Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

The concert was AMAZING.


<3

 

Where do I start?

I used to look forward to seeing and hanging out with people often, but lately it's been the opposite. The guy who's supposed to be my best friend doesn't ever call me much anymore, or anyone. Sometimes I don't see or even talk to him for weeks at a time, and I just grow bored of trying to track him down to keep our friendhsip held together by more than the strings that are barely holding it together as it is. He says he's always busy, and granted he probably is since he does work part-time and goes to a local university, but everyone is busy. I'm busy. I work two or three days in a row at with 12-hour shifts, and during those days I still find time to call or text people to see how they are doing, but not him. It's pathetic, and I've grown bored of it. Usually I would tell him how I feel about this situation, but I'm not really concerned about doing that this time. I even used to take my cellphone with me everywhere I go, but now I only take it with me when I leave the house and I check on it when I remember since it's not like he, or anyone, will text or call me much anyway.

Then this girl. Urhg. I haven't heard much from her lately, either. She is quite busy, but even just as far as a few weeks ago she woudn't leave me alone, and I really didn't mind at all. I love her company and the attention she brings. I love having deep conversations with her because I always get both sides if the ball. Now when I do talk to her she seems distracted. She's supposed to come over and hangout tonight, but I'm not really concerned if it actually does happen or not. I love being around her, I really do, but at the same time I get mad. It's like theres two of me fighting eachother when I'm around her. It's ridiculous. It's not hard to figure out how I feel about her, either.

I was going to write another paragraph, but I totally forgot what I was going to say. I think I'll get some Honey Comb now.

Oh wait, I remember!

I'm at edge with myself. 2008 is almost over and like 2007 it has been very poor for me, but not as bad. I didn't get hurt multiple time as I did last year, which is a good thing, even though I go back to my Orthapedic on the 17th. I'm not sure if I'm embarrassed at myself or proud, but I did burn a lot of bridges this year. I lost my virginity, but it definitely wasn't for all of the right moral reasons, and now I have to live with it for the rest of my life. It isn't that big of a deal to me as it would be to others, but it's still an issue. The way I went about things, (purposly, too), makes me think it's the reason why people don't talk to my anymore nowadays. I mean, there's a few people that I have decided not to talk to anymore, simply because I have nothing in common with them and they just don't interest me anymore. But like my friend that's hardly talking to me now, I feel like the reason why he isn't is because of the way I acted this summer towards other people. What I did was sadistic, well processed for over 8 months, and would probably be looked down by most, if not all normal people. Though, only one person knows what I truly did, and it's my friend, so that's why I raise questions at myself as to why he isn't talking to me much.

All of this makes me wish I still wrestled, even though racing does the same for me. Wrestling and racing are my physical releases, music is my mental release. They all put me in a zone where nothing else matters. I do race online again after taking the summer off from it, but I haven't wrestled since July, and not fully active since early 2007. And it's kind of wierd how thinks work out. Out out the bluest of moons, a good friend of mine from wrestling, who I haven't spoken to much in a few months, have been talking almost everyday for the last 2 weeks. We're going to chill Saturday night and watch old videos over some (hopefully) take-out.

Now I get to import all 4 Chevelle albums while I get Honey Comb and eat it. Sorry for the long post.

 

11:55, I... .

 

11:55, I'm sorry to hear that dude.

 

Oh I'm really sorry to hear that, Mike. *hug*

 

Glad to hear it, Derek!

Mike: Ugh, I hate how things suck for you. In a way though...I think that Kayla not talking to you as much anymore is almost a blessing in disguise...as much as you like to be with her and talk to her, maybe it's for the best that she's distancing herself, so as not to start something with her boyfriend etc. I just hope that she doesn't push you away completely- because that wouldn't be right. She's still your friend, and she's still a part of your life and she shouldn't just disappear. As for your male friend...I mean, everyone is busy...but there is always time to just text a quick "hey how are ya." You've heard my many a rants about that involving Josh. People just get distracted in their own lives to think out and think of other people. Hopefully he'll come around soon. Even if you don't hear from him as much, I'm sure he still cares about you.

