Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

There was a girl at the party I was at the other night whom I've basically been in love with since near the end of my senior year of high school which was three years ago now. We were incredibly close to dating and I was supposed to take her to prom and everything. All of it fell through and I ended up dating another girl and after I started dating her, I freaked out on the first girl and tried all I could to make her feel horrible.

Well, at the party, I got mad at a friend and basically just left the party without telling anyone. No one noticed I was gone, and when I came back, she yelled at me for leaving the party. She told me never, ever to do anything like it again, and I apologized to her over and over. Eventually, she told me I didn't have to be sorry to her for anything. I asked her what she meant by "anything," and she told me I knew exactly what she meant, even though I'd apologized to her for freaking out on her years ago.

It was just weird of her to tell me I didn't have to be sorry to her for anything, period. She was actually dropping all sorts of weird hints to me all night she might still have feelings for me. She kept hugging me a lot and, at one point, after I'd screamed at her, she told me she thought I was just kidding, so she gave me a huge hug, kissed me on the cheek and told me it was OK I was mad. When she was fighting with her boyfriend, he kept going on about sending her "back to so-and-so and so-and-so," her previous boyfriends. Then he went, "Oh, how about you go back to—" and he stopped and looked at me, realizing I was there. Then she looked at me, too, and started screaming at him again. It was really, really awkward for him to say something like what he said.

At one point I remember telling a friend I was only making sure she was OK all night and apologizing to her because I was still basically in love with her. I didn't notice her standing less than five feet away from me. She just sort of looked at me and smiled, then went back to screaming at her boyfriend (there's a long story behind why that was going on).

I realize it's never going to happen, but it sure would be nice to hold her hand one more time and have it mean something between us...

 

will, that's like an exact mirror of a situation i've been in for a while.

 

Will: I dunno what to say, hun. Maybe it could work, I mean you guys are older now and more mature. You could always try; that is, if she and her boyfriend aren't together anymore. It seems that maybe if you guys used to almost be together and then you're being pulled back together, maybe you should give it a try. It could end in disappointment, but at least you would know that you tried? It's up to you dear, and either way I wish you the best. I don't understand why you always have such relationship problems, I would go crazy for someone like you if I lived by you. <3

---

Josh really is trying. Although I'm not sure if he fully understands that he has to work harder than he did before, to get us back to where we were, but he has to. Last night he promised me that he'd call me, and it was midnight and I had accepted that he wasn't going to call me and I was cursing him in my mind, and then he called me all cute sleepy. Said he fell asleep several hours ago and jerked awake because he remembered that he forgot to call me and he said he was so sorry and I was kind of a hard ass...I was like, "Yeah...I'm glad you called though because I was cursing you in my head." "I'm really sorry hunnie *yawn*" "At least you acknowledged it." But I couldn't be mad because he just sounded so sweet and sleepy. Like, when people are like asleep and all smily and cute and happy, that's what he was. And the way he said, "I love you, Arlene" kinda made me glow. I could see the smile on his face.

 

i'm seriously sick of my grandmother. it's like she has some attention deficit that means, whenever she's here, she has to give everyone grief, and if anyone challenges her all she has is “shut up” or something to that effect. i'm usually pretty laid back but i think i'm getting close to snapping at her. at best she's sufferable, maybe a little bit frustrating with the way you can't reason with her AT ALL, and at worst she's fucking revolting.

 

Seriously? SOMEBODY CHEER ME UP. NOW.

 

http://looploop.radiantage.com/?id=220

http://looploop.radiantage.com/?id=223

http://looploop.radiantage.com/?id=178


Feel better yet?

No?

Goodness, we need to get you some Emergency-Yaay-ness into you ASAP.

Call the doctor.

 

Err thanks




I really thought he was different. Really did believe that.

 

There are just people who pretend, that Wear their clothes, if you know what I mean.

I r sorry to hear.

 

My best friend's brother died today from leukemia... He was only 20 years old...

R.I.P. Nick

 

I'm sorry!

 

I dunno what this is, but some chest pains, irregular heart beat and inconsistant breathing the past week has me a little concerned. Might be from lack of rest, but I'm not sure.

If I quit posting then you know what happened.

 

Stress? Unconscious hyperventilation?

If I were you I wouldn't worry too much about it, just take enough rest and if there's anything on your mind, try to straighten it out.

 

I really have no idea. Like right now I'm just sitting here and it feels like my insides are burning up. I do work night shift, 12 hours, but I handle that pretty well. I sleep alright, sometimes too long. I don't really feel stressed out, but that is a possibility. I've also been getting some odd headaches as of late, too.

I've never felt like this for so long, ever.

 

It sort of sounds like an anxiety attack. Sometimes I'm getting it as well, what's important is that you calmly control your breathing well, inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth. If it doesn't stop or if it keeps occurring you could go to the doctor, he/she can give you little pills for it, they help really well.

 

Thanks.

 

I've been having this problem lately where I would fall asleep.. and then suddenly would feel like my body is asleep but my mind's awake. Like I would suddenly realize I'm asleep and in a dream, but I can't wake up no matter how hard I try. It freaks me out though because I suddenly realize what's happening to me and I go into somewhat of a shock. I can feel my legs trying to move and can see my surroundings.

I looked it up though and realized I'm not the only one and that it's something called "sleep paralysis". Has anyone else here had this problem? And if so, do you have any tips on how to help this from happening again?

It really scares me and I want it to stop. I was dreaming today when I took a nap and was trying to decide if where I was was a dream or if it was reality. It was the same room I fell asleep in, same bed, same everything. Then suddenly I turned around and there was a weird distorted person (so obviously it was a dream). I freaked out, and tried to wake up, felt my self trying as hard as I could but it took me about minute or two before I finally snapped out of it.

 

Mike hun, are you okay? Text me later or something, I haven't heard from you in forever. I've been thinking about ya.

 

0o0o0

I dunno if I'm alright. This constant heart rate, heavy breathing, everything I explained is always all the time. It never slows down. Plus I have a lot of shaking, too. Everytime I try to eat cereal or something with a spoon/fork I can hardly get it to stay on. The shaking I get feels the same when I get an adrenaline rush, but it can't be that because I'm relaxed. I know it isn't asthma because I