Got Something You Want To Let Out?

Meh, I talked about all of this crap to Alissa today...she is who I was debating with and she made me come up with my argument on why I can't have any type of Faith...

You see, I'd never give up my eyes like many do. I could never be blind and happy. I would rather have my eyes and sleep on the street than give up my eyes for a bed.

Granted Alissa has been through some horrible...HORRIBLE stuff that i would NEVER put on ANYONE. no matter who or what they were...and I can see why she needs Faith...but for me, I'd rather be completely misserable and see and care about what is going on. I can't just...not let it affect me.

She asked me today: "How's the changing of the world coming?"
...it's so true. I just want to make things better. I want to make these people see! ...it bothers me so much. *sigh*

 

Don't think about it too much. There are some things you can't rush. If you pressure someone to make the right decision, they'll either rebel or panic and make the wrong one. You can't pressure people to accept things or realise what they're doing is wrong. I'm selfish. I can't even imagine giving up everything I have now to live "in peace". I do things for my own good, and for my friends and family. You probably don't want to hear my opinion but I just.. want to say stuff sometimes no matter how irrelevant they are..

 

haha, Mali, with me, You're welcome to go off and say as much as you'd like.

Well...you see, I can't make these people see anything because they are so set in their ways. Alissa says I'm one of those who've come to "test her faith" That God sent me to test her, see if she really if full of His love and Faith.

She annoys me soooo much...and I her, but we love each other. haha. We're like complete opposites.

I don't want to make her think about these things becasue having her Faith is the ONLY thing which keeps her sane...You don't want to hear that stuff that she's been through.

You know, I have to have attention, but I try to do what is best for everyone else...I think I care too much. This is where the being torn comes in. I hate people, but I love them. I can't help but want to help them, but I don't like them...but I love them. This is where Alissa can't deal with it. She doenst know how I can stay sane and stay on the fence...that is where I'm nto sure if I am sane...I mean, my way of thinking is liek...insane. Most people I don't think could do it becuase there is no steady ground...nothing....Everything has something that is right, something that is wrong, NOTHING is 100% anything. You can't feel safe in anything... :sad:

 

I don't have anything proper to say *hug*

 

haha, alrighty then.

 

i found some money on the floor last night and didnt hand it in. it wasnt like a tenner either - it was £95. ouch :S

 

I feel guilty. Today was a brilliant day for me, but a terrible day for one of my closest friends. It hurts every time I think 'I'm having a good day.'

On another note, I just discovered a huge bruise on my arm and my neck from an overenthusiastic friend that kept grabbing me and making me run, dance and jump with her. I don't know how to tell her to stop, she's just, weird.

 

No, mostly because I'm not competely sure of who said it. Although I have an idea of who it was.

 

Even though you don't know me personally, I've seen enough pictures of you to know that you are, in fact, pretty. Whomever said that is, quite obviously, jealous of the fact that you're smart and pretty, or what ever the case may be.

 

=]

Thanks, Will. That's really sweet of you to say.

 

I hate how myself and my drummer are the only two people in my band who are at all motivated. I think M (we'll call him that) might be motivated enough, but not to the point where he wants to practice every day like I do (even though I say I don't; I don't want to seem obsessed or something).

I came up with the idea of covering Funeral for a Friend's "History" since I can play it on guitar with relative ease and the lead and drums aren't that hard, and B (we'll call him that) shot the idea down, saying we should "cover an up-beat song." I'm pretty sure we can cover more than one song, dude.

And I'm not the one who sits there are practices, randomly playing shit-sounding chords that have no place in the song we're playing at the time. You idiot, you wasted money on the guitar you bought, because you practiced three times in the five months you had it, and you can't come up with any ideas that actually fit into the songs we're playing.

B wouldn't even let me teach him the guitar part I wrote for the song that he and M had started working on before, so he could play the whole song himself. "I don't want to play the same thing as you," he said. You won't be playing the same thing as me because I won't be playing. I'll be the one singing or whatever the fuck we're doing.

