Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

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What's wrong, John...?

 

Thanks St0f and Friskey.

 

i want to move ouf of here
i can't stand anyone here, people are disgusting
i need a girl
i wanna be with my cousins (they live in florida)
i feel like i don't have any motivation for anything
i don't know if i should change mayors or not
i feel like my life is a waste of time.

 

NO! don't ever think your life is a waste of time! *headdesk* I don't like seeing you like this... John.. .....

*msn*

 

I feel like such a slut.



UGHHH <.<



but I feel better than I did before.

 

Thanks Ori, thank you for cheering me up

 

<3

@John: Always!

 

I am in what very well might be the worst mood I've been in in quite some time.

The only way I can really describe the way I'm feeling is "lost". I don't know how else I can say it. There's just so much on my mind and I don't really know how to deal with it at all.

My best friend is in college some 55 miles away and I won't see her for some time. She hasn't called me in over a week and I just found out some major things going on in her life through her facebook. It just kind of hurts that I haven't spoken to her. I miss my "sister". It's killing me to not see her everyday. I keep waiting for her to walk uninvited into my house, turn to my Dad and say "Hey Daddy, where's Mand?"

170 miles away lives a guy who I care very deeply for. I'm used to the long distance thing. I know what it is to have a strictly emotional relationship. I mean, even with my last relationship which wasn't long distance, we were dating for 14 months and sometimes we'd go for a week without kissing even though we saw each other every day. I'm used to having less physical contact even though I hate it. I miss him so much that it's physically painful to me. There have been nights that I've curled on the floor of my room crying until I either exhausted myself or went into a coughing fit. And now the distance is starting to take a toll on him. The only reason I haven't completely broken down is because I knew we were both fighting for this. The more he wavers the weaker I get. I've never felt this way for someone before. I love him. But when he says that it's this hard on him it kills me.

In my town I feel like I'm turning into one of the whores I hate. I'm very close with my guy friends. We hug and kiss on the cheek all the time and we joke around and grab each other girls and guys included. But lately, more and more guys have been coming to me and "joking around". I'm starting to feel like I'm sending out the wrong vibe to the wrong people. But I don't want to point an accusing finger and be like "I'm not going to hang out with you now because I think you're going to try and use me for something I'm not going to give you". I don't know how to go about fixing this. With my intimate group of close friends this is all well and good but with these new guys I'm not so approving.

Right here in my own home I'm keeping secrets. More than I can keep track of at the moment. I just keep lying to cover my ass. But I think it's starting to show through. I'll say something and looks will be exchanged around the room. I don't know what to do about that. Right now, telling the truth about a few things might just make it worse so that really isn't an option.

I'm a mess. There's mascara and eyeliner all down my face right now and all I want is a hug and for the world to go away.

Even for just a little while.

 

God I feel like such an asshole

 

aw, dear.

--
After so many months of giving him the silent treatment, I'm really glad that I'm friends with him again.


...i like britney's new single.

 

I know I shouldn't mind her so much and all, but really, just when I thought I couldn't despise her even more...I just did. o.o

 

Fuck it, stop yelling. Stop yelling, stop yelling, stop yelling. I WILL SELLOTAPE YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

 

Ok, you're getting a pat on the shoulder, because I don't want to be near you at the moment. *pats*

 

*hugs you tightly*

 

@Friskey- fuck you, honey. Thanks for the pat, though.
@Andrea- *hugs back tighter* thanks. Da's an asshole sometimes most of the time.

 

Sorry.

But seriously, sorry that's going on, Malidear.

 

I'm sorry about it, as well.

 

If you need to talk, you always know where I am.

 

You know, that's exactly what I think of my father these days. I don't know what the input for the hug thing is, but yeah.

I enroll tomorrow and I feel like I'm going to be sick. I'm fucked when I actually start.

 

@Friskey - I do. I do know
Dean - it's : hug :. . Good luck with the college thing. You're a smart cookie, babe.