--

So, after Josh deposited the $285 check from my grandmother, which was intended for his car insurance, an automatic payment to Verizon FiOs that was from three months ago took just over $100, leaving him, yet again, short for his payment that was due yesterday. So, to help him as much as I can as a girlfriend, I offered to loan him some money as well to get his car payment done and also to give him some extra cash to do things like, oh, I don't know...EAT. So he picked me up from ballet yesterday and we went over to the bank and I got some money for him, and he was just so...emotional. He hates to accept charity. But he's struggling so bad right now, and I know and understand that. He was talking to me, wondering what he's going to do, how he's going to make it without struggling week to week. He was talking about selling things, like his katana's (sp?) and scrolls from China and he literally started tearing up. He was just like..."I don't know if I can do it." And I felt so lost. I'm used to being the emotionally unstable one and for him to be the pillar-not the other way around. But in a way I was happy for it to be that way so I could feel like the strong one that he needed to depend on for once. After that he asked if he could just spend the night with me last night, and it made me so happy that he sees me and my family as a comfort zone for him. It's such a relief to see him depending on us like that.
But all in all, he's decided to take his mother's offer from several months ago to move back home. It's the only logical thing for him to do right now, besides, he has to move out of the place he's in by January anyway so... I'm just happy that he's really seeing things as serious at this point and realized that he needs to be making smart decisions to keep getting by.

I just hate to see him struggling. But at least things are looking up.

 

Omgosh! I'm so exciteeeeed. Maxime bought us a christmas tree. My first christmas tree ever!

 

How wonderfully sweet

 

thats cool
"oh christmas tree,oh christmas tree"

 

Haha yeah! I'm so excited, I feel like a little kid.

 

How odd. Some time last month we had a med check-up. I got the results back today, with a warning to go see a cardiologist within the next month. Along with that warning was a list of other things that, apparently, are "wrong with me," but which I don't believe at all. Stupid, money-hungry doctors.

 

Cool but isn't it a bit early? And by "a bit" I mean, extremely.

 

It's never too early for Christmas!

 

The tree will be dead by Christmas. You'll have to get a second tree!

 

Ok so just when I get over a girl, after liking her for over a year, I fall for my best friends girlfriend. Fucking great.

 

Omg tonight went amazingly.

I was asked to perform a few songs tonight, for about 100 people at our youth group, and I had to find a vocalist this afternoon.
Despite the fact that it was her first time there, one of my best friends stepped up and sung with me.
So with her singing, me doing vocals/guitar and a random guy doing drums for 2 of the 5 songs, and no practise, we managed to pull it off.
We had people up and clapping and singing along with us, and it was incredible.
Only one song sucked, never try and cover Learn To Fly live and acoustic.
But the others... Slide, the Goo Goo Dolls song, went down amazingly, both her and I (I think) sung it really well, I played it perfectly and the whole place was singing along.

Slide also happens to be the girl I've liked for years favourite song, and she was there tonight, loving it. She hugged and kissed (cheek but yeah) and wouldn't shut up about how good it was.
So a great night

 

Finally.

*sigh* I don't think I should see her again, something about her just captures my attention awkwardly.

 

so my stepdad is a cop. think like $80 an hour or some ridiculous shit like that.

its november 15th now. my stepdad just got surgery on his torn rotator cuff 2 days ago.

they told him he'd be out of work for 4-5 months.

with the economy this bad, this sucks anyways.

now add for dramatic effect:

my 18th birthday in 13 days.
his daughter's 18th birthday in december.
christmas.
and then THEIR WEDDING in MAY.

talk about broke much?

and since i had to quit my desk job at school because of cheerleading, im hoping one of the other offices of the place i work at over the summer will hire me for next semester. wtf people. seriously.

 

I really hate Novembers.

Last night I lost my wallet (which had my debit card, Arsenal football club membership and £30) and got pissed off and kicked a wall full force leaving a hole in it but now I'm in complete agony and if this pain goes on any longer I will actually have to go to the hospital.