Someone's going to end up snapping at him, and it's either going to be me or C (our drummer). He's not productive, he can't write lyrics for shit and he's horrifically unmotivated. I mean, yeah, he claims he can't wait until we play shows and shit, but it's as if he doesn't want to do anything to help us get to that point.

Asking him to put the guitar down and just sing isn't going to go over well, and he'll probably get pissed off at us. But it doesn't matter, since the only thing he's come up with for any song at this point has been a simple four-chord progression, which sucked and didn't match, so I had to re-write it anyway. But he won't play it the re-written way.

We'd ask him to play bass but all he does is sit there and hit random strings and doesn't even try to come up with anything that fits into any of our songs. It's pretty ridiculous, and it's pretty lame. He's thrown us off at a couple practices by randomly tapping strings and other random bullshit so we've had to start completely over.

He's a great friend and everything but as a musician I don't think he's going to be able to cut it. He doesn't have the work ethic or the ear for what sounds good (as in more than one guitar). He claims a song is "too slow" to cover, yet doesn't mind if we have a couple slow songs. What's the difference if we cover a slow song, then? Seriously, we don't have to play it live.

Gah. This is going to drive me nuts. I don't have a problem with the other two (M and C), but I've got a big problem with him (B) and it's going to end up causing someone to quit the band sooner or later, and everyone's already stated that they want me, M and C in the band, with B on vocals, so B's going to end up being the one to quit.

In other news, I'm slowly getting over being sick.

 

Holy shit, as I grow older, I've realized I've become so much more superstitious. I hope (IP) won't leave me after this trip to ontario...thats how she lost (JV) last time. I have the strongest feeling something big is about to happen, godamn she's got no trust in me. Sorry for such an unclear message about what problem I am dealing with here..I just needed a spot where I can type some of this out...I don't know. Fuck.

 

i don't know y the fuck i can't stay home as dad organised 4 the family to go out to whoop whoop with camping and nature when i could be going to a sleep over party GRRRRRR.. then i could keep an eye on mi dogs and feed em and hang out with mi friends and have the house to myself now that would b great

 

I dont know, if i helped her for the good, or if i did it for the bad.


I seriousely need to stop helping people...but they all seem to come to me..

im just plain scared if i tell them wrong things or something...

 

join the club man...

 

She fucking punched me again. I know she doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, but whenever I tell her that it does hurt and that she should stop pulling me by my hair and dragging me away from people I want to talk to, she gets all huffy and acts like she doesn't understand. Yeah, yeah, she's younger and all, but only by one year and a half, but it's not like she needs to act like she was dropped on the head.

Me: You know, I'm all blue now, because of you.
Her: Yeah, so?
Me: Could you please stop punching and pulling me around everywhere like a freaking rag doll, I bruise easily..

And she laughed. She fucking laughed at me, then pulled me by my bruised arm off to somewhere I didn't want to go to in the first place. I want to be mad at her but I can't really, she's kind of simple-minded, even though she thinks of the most disgusting things, and she's the only one that really hangs out with me all the time.

 

Punch her back and walk away. Just because she hangs out with you all day long doesn't give her the right to punch you and drag you everytime she wants.

 

I think I'll do just that on Monday, thanks Marj.

 

lol i went and bought some DVS with that money i found

 

So my uncle apparently has cancer in his chest, and it's very hard to reach, so they can't do surgery. Therefore, they're going to have to do intense chemotherapy for like.. 6 months, 6 hours at a time. So he's going to lose all his hair and be really very sick. And he has some kind of growth on his neck that they're going to have to do surgery on, but can't until they start working on the cancer. Ugh. My grandpa died of cancer, my grandma nearly did, and now he has it. I'm kind of afraid. I mean, we've never been hugely close, but I see him every two weeks or so, and we get along really well. Uccck.