Got Something You Want To Let Out?

Parents suck.

 

Is that really a confession?

Damn it, if only that fucking plane didn't crash.

 

Okay, i'm in a pretty shitty mood so i thought i'd vent here for the first time ever.

Subject One:
I have to be up at 5:00am for work tomorrow, which isn't out of the ordinary as i've done it many time before. Although, this time they decide to put me on delivery which i've done once, and i hated it. I don't even know how to do it, they haven't even taught me. Then when it probably goes wrong, they'll moan at me Oh geez, yeah um, sorry and all BUT YOU COULD HAVE FUCKING TOLD ME HOW TO DO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Anyway, fuck work, i give too much time and attention to a shitty part time job.

Subject Two:
Starting September i'm going back to college to get my points up so i can go to university and study Multimedia / Graphic Design. It's what i want to do, but i'm constantly thinking if i'm making the right decision, I think I am, so I guess that's what counts. Plus, it's what I want to do. I'm looking forward to it i think. Honestly deep down, this is just something to do along side playing the drums, as that is what I want to do out of anything else.

Subject Three:
Yes, this is the emo post about girls. You won't see this very often so don't get used to it. First off, i'm 19 in 4 days and i haven't had a girlfriend for a long time. Not good. Now, I tell myself i don't mind and it'll happen when it happens and i'll eventually meet someone, but truthfully, I want a girlfriend. Finding one is hard, i go out, and never really meet anyone, all the people I know from school are no good, i'm friends with them. That's a problem for me, I always become friends before actually going out with anyone, not a good thing. I thought I was a nice guy, I still think i am but for fucks sake, it's not like i'm not trying.

Subject Four:
Girls who have feelings for you, but you don't share the same feelings. Now not to be biased as i'm sure this works the opposite way around too. It's annoying, even if you do make yourself clear that you don't share the feelings, they still tell you how they love you etc. Oh, in that case, fuck me now. No, dear, i still don't love you.

Sorry to dumb it down, but that's how it feels.

 

God, this has been bothering me for the whole fucking day.

I might as well explain everything...

As a lot of you may already know, there was a plane crash in Greece. They plane had departed from Cyprus, and less than 3 hours later it crashed into a hillside Northeast of Athens. There were no survivors. It was a pain to find out that someone I knew had been on that plane. That really ruined my day. I can't fucking believe this and I'm really losing my mind at the moment.

My parents don't trust me anymore and we barely get along. Ever since I made a stupid weblog entry about being depressed they've never trusted me. They still think I have fucking problems and I'm actually much better than I was before. They won't even let me have a computer in my room. They have to know who I'm talking to, what I'm doing. And my dad always rants about how I'm always on the computer. Well fuck him. It's the only way I can really talk to friends nowadays considering the fact that if you're caught talking during class at school, you're suspended. Not to mention I hate talking on the phone.

My parents still think I'm obsessed with Linkin Park when I don't even listen to them anymore. They ask me every now and then when I have headphones in my ears, "Are you listening to your little friends Linkin Park?" I mean, I was in love with them months ago and I've lost most of my interest. It's so fucking annoying. I listen to every other possible thing and they say, "I doubt it."

Some of my friends don't understand the fucking meaning of depression. I mean, I'm not really depressed, but I'm so serious about everything. I have the worst temper and my family knows it. I try to hide it from my friends but they've seen me depressed and they've seen me in a serious mood. A lot of my friends tease the cutters at our school and I find the fucking situation sick. They don't fucking understand. Next thing you know, you'll see them with a fucking gun to their head saying, "Life sucks."

My brother is not the same person anymore. Ever since he got a girlfriend, he's changed. He's just not the same. Now that she left for college he's changed even more. I can't stand it. I want my fucking brother back. He also puts down everything I get too. Like, I just got this fucking sweet Pearl drumsets and he thinks it's smaller than others. But it's cool, drumsets don't necessarily have to be big to be good. It's the fucking sound, John. IT'S THE FUCKING SOUND.

Somehow I feel the lyrics I wrote for my band were good even though the other members thought they sucked. All they write is their stupid screamo lyrics and think it's something good. Well they're fucked up. They need some fucking perspective.

Why is it that I fall in love with every girl that pays any fucking attention to me?

I'm never forgetting that phone call.