Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

Fail.

Devilsnight: Everyone feels that way at one point or another in their life. You just gotta think ahead...is what you're doing worth it for your future? If you ever wanna talk, I'm here!

Chris: I'm sorry to hear that. I hate that feeling of just being...lost and so sad. Hopefully once it starts to get warmer and sunnier you might cheer up a little.

Andrea: Yeah, I hear ya. My mom does stuff like that. I always wanna say something like you did...but I kinda learned not to..because she's just so pigheaded. And about your grandfather...I'm so so sorry.

 

Thanks Arlene I hope so too

 

Arlene: Thanks for the words of wisdom, appreciate the offer to talk

Sarah: Thanks for the reasurance its most welcome at the minute

 

Why him?
How is it that he can just pop back into my life after 2 years, and as a result get into contact with her.
Next thing I know they're dating.
My old best mate.
And the girl I haven't been able to get out of my head for over 3 years.

It doesn't seem fair...

 

Damn I had a whole post written up and my computer fucked up.

Okay so here's what happened (anyone who is actually named is a friend of mine for future reference):

My friends Molly and Monalisa had an 18th birthday party today. Party was going well, but there were too many people there. Many of which couldn't hold their alcohol. It all started when people started throwing up in Molly's room. Me and my friends started regulating, getting people out and into restrooms or sinks and cleaning up since their friends are too stupid to do anything about it. Things started getting worse when people started showing up that even M&M didn't know. One stupid ass starts trying to start fighting with a girl. Really now.

So I start trying to get them out of the house. You know, crowd control, regulating. If you're gonna disrespect my friend Peter's house with this shit, you're going to have to leave. No drama. Get this guy and all his friends out the house. My friends all come by and back me up, start getting them out the door. They get offended and start fighting with us. Thai smacks a guy in the face with brass knuckles. He's bleeding horribly. I deck a guy in the face with a lighter in my fist. He starts coming at me and gets hit in the back of the head. The fight breaks into the hallway and Molly's bedroom door gets kicked down by the guy who was brass knuckle'd. One guy pulls out a knife and we all start trying to fight him back out the door. Innocent people start trying to interfere, so I pull back to get them all out of the way of the fight. Beer bottles get thrown. Peter snaps (you NEVER see him mad, and if he gets mad, things are fucked for anyone who is in the offending party) and goes to his room to get his wrench. He comes back and gets everyone out. We get word that cops are on the way. I'm underage to drink so I'm about to head out the door to drive away when I see cop lights pulling up.

Tad and I run to the back, jump the fence and hit the dirt. It's 38 degrees outside. We basically hide out while stealth running through the neighborhood. A few times we checked the coast on the street and at most there were 4 cop cars and one constable. So we wait it out some more, check and see 2 cop cars and the constable. Long story short we had to call a friend who wasn't at the party to scoop me up to take me to my car with an alibi. By this point we had been outside for 2 hours. Get back to the street and the cops had all left. I get my car, drop Tad off, and just to be on the safe side, drive back home. Got here around 40 minutes ago, typed this, computer fucked up, typed it again. All my friends are safe and either at their houses or cleaning up the mess at Peter's house.

Moral of the story: Don't party with immature 17-18 year old Asians. They think they're the shit and can post up at MY friend's house and disrespect us and get away with it? We were just trying to keep the party light, under control and fun and you guys have to go and try to start shit. Well when you're in the house of one of my friends and you fuck up like that, you better be expecting us to fight back. YOU. DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. US.

Now a few of us are checking the guest list for the event on facebook and getting names. You're not getting away with this kind of bullshit. Consider yourself blacklisted. Better watch your asses.

Apologies, but I'm very pissed off right now and well, I guess that's it.

 

Kayce: You are right they are immature and I hope they wake up to themselves for what they did. You were trying to do the right thing by yourself and your friend, which is somewhat very pleasing to hear that somebody in the world is doing something right by their friend.

Harlz: Everything will be okay, I have a good feeling that it will be. It doesn't seem fair at the moment but one day, it'll take a major shift in the opposite direction and hopefully, things will work your way.

