Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

Thank you, Aisha.

Will: I agree with Dean, love. You're such a great guy, try not to let life get you down.


So, that Nair that you use in the shower is bulllllllllshit. It worked, and I also had an awful allergic reaction to it on my legs. So now basically my whole shin on my right leg is covered in bumps and swollen areas. Bull-freaking-shit. And it doesn't tell you anything to make it better, it just tells you to test it in an inconspicuous area before using. Rar. And I have work today with capris and my leg looks ridiculous. Grr.

 

Everyone really, really needs a hug: .

Arlene, you need both a hug, and some soothing, cool skin cream. *hands you skin cream*

 

I love you

 

Thank you for caring, really.

But honestly, what can I do?

"hey I know you're mad about another guy, and you're on the verge of going out, but I like you, so um, yeah?"

I dunno, the whole scenario just seems useless.

 

I get it, I really do.

Why don't you let her know in a subtle way that you don't want to talk about that guy anymore.

 

Me and you both.

 

Cos I can't help but want to be there for her...

Turns out it's irrelevant, someone just informed me she knows how I feel.
Apparently she feels bad about it, and bad for me.
Meaning she pities me.
Meaning everything, every hug, every one of those smiles she gives me when I catch her eye on the bus or at lunch, everything... It's all pity.

Fuck.
Even my friendship with her, what if all it is is her feeling guilty?

Shit.
I can't deal with this.

And I know, it's trivial, people have far worse problems, but this make me want to do something stupid, I don't know, crash my car, get in a fight, break someone nose, something.

Fuck
not pityt.,... anythingh but that,...

 

Cmon, from what you have said, she really really spends a lot of time with you. That means she cares. She wouldn't spend so much time on you if it was just pity.

It seems bad, I know, but its all just a bunch of insecurities. If she hasn't said anything about it, there is no major reason for you to think that way.

 

now that i'm sober...

nah. my post in the coheed thread was uncalled for. i don't know why i made it. i could use the "i was drunk" excuse but we chastised cale for doing that. so i'm not going to.

anyway, i was just feeling really down last night.

after a party, you know, where i'd been drinking. heavily.

my best friend dropped me off at home and i've got no idea what was said, but i jokingly tossed my guitar (a gift he gave me for my birthday while i was in the hospital after my chest surgery) into my yard. i just stood there for a second and i was like, "what the fuck did i just do?"

i don't know. it was stupid. and all he did was shake his head and tell me to make sure it wasn't broken in two pieces. ugh.

i'm just tired of being single (it's been a year and a couple months now) and i'm tired of being useless. the only constructive thing i've done in the past two months is my band. i'm not signed up for school right now, i don't have a job (and no one will hire me anyway).

it's just stupid.

thanks though. what you said made me feel better. you too, arlene.

 

I hate to think because of her and others i'm now an irritable unfunny asshole. Because experiencing all that crap for so long i just stopped caring. So when I even see a girl that Sounds nice and looks cute. I cant even begin to try and make friends with her. My mind kicks in and says, Yeah..RIGHT, You're not for her.

 

Your mind's not being very wise in such cases, no offense meant.

 

I agree with Nick, i know it;s a bad thing to say but seriously, when you can't get anything and you are never enough for someone, what can you do?? it seriously pisses me of and everytime it gets worse.

I'm gonna try and see what happens with this girl (i'm gonna see her in august, most likely) if nothing happens with this girl, i won't try anything again for a long period of time, i don't get what do girls want.

@Malice, can you say something about what can i do or nick too in this case, about how can we stop feeling this way??

 

^^ What John said, Me and him have talked about this and we feel pretty much the same way.

It's not like I'm being negative, I really DO feel like a huge chunk of self esteem rips away everytime I experience this crap, ALWAYS The friend, NEVER anything more. And I used to brush it off, keep trying my best. But it comes to a point and just bugs the living shit out of me. It makes me Just want to stop trying to be anything more. But obviously I won't just stop completely and say fuck the world, I'm not like that. I know things won't just come to you, and I Know I have my whole life ahead of me. All I'm asking for is something All my friends seem to get for at least a little while, A good healthy relationship, Not some extremely technical story between me and another person. I ask for that at LEAST once during High School.

Plus being Slightly Autistic doesnt help the communicative part.

/rant

whoo, I feel better.

 

Everyone is right. I should do something about it. It kills me.


If only my feelings for him were not on the line. Murshad, why do you FUCK with my head so much?

 

Mehh. I reacted like that mainly because I feel the same way. I've mostly only ever been "the friend", even when I've been "the girl", it wasn't right. And I know, that I (we!) can be more. I guess it takes a nudge or so. I've tried it before, almost got there, but I was taking too long and someone beat me to it. Carpe diem and all that shit. Only I was less with the carpe and more with the procrastination and laid-back vibe. Or perhaps I'm still at that first stage you talked about, the 'brushing it off' one.

Bottom line is that if you don't at least try to catch that wave, you're never going to ride it. Yes, you'll hit your head on those sharp rocks you were trying to avoid, but you'll get pulled over there by the current, anyway. Metaphorically swim parallel to the shoreline and all that shit. Swimming straight over to the beach won't work, because that current? She's a bitch. It's no point - and not healthy! - sitting around and saying "I'll wait", or "it'd never work out, anyway", even though that is the easiest thing to do. Eventually you'll just go stir crazy.

[separate rant] Girls suck. Boys do, too. All people suck. We are not made to understand each other, unfortunately (fortunately?).

Louis and Aisha:

 

Thankyou.

And I do agree.

All da boyz and galz in the world SuckzzzZZzzz.


Except for a few.

 

<333. Yes, except for a few These few can still fail at life occasionally, but they're not the vacuums the others are.

 

Nicely put

 

I might take a tiny break from the internet. I'm so emotionally empty, I sort of have to 'reload'. This morning I was hurting like I have never hurt before, and my chest pains me from all the crying, but now I'm completely empty and we have to start all over again. I'm so tired, so so tired.