Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

so, i'm in quite the pickle, romantically.

there's the girl i've been "seeing" (not officially) for a few months now, who has an almost 1 year old baby, and the father is in bootcamp right now, due to return sometime this month. Oh, and I work with her. And then there's my old ex-girlfriend from 9th grade, who I still like, and never quite got to connect with due to the shortness of the relationship all those years ago.

They both like me, and I like both of them. I can't see it working out with the girl at work, since she's already told me she wants to keep the father in her son's life, which basically means she'd take him back in a heartbeat. Then there's my old ex, who only lives 25 minutes away at college, and we both think we could make it work.

Goddamnit.

 

I finally saw Josh yesterday, after about 2 weeks of not seeing him. He came over for dinner. It was so nice to see him...I missed his face, his smell, his hands...

But I felt like something was different. It could be because he has so much going on, he can't find a job, he can't make payments, and it could partially be because we haven't had sex in like 3 weeks...it's not a necessity, but it certainly helps with stress. Noone will hire him, because noone is hiring due to the economy. Plus he really hurt his back, he could barely walk and I felt so bad for him. I know that he loves me, just by the look of...relief? or just happiness when he saw me and he hugged me. Like one of those moments where you're just like, *sigh of relief and now relax*, or a contentment sort of a thing. I know that he loves me. I just felt there was a difference with something, somehow. I can't even put my finger on it. I'm pretty observant with everything about him...I'm sure it's either nothing or I'll find out in due time.

For now, I'm just happy that I saw my sweetheart. I've missed him more than I could miss anything else. It was kinda like someone stole a little piece of me and when I see him everything is all better. I'm so in love with him. <3

 

@Arlene:

I really wouldn't worry about it too much, dear. It just sounds like he's just really stressed out, which I can totally understand because I've been in the same shoes he's in right now with being hurt, losing your job, and then having a hard time finding another one. It will turn around. The best thing you can do is to be there for him and not get frusterated with how things are.

As for my situation, I had a lot of time to think last night as I ended up being home a lone most of the evening. I like thinking, a lot. My friend had come over but left around 12 or so. But, I duno. I feel like I'm being used in a way, and it all goes back to what you said about maybe she's just using me to fill a void when her boyfriend isn't around. I thought a bit about how could that be, and it made sense when I realized she hangs out with me when he's working. It just so happens that most of the nights that I'm off he's working, so it works out that we can hangout. It puts me down a little bit though, because it kills me that I really don't know what she thinks of me, yaknow? Not in a sense of being with me, but as a person overall. I really don't know why she hangs out with me or even talks to me, and I know if I would ask her I wouldn't really get a straight answer because she's just not good with that kind of stuff, plus I don't need things to be wierd. I'm sure I'll have a talk with her about it one day though, if this stuff keeps up.

I'm probably just putting too much into this whole thing. I should just be glad that she's in my life and should appreciate the amount of time I get to spend with her, but I'm selfish when it comes to this kind of stuff, especially given our past. I always want more. The things that make it harder than what it probably should be is the way she does act around me and how my friends tell me that we should date, because 'it seems like it would just be right, like it's supposed to happen', but there isn't I can do about it.

 

I didn't get to see my boyfriend Friday like I was supposed to. I haven't seen him since June. =(

Also, I've been sick for the past 5 days.

 

Circumstances seem to be pointing towards you gettng back with your ex, if either of them.

 

It is good that you can see it as a good thing, as time that you can spend with her, regardless of the motives. I just wish that she were straight forward with why she's doing it...because everything she does seems like it's pointing more towards relationship/fucking, lol, than just being friends. As we've said, I guess you just gotta wait it out and see what happens.

And thanks about Josh...I feel like there's always something going on with him, but this time it's legit. And it is good to see it from your side...because I remember what a shitty time you were going through, so yeah. <3

 

Wel if he's anything like me like you say he is, then there's always going to be something going on with him, yaknow? Going through the things he is right now probably just make him pissed off at the world. When I was in that situation last year, I felt like less of a man everyday because I could hardly support myself and I couldn't really do much of anything because of my surgeries, and it made me angry with everything, which amde it difficult for people to want to be around me. The ones that understood my situation the most were the ones that stuck around. But when a guy has a woman such as you by his side, then that's the most a guy needs in a tough time.

