Got Something You Want To Let Out?

'Promiscuity', methinks. Yes, hanging out with him will bring back the memories, and make you resent him, but maybe you need to put it behind you? I don't know, I'm no good as a psychiatrist, I end up sounding cheesy. But I do listen well, so IM me any time you want to talk.

---

Thank you. I guess I can only try.

 

well...i did have him behind me. that is the thing. You was GONE! i didn't care. I think the big thing is that I just don't want to talk/see him. lol.
oh, and another thing is that I dont' have a bf, or a special friend like that anymore, so I feel volnerable. I feel as if, i want that, and becuase I'm so damned pickey, he is still the only one i've ever gone out w/. You know? And right now, I really want a bf. So I'll be weird. the only guy that I like right now has too many problems for me to deal w/...that and he is too old.

I think I should avoid Brian like the plauge. haha.


for Mali.

 

I'm never fucking good enough.

 

Yes you are. <3

 

wow. i smoked crack. and then i promised michael i wouldn't do it again. and i did. like 4 times. and he doesn't know about these 4 times, and i am not about to tell ANYONE...so shhhhh. it's a secret.

and please don't sit there and tell me it's bad and all that. i KNOW that. trust me. i can feel an addiction coming on. i just said this cuz i was tired of dragging all this weight around.

 

He really pisses me off royal...I mean, he comes back into town, acts like he's the shit and that you're supposed to just listen to him...ha. And if he's a racist, loser pothead, you REALLY don't need to make ANY time for him. Trust me, you're a thousand times better than that...you always will be. I'll deal with him if he ever gives you trouble. Just tell him to leave you alone, and if he doesn't...I will.

 

I want to stop drinking pop and eating junk food....but it's so hard to resist. I had this plan today that I would stop, and I wouldn't drink anymore for a while. Just to clean out my system, ya know? Like eat healthy for a month and get all the junk out, because I've been doing a really bad job lately. Ugh....but I had alot of Dr. Pepper today. I just couldn't resist my favorite drink........

Sometimes I get an erection in my first block class and then I look at this not-so-great-looking lady in front of me and it goes away...And it's usually like 3 minutes before the bell rings, too...so I'm about to stand up...and I have to look at her quick and think random thoughts.

Just had to get that off my chest....

 

yes evan...you're just a replacement...just a fucking replacement...you'll always be just a replacement....

 

You'll find someone who appreciates you for who you are.

 

thanks mali...im just under some emotional stress right now....hope it goes away soon...

 

I ripped up fiona's pictures. ripped them up real good. makes me feel better. she's backstabbed a good friend for the sake of a boyfriend. and hurt me deeply. 90% of it is shock right now. the rest I feel betrayed. she knew i still liked anson still. but she said yes anyway. i hate her friends which are being abusive and harrassing me, with annoying fone calls. im pressing charges on them. I feel so empty. I feel all alone. she deserves my hate. she deserves every drop of guilt that she has.
now my bestie is my worst enemy.

 

At least someone thinks so. <3

 

i know how you feel. that sounds like the shit i am going through right this second...which i changed by deciding to have my phone on silent...constantly...for a week and see if these immature bastards grow up.



( i doubt it)

 

Nobody is around when I need them. Even though there is only one person I want to talk to about this, I need to talk now, and he isn't here. Damn time differences.

My mum miscarried in August, and recently, it's just started to hit. EVERYBODY ELSE is having babies. My friends mum, some girl at school's pregnant, a teacher is, but the one that's really getting to me is my stepbrothers girlfriends. She's called Courtney, a month old, sounds adorable, but I haven't met her, let alone seen a picture of her, or anything like that. And it's like, another baby that I can't cuddle or take care of. And all I get to hear from my friend this week is how everybody is DYING around her. I told her about this, she's the ONLY person i told, and 2 minutes later, she's talking about a french guy on life support, cheers Kayleigh. Anyway, what I meant by that was, the only other thing I get to hear about is death, and abortion, teenage pregnancy, and anything else along those lines. I know that I'm just noticing these things more, but it feels like something is trying to ramm it into my head, rub it in.

Last tuesday, I was supposed to start my period, but I didn't. So naturally, I think, "pregnant", despite having had a period since the last time I had sex. I was worried at first,but then got really excited about it, started thinking up names, etc. then my period came on Friday. I still wish I was pregnant, I'm so so tempted to go screw somebody, just for the sake of getting pregnant. Stupid, I know, yet I still want it.

But I'm not having sex for ages yet. No fucking way. I lost my virginity in september to some prat, who said he loved me, but didn't know the meaning of the word. And I regret it so, so much. I didn't even love the moron! I love somebody else! I've loved somebody else for a while now. My best friend, advice giver. And, just my luck, I found out a couple of weeks ago that he loves me too, but not in a way that he'd want to go out with me. He then said later on, that he wished I hadn't lost it because he'd wanted to take it himself. Secretly, I've always wished he would too, but there was, and still is, not much hope of me even sleeping next to him. Meh, before that, he'd sent me an email telling me that I should move on and not regret it, but how can I not after hearing something like that?

I'm an idiot.

 

is that towards me?

 

yeah i think michael got me pregnant.


that would suck, but it wouldn't.

he always wanted kids.

idk. i took two tests, both negative, but i have the symptoms still.

oh well.

abortion looms on the horizon...




and @ the outsider, yes.

 

i know that feeling too well.
its only a natural state of freaking out.
but my friend had an abortion. that caned emotionally for her.

 

Of course. <3

 

what symptoms hon? And normal tests don't work until you're 12-15 days gone.

Go to the docs.

Abortion, meh. I'd look after the kid for you.

 

i wouldn't get an abortion. but he better be there to support the kid...it was his fault, he didn't use a condom and didn't tell me and the damn thing was in his hand the whole time.

anyway the morning sickness, hungry but can't eat, sore boobs (that started today), dizziness, spotting, and the fatigue. that is a big one. i try to smoke but it makes me sick, i feel different, mood swings, it is one great experience. not.