Got Something You Want To Let Out?

I can compltely relate to what you are saying, even though I'm much younger. I'm just a year away from my boards which are a HUGE deal here, and everyone's like, I gotta study, it's every man for himself now. People will do anything for a grade, and make you feel REALLY REALLY bad that you aren't studying. They'll always make you feel really guilty for not studying and I can't count the amount of times I've been near tears coz everyone else seems like a machine and I need breaks and stuff. This is probably my last year of school in which I don't have to worry about choices...and career options and stuff.

You should compltely have fun. You're right, there is always a plan B, anyway, people who excel in exams are rarely more sucessful/happy after a ten year timespan or whatever. If these are your last years of carefree fun then don't compromise it for anyone or anything. And if your friends don't see that, fuck them. I think you should tell them this. There will always be a million little things you can do to be sucessful lateron but you cant do a single thing which will allow you to act like an immature kid again.



@Nate:



@Mali:

 

I have something totally unrelated to the situation above to let out.

Well it’s about school for one. Friday was the last day of school but I had this scholarship to apply for which I really needed a testimonial from my teacher but he only just finished writing it for me the day before and according to him I should edit it before I actually sent it in. Hence we made an appointment to meet in school on Monday to get this over with. But at that time I totally forgot that I had tuition during the time we were meant to meet and I had no means of contacting him for canceling.

Anyway, I went to tuition and when I came back, my brother said that my teacher had called twice and by the sounds of it he seemed really pissed. Adding to my list of "achievements", I have now successfully made a teacher hate me. I've sent an apology fax to the school hoping he'll see it if he ever goes back but I doubt he'll forgive me. Furthermore he's supposed to grading my exam papers during these two weeks of holiday...ahhh...

 

That's good to hear Nate



Tomorrow: Exam in coloring. Pray for me it's gonna be 1 color...=/

 

I'm so fucking confused.

In a relationship, no more in a relationship, but maybe not forever? Ugh... What the fuck is going on... What the fuck happened with all she told me. Bullshit? Can't be. It was no bullshit. Then, why? Why all of a sudden it became the opposite of all that she said, of what she told me it wouldn't be.

It's impossible, when everything that should be right IS RIGHT, not to know if you do or do not love someone - there has to be something wrong. It's impossible, when you were not the one who pressed the other into the relationship, to be responsible for things going "too fast". Why, when you've already started laying out plans for weeks ahead, it all falls down of a sudden?

Or then, I might be absolutely wrong. I might have missed something. I might be blind and dumb. I really don't fucking know, and I'm unable not to give a shit.

 

I think I'm bipolar.


Like, not the type of Bipolar where you happy one second and then hitting lot's of things the next, I just get really moody. If even the slightest thing goes wrong sometimes I'll get really sad and take it to heart. Like if a friend doesn't call me in a few days I'll think they hate me and seriously debate on never speaking to them again. I allways blow things out of porportion.


I think I have a serious problem, and sometimes I can't control it it sucks. -.- Because like a few of my friends do the same thing and they're diagnosed with being bipolar because of it so it got me thinking. I dunno, it's strange. :\

 

No it's not like even a while, more like two days lol. ;P I guess I am just a paranoid person, but I wish people would reassure me I have nothing to be paranoid about. It would make me feel tons better.

I think I just over-analyze everything. I think to hard about such feeble things like that. I guess because I'm allways so afraid of losing people. Yeah, see, I think too much lol. I shouldn't worry about such things.

Yet I do have lots of people I used to be close to, yet they haven't talked to me in maybe three or four years. I lost Michelle, I lost all my friends from Manatee. They don't talk to me anymore for some strange reason.

I have horrible people skills, so it makes me insecure. Other times also, not even if someone doesn't call me. If I don't even see them for a while I get paranoid as well.

 

Anya, you have nothing to be paranoid about. <3


So this summer is shaping up to be the best ever.
I'll have my liscence. I have some exciting new friends.
I have a huge possibility of having the best girlfriend I've ever had.
My friend and I are thinking of taking a train trip to Oregon for a campus visit there.


Take me as an example people.
A few months ago, I had a lot of problems in my life.
But trust me, they'll work out sooner or later.
Right now I'm probably the happiest I've been in a long, long, time.

 

Welcome to my world...seriously.

 

This summer is shaping up to be pretty interesting.

Pillsbury complex, Oliver labs, Gopher Ordnance, Hamm's, Landmark...all done in the first couple of weeks. I've been accepted into the urban exploration community, named, and done my first free climb. I've ruined a pair of jeans, gotten pigeon shit all over my boots and backpack, dropped a camera into a mud puddle, had the water run brown off me while showering, combed sandstone out of my hair, and come close to being arrested and charged with terrorist activity. And I'll keep going, if only because I feel alive when I'm exploring. I get a rush from evading police and security, from using my muscles and wits to break into sealed buildings.

It's very illegal. I'm well aware. But I feel more at home in Hamm's than I do in my house. Is there something wrong with that? Or is it just the camaraderie of the explorers that makes me feel that way?

At the same time, I know I'm a danger to the community. I would not be one bit surprised if the FBI had me tagged because of my family's links to the Middle East and my unashamed vocalizations of the problems with the nation's government. If I'm caught, I'm a lot less likely to be let off with a slap on the wrist, and so is everyone else with me.

 

damn it! why the fuck does he do that?

Why do I have to be so much damned trouble??

...why the fuck does he have to be married?!

why does he love me so?!

why?!

Why?

..damn it..why?​

I miss him too...

he thinks of me every time he has sex with his wife.

I must be horrible or something....

I havn't even talked to him in nearly a whole year and he still thinks of me every time.​

I found him on myspace...but I can't message him...I'll get him in trouble.

He can't talk to me.

I know this

Teresa talks to him though...she tells me what he says.

FUCK!​

I thought he forgot about me.

It makes me happy he didn't...​

 

Although I am a girl, I don't understand my own sex.

 

Maxime asked me to come live with him after Summer...I could learn really fast french there, he could help me with it and it's always better when everyone around you is speaking french aswell. And after that, look out for a job...It makes me feel like the happiest person alive

 

But I can't stop iit.

 

<3

 

Alright my girlfriend has gone out of town and i'm pretty much disturbed cause of that.I usually act like this tough guy but yesterday i could sense a tear in my eye thinking about her

 

I wish there was some way I could motivate him. He never wants to practice with us and even refused to play one song last night when we were offered the chance. I think he might have stage fright, but he was fine when we performed last Spring. This really bothers me. It's like he doesn't want to even attempt to have fun anymore.

 

Yesterday i saw a dream.... I saw that I was chatting with a person I used to.. Well, it's not my fault that this stopped...Damn busyness.. And Geminies are not so bad after all, I even saw him in my dream... after all that time of inactivity..I just miss thee..

 

I know how that is. The drummer in my band doesn't look too bothered anymore either.

 

I just asked my friend out in a assembly and he said no. He was well aware since yesterday that I had feelings for him because I had told him myself...You know to get things over and done with.

I went to the bathroom and cried and I explained to my friend Ash everything and showed her the conversation. We went out and got Benecki, the guy/friend I asked out. We went upstairs and started talking. He can't give me a reason why he won't go out with me, but he says that he wants to be friends and that he worries about me and I should get help.

I feel so worthless.