Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

There's a really good chance no one's going to see me for a long time. If my professors are unwilling to work with me, I'm probably going to be expelled from Kent State for two years because of my grades. I'll probably be forced to get a full-time job to pay for all the tuition bills, and I'm probably going to lose a couple friends for not being able to go to school. That means, starting in December if this all doesn't work out, I'm probably going to have fallen off the face of the Earth, and most of my belongings will probably be taken away, including my computer.

So if I suddenly disappear, that's what happened.

 

Don't get expelled! o.o
I realllllly hope they're willing to work with you.


And...thank you Tim and John. That's so sweet.

 

Soo we just dropped my Brother off at the airport and he'll be in Japan now for a year with his fiance.

I'm gonna miss him. At least it gives me an excuse to visit Japan now though, haha.

I'm really proud of him though, it's been his dream since like.. he was born practically to go to Japan. Every since I was little it's been his dream to go there, and I'm happy he finally gets his chance to fullfil it.

 

My brother moved to China. I already miss him, he's the only member of my family who even remotely understands me.

I moved out of my parents' house, and now I'm living eighty miles away from them, thank god. They still don't know that I explore abandoned buildings or that I'm a socialist. God only knows what they'd do if they did know.

My friends here are great, but my boyfriend is still a little batty about a lot of things. I can't talk to him because he gets defensive whenever I mention something that I'd like us to work on. And he hates it when I spend time with male friends, or at least one in particular. I really want a little more time to spend with my other friends (and I'd really like it if he could come to my place and try to socialize with my roommates), and a little time to myself. I see him way more than anyone else, and he doesn't have a lot of friends besides me. I'm trying to get him to get out and make more friends so he isn't always depending on me, but he won't hear of it.

To top that off, one of my best guy friends and I are working on some songs together (we're thinking of performing at an open mic night or something), when all of a sudden he asks if I want to hear a song he wrote. Since the last few songs we'd rehearsed were about socialism, I assume that that's what this one is about. No. Not even close. Turns out he wrote that song for me. Under other circumstances, I think I would have melted. As it was, I blithered. I managed to say no, and pretty much ran.

The big problem is that for a very, very long time, I had really strong feelings for him, and after a while just gave up because I didn't think he cared at all. But apparently those old feelings aren't quite gone, and my gut is telling me that saying no was a really big mistake.

At the same time, I can't just break up with my boyfriend. Not just for this. Shit.

 

I'm not exactly sure why but my grandfather's back in hospital. Even if it isn't serious it is kind of worrying.

 

I think I'm going to need a psychiatrist. It's getting worse every day. I can't deal with it anymore.

 

I don't know why, but lately I get all jealous when I see pregnant women and wishing I was pregnant too. Also, I'm dreaming about a super romantic proposal and a big happy wedding.

 

[complain]Blaah, I'm kinda stressed out.

1) I got cut from the part that I wanted in "A Christmas Carol." I knew there was a possibility that I might but still..I've been busting my ass trying to learn all the choreography and be one of the best and it never seems to pay off..

2) The Aerodrome has closed for the season. Me going to work on the weekends was, to be completley honest, an escape for me. I could just have fun, be myself, and just have fun with the people there. And now I don't have that release.

3) It's been close to two months since I've seen Josh. And it really sucks. You just start to get insecure after a little while and I can't help but think he doesn't love me as much anymore. *headdesk* But Saturday, I should see him. *thanks God*

4) I am just so tired out. I just want to relax, and give myself time to breathe. I feel like I don't have that time to myself anymore. It wears you down.

5) I did something kinda stupid Sunday night, and I'm just kinda dwelling. I mean, it's not THAT bad but still...

*sigh* [/complain]

 

Awww...

I can imagine how you must feel. need someone to talk? I'm always there for you

 

Hun, everytime I see a baby, I call Jay and tell him I want one.

I totally feel you right now.

 

Yeah. I've always told myself that I'd never want kids but here I am wanting one anyway. I blame Maxime, since he came into my life I've wanted one with him.

Ohwell, the time will come. In a few years we'll move, get married and make a baby (if we can be so lucky).

And thanks Chris!

 

If Jay and I have a son, and you and Maxime have a girl (or the other way around)

...we're so arranging a marriage

 

That'd be so cool.

 

Their child would be such a mutt though.

Russian, Dutch, French, Scottish, Irish, Welsh, Native American, Polish, Black, and Syrian.

o_o

holy fuck its the UN!

 

And Jewish and Algerian.


What color would your weddingdress be? Mine is gonna be SO pink blue.

 

Well with a frenchman that shouldn't be a problem lol

 

Maxime's a little afraid of marriage but I told him we're gonna get married before he's 30, which is in 7 years so he still has some time.
He's great with kids though. xD

 

Yup Jewish here too.

i actually have it saved, its cream with a royal purple back. its hard to explain but if i post it, jay will see it :[

 

I say PM it!!

 

I swear if they gave medals away for being a fucking asshole, my brother would be the gold-medal winner every time. I just can't relate to it. I have too much of a guilty conscience to talk to my friends and family in such a dickish condescending manner. I can say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he's the only family member I've wanted to punch in the face (at least more than once). I don't know why I put up with him. I guess I'm just too damn nice. Story of my life.