Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

Oh, honey " I guess all you can do is comfort her.

 

Fuck. I think I am in love.

 

welcome to the club

 

@Mali and Arlene: I've been having lots of mood swings as of late, which makes me not such a good person to be around. All of that has made me reclusive, which puts me in this state of mind where I've convinced myself
that I'm a jerk and nobody really likes me; despite being told the contrary by people. It's hard for me to really pinpoint why it's happening, but it makes me feel so shitty.

I'm not sure if any of that makes much sense...

 

I'm seriously hoping these chronic headaches are just that, and not a symptom of something bigger.

 

Tim: I understand what you mean. You just need to know that you AREN'T a bad person or a jerk to be around. Mood swings happen to me too, and you snap at everyone and feel bad, but you just need to get out of that state of mind and know that you're a great guy.

Iain: Same here. I keep getting headaches, recently above my left eye, like just above the eyebrow, and it kinda freaks me out. The last person I know that was getting chronic headaches had tumor (Josh's brother.) Let's just hope it's nothing like that. <3


So, I had a sex dream about my friend last night, and then he turned into Josh. And he was like, "I'm telling your parents that we have sex." Which is all weird. Because they know now. But like, what's my dream self trying to tell me? Is it just becasue I still have cheating thoughts nagging at me, thinking about everything Joe told me? I want to believe it's not true, and Josh seems so honest, and I'm trying to not let it bother me, but the thoughts are just there and I can't help but think them. Even my sleeping mind I'm thinking about it. It almost seems that it would be more healthy for me to not be in this relationship, even if he IS being honest, becasue these thoughts won't go away. But I can't imagine me without him. I can't let him go, I love him.

Edit: Okay, now, cool. I'm already kinda pissed the fuck off because he hasn't called me. I haven't talked to him since Monday. He goes through all this shit to make me believe him and then he stops calling. Then, just now, I asked my friend Rachel to look at his myspace for me because I dont have myspace, and he unfriended her. Sounds stupid and trivial, but it says to me that he's hiding something.

Why am I doing this? I'm fucking pissed off and fucking, argh! I feel like he's not fucking trying and I can't read his fucking mind. *throws things in mind*

 

Mood swings are annoying, you know? I think I'd rather be consistently upset than like that one moment, then happy the next but not knowing how I'll be later. For at least four or five days this week, and a couple the week before, I've felt great while I was out during the day and then I've cried and felt the worst I ever have before going to bed. There's other stuff... hah, I don't normally like to talk about my own problems, when of course I actually have them, but at least it's out there, more or less. I don't want to dwell on it though.

Arlene, Ian:
Tim: If this is a recent thing you really should talk to a doctor. And be honest.

 

Apparently he tried heroin today.


That doesn't make sense to me.

 

*tighthug*

Aisha: I... er... the fuck?

 

Arlene dear, the dreams you're having I wouldn't worry too much about. As long as you don't act on them, which you're too smart to do, then there isn't anything to worry about. Most people "fantasize", per-say, about other people other than their significant other all the time. Look at married couples, haha. It's the same thing, really, so I wouldn't worry about it.

As for Josh, I really don't know what to tell you. But if you want you can call me later on and we can talk about it because I'm really tired and don't wanna sound stupid in the state of mind that I'm in - tired.

 

God I don't need to hear that all their girls in their room unanimously decided that Daniel'd be the perfect guy to date.
Especially not from her...

 

Exactly.


I, am not going to speak to him.


Simple.


That effing idiot. What was he even thinking?

 

You go, girl. Are you sure he's telling the truth?

 

If he is not. Then I will kill him.

Either way what is he trying to do? Break up with me?

 

I just want him to call me...and to have a good reason for not talking to me since Monday...*sigh*

 

Make you worry for him?

 

That's pathetic.

 

Doesn't outrule the possibility.

 

Frigging weird. REALLY.