Hope I made sense.

 

Best of wishes that you'll recover soon!

 

I hate how Maxime and I never have a day off together, and I was so sure that he'd be off next friday together with me which would be too nice cause then it's his birthday, but no, the company decided to take a day off on tuesday so he's obliged to take off monday as well, which means that friday he's still gonna have to work. I can't even remember the last day we had a day off together, or the last time we had sex. It's like we're not living together anymore but next to each other. I hate it so much.

 

That does make sense, and I really appreciate that. As I said before, it's good to see it from a different perspective.

Marj: Ugh, I hear ya on that. It will work out soon...it's frustrating, but eventually it will. I'm in just about the same boat right now. Just gotta know that he loves you.

 

I can't study anymore. *dies*

 

Ugh. Either someone stole my things or I have a really bad memory.


Fuck >.<

 

This week was pretty fantastic. My day was very good. I was uncharacteristically un-shy for a few moments. Towards the end, just before we left, I overheard a waitress remarking that it was 'S's birthday today'. 'S' is one of the waiters my mates and I had been admiring the last time we were there. The Dude wasn't there, unfortunately. We would've had fun chatting with him. Anyway, towards the end, I caught up with S and asked him if it really was his birthday, he said yes. Cue adorable shy smile on both sides. Only mine wasn't adorable. So I congratulated him, and he was totally bashful. I wanted to die Ahn totally chickened out of congratting him too. I'm surprised at myself, actually. We were going to drop by a shisha bar on the way back, but I had to go. Shame. Yesterday was fantabulous, spent the whole day out in the cold, running from exposition to exposition in the Kremlin. Saw a great one from the V&A museum in London (Two Centuries of Fashion). Tomorrow promises to be good, going to the Conservatoire to see the first ever concert given by Repin and Luganskiy together. They're going to be playing Debussy, Rakhmaninov.. The day after I'm going to an expo of german impressionism at the Pushkin State Museum. I'm going to school to rehearse with Niko on Friday, then I'll probably go to tae kwon do. Saturday we're going with Anya and probably Zlata to see 'Quantum of Solace'. Should be fun. Ten more days 'til my braces come out.

I really should get some work done, but I'm having so much fun, and it's really unprecedented fun, at least as far as I can remember.

 

I know I already replied via email Mali-dear, but I'll say again, that's awesome. Now just go back and talk to him again!

And woo no more braces. <3

 

We've already made plans! But we'll have to reserve a table, again, since Sat's a really busy day for HRC. And yes! No more braces! =DDDDDD

 

I miss him.

 

It's hard huh?

Luckily he convinced his work to give him the friday off. I'm so gonna take profit of that! I already bought birthday candles so I'll make a delicious pie and afterwards we're gonna go into Disneyland and then it'll be snugsnug.

 

OH MY FUCKING GOD. I woke up this morning, and I was an 11th grader. Now, because of slacking off a bit, and moving around a ton, I'm in 9th grade. The ONLY person in my family to have to repeat a grade. Fuck. And it's not just one, it's all of high school so far, that I've gotta repeat.

Then, while I was washing my face, I got salicylic (sp?) acid in my eye, which hurts like hell. Then I found out that Michael Crichton, my favorite author of all time, is dead.

Oh, and half of the books I reserved at the library aren't here yet. And there's an intensely attractive asian girl here, and I'm too wimpy to talk to her.

 

It's incredibly unbelieveable how a lot of people show their true colors, full of ignorance, hate, doubt, and racism after Obama has won. This pisses me off, and they are all sore-losing Republicans. I just want to take a piece of cake to every Republican motherfucker out there, eat it in front of them and dance my happy dance in celebration of this election.

 

Good for you, Marj.


IAIN!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I'VE MISSED YOU!