Me? I'm still very upset and pissed off. A friend who I've been best friends since kindy has defriended me over just because I didn't tell him about me and my Matt, and he has the guts to cause a fight with me on facebook, through his sister's account and doesn't have the guts to talk to me let alone face me. I was right by standing by the fact that I shouldn't answer to his every demand and the only reason why I said I wouldn't go out with him, because, at that time, I wasn't seeing anyone to start with, and I didn't like him in that way. So he goes and blows it out of proportion by blaming my rejection of him on a guy who I wasn't even seeing at that time of rejection. I wish he would grow the fuck up. On top of that, he's sending all my friends txt messages saying that they shouldn't be hanging out with me. It really hurts me to say that I hate him because I've known him and been best friends with him for over 10 years.

 

Well, I hate myself now.

 

Don't.

 

What. Since I didn't go to chruch with them I can't go out and celebrate my sisters birthday with them today? What kind of fucked shit is this?

 

why do i keep going? i don't have a purpose and clearly nobody gives a shit. fuck it all.

 

Don't though dude. You're a really sound guy and you should have a little more self confidence because we all see that you're a good guy so so should you.

____________________

I'm beginning to realise I don't need people as much as I thought I did. Half my friends are at Uni now so I hardly see them and I'm getting along ok. It's funny because whenever I talk to my friend over in Ireland (who happens to be the girl I adore) I feel a hell of alot closer to her than many of my other friends. I didn't go out on friday night because she said she needed to talk to me and we spent 2 and a half hours on msn about a few things she was going through. It's like when I talk to her it actually means something.

She depends on people alot and she knows I'm always there for her but I'll never get the image of what happened last summer out of my head and I'm worried that it's fucking with my mind because it just replays over and over. I tell myself every so often that I'm over it all and that I've moved on but I'm lying to myself.

I don't know if I'm going crazy or what but it's like everything reminds me of her or of what happened last summer and the weird thing is that I don't even feel anywhere near as strongly as I used to for her. Sometimes when I'm alone in my room I just speak out loud things I wanna say to her and to everyone else who was involved with what happened and I say it with such conviction that in my head it becomes real and for a few moments I leave reality...but then I come crashing back to what's real and know that it's all in my head and that makes me depressed as hell.

I do actually feel as if I'm losing my sanity over this whole thing because there's nothing at all I can do about it. She's in love with some other guy...some other guy who just so happens isn't my former friend who got with her last summer and fucked everything up. That guy is living a pretty sound life up north at Uni with his new girlfriend. What those two had involved a week of going out, getting drunk and fucking and because of that I feel like I'm going insane because I'm constantly slipping into some kind of sub-reality where I play out a different scenario in my head over and over and wish it was real so god damn much that I don't want to snap out of it. It's like the old cliche - don't wake me up, I don't want this dream to end.

I don't think it's even depression because life, while it could be going better, is okay at the moment. My bands are steadily progressing, my social life is pretty active and I don't feel like there's much going wrong. It's just that there's this big horrible stain on it all and it will not come clean.

Of course, it doesn't help that on wednesday I've gotta go and see my doctor about some pains I've been getting at the back of my head. That would be the cherry on the cake if somehow it's all linked because to tell you the truth I really wouldn't be surprised. Just gotta live in hope that maybe one day things will all be okay.

 

*sigh* Just wish she could be alright for a change.

 

My dad's doing really well now. They've been doing precautionary tests every couple days to make sure his vital organs are working properly and weren't affected by the infection. But other than that, he's been complaining that he's bored and needs more pillows.

 

That's great Will. Hope that he gets to come home soon. =)

 

Nothing wrong with needing more pillows.

But glad to hear that he's fine.

 

I wish I could figure out how to not destroy almost everything I have that means anything. I miss having friends.

 

'Cause I've got friends in low places
Where the whiskey drowns
And the beer chases my blues away
And I'll be okay
I'm not big on social graces
Think I'll slip on down to the oasis
Oh I've got friends in low places

I meant to post that here.

 

Tequila and Limes too? That sounds so good currently.

 

This'll sound really weird; at the moment I'm having so much fun and enjoying myself a ridiculous amount, but I've never felt so sad. It's strange, like there's something missing.

 

I wish there were metal core songs with country lyrics. I mean, it's just that country music doesn't really appeal to me but sometimes I like the lyrics. Also the music depresses me and metal energizes me.