says:
wow a great
ToNkPiLs says:
word
ToNkPiLs says:
i cared about a lotta things and there gone
ToNkPiLs says:
goodnight
ToNkPiLs says:
im sorry
ToNkPiLs says:
i have some much hate
ToNkPiLs says:
i
ToNkPiLs says:
cant even
ToNkPiLs says:
care
ToNkPiLs says:
anymore
Luke says:
u kno what,u mite have hate and u might still not be over by your loses however why is it that i've lost 4 times as many people as you and yet i aint filled with the hate u are?
ToNkPiLs says:
i honestly dont know
Luke says:
exactly,cos u've let that hate control your life
Luke says:
u've given in to it
Luke says:
people like me have to put up with shit much worse than u and we still take it
Luke says:
so why the fuck are u there tellin me this shit?
Luke says:
do u not have the willpower?
Luke says:
do u not kno when to stop the hate?
Luke says:
u tell me all the time that people have pushed u around all your life
Luke says:
and u wanna make a stand
Luke says:
it seems to me u've just allowed hate to fuck u up
ToNkPiLs says:
i died a long time ago when u told me my friend died i have cried everyday since then i have felt a stone like thing in my chest and its not gone and i feel it and i hate
ToNkPiLs says:
and i know i should be past this
ToNkPiLs says:
i know
Luke says:
when are you gonna realise that your friends death was a tragedy and nothing more
Luke says:
i appreciate the fact that your upset
Luke says:
but fuckin hell
Luke says:
u have a serious problem here
Luke says:
and it's scared me like hell
ToNkPiLs says:
ok u wanna know why i have so much fuckin hate
ToNkPiLs says:
a year ago i realised that my mum would die
ToNkPiLs says:
i gotta live through that
Luke says:
i realised that when i was 10 years old
ToNkPiLs says:
and if i dont care then it goes away
ToNkPiLs says:
and i can live a life
ToNkPiLs says:
with evil feelings and thought
ToNkPiLs says:
i ahhh
ToNkPiLs says:
look
ToNkPiLs says:
im tired
ToNkPiLs says:
i will see u tomorrow
Luke says:
do you think these feelings would please your mum and charlie
Luke says:
just answer me that
Luke says:
cos i see only one answer to that and thats a no
ToNkPiLs says:
no
Luke says:
exactly
Luke says:
so get over yourself cos you aint the same marcus boylan that i kno
Luke says:
this marcus boylan is filled up with so much damn hate that i'd rather dance with the devil himself than be around with a mind like that
ToNkPiLs says:
ur like a brother to me
Luke says:
and u kno that ure a brother to me but u've got an issue man
Luke says:
and u need to deal with it
Luke says:
otherwise u'll never be anything more than a hatefilled motherfucker who only hates and cannot love anything
Luke says:
are u gonna still hate when you have a child and it grabs your finger for the first time?
Luke says:
cos if thats the case then i fear for you
ToNkPiLs says:
no
ToNkPiLs says:
no
ToNkPiLs says:
i know
ToNkPiLs says:
i know
Luke says:
now i will gladly help u with ure problems but don't u ever dare try and tell me that life can be thrown away like shit just like that
Luke says:
after all one of the best mates i ever had is goin to the army and if a war breaks out and he dies or sumthin then u can try and tell me that
ToNkPiLs says:
i need to talk to u about shit face to face cos i never talked to any one about charlie
ToNkPiLs says:
and i
ToNkPiLs says:
never let and thing out
ToNkPiLs says:
if u dont mind
Luke says:
don't make the mistake of thinkin ure the only one who's lost someone cos in 5 years 4 of my friends have died,2 suicides,1 murder and one natural death and it still hurts but i dunno why i can take it and u can't
Luke says:
i'll help u out with whatever problems u have but never tell me any of that shit ever again
ToNkPiLs says:
goodnight luke
Luke says:
goodnight

NOTICE: just for the info, David is my friend who has joined the army.


See this is exactly what I keep saying, you can think you know someone but in reality you know nothing about them. Tonight unveiled a very sinister side to someone I've known for 5 years and someone who I never thought would think the way I've just witnessed.

Let that be a lesson to people to keep an open mind about the people you know because you might not know them at all.

 

Ouch, how old is your dog?

 

All the best about your dog. What his/her name? She sounds awfully ill, poor thing: don't worry, we'll all be praying. Don't do anything drastic, but if she's in absolute pain, and you do have to put her down, don't feel guilty at all- it would be cruelty to keep it alive any longer. But I guess you should ascertain his/her health first.

 

When my maths teacher PMSed she called us wild animals and threw the duster at us.

 

Sounds fun.

 

AHHH, son of a bitch. I'm soo pissed off that I couldn't pass him. He was right in front of me, and I couldn't push myself hard enough to take him. I was beside him at a few points, but I couldn't take him, damnit. I'm glad I wasn't anchor, otherwise I'd be really pissed at myself. Oh well, there's always room for improvement.

 

Ouch, no offence but what a bitch.


--------------------------------
I called Sarah today (Sarah's one of my best friends) to ask her why she wasn't returning my calls, when she told me that she went into a major accident. Shit. She was out with Aisha, Jea, Hafyz, Sana, and Abdul Samad. They were driving the car when this car from the back rammed into theirs, but apperently it ws thier fault. Jea and Aisha were sent to the hospital. Aisha has been discharged but Jea is still in the hospital, as her Pelvis is disjointed. She needs bed rest.

 

Ow. Hope she gets well soon.

 

Derek- i hope the best feelings for your pet, and most of wishs for a better....after life? ( whateveryou in =D)


Aisha - i really do hope that your friend, Sarah gets well soon!

 

Well I think I'll visit her today.
EDIT::


My mom just went to the bazaar and asked my sister Fatima to cook some food. Well my sister was cooking and boiling hot oil spurted onto her face after something with water was put in the cooking oil. Her face is burnt; her chin and eyelid. Her chin is burnt badly that her skin has torn, and she can

 

EDIT::
My mom just went to the bazaar and asked my sister Fatima to cook some food. Well my sister was cooking and boiling hot oil spurted onto her face after something with water was put in the cooking oil. Her face is burnt; her chin and eyelid. Her chin is burnt badly that her skin has torn, and she can

 

Oh man, poor, poor Fatima. Wish her my very best, really hope she get's well doon. What's the doctor saying? I know how much an oil burn hurts, but that's a LOT of oil. My best, and don't worry, once she's put on some sort of soothing medicine she'll feel much better. to you an a big to her as well.

 

Damn it I wrote the whole thing so why isn't the thing getting posted? Sorry for double posting though. She can't close her eye lids properly. My mom was crying as she was sort of in denial, blaming herself as if it was all her fault, like "I depend too much on her, and I should have cooke myself." infact my sister is very brave she didn't cry, my mom did.

 

That's really sad, Aisha dear. Wow, your sister is really brave, after all this...wow. How old is she? Anyway, my best advice is don't try and talk too much to your mom, atleast not for now because she's really upset. Just hug her and tell her lightly it's not her fault and give her all the love you can. When the situation calms down a little, then you can talk to her. For now, just give em both loadsa love, thats my advice atleast. Keep your mind of it for a while, check out the jokes thread or something, . And just help them as much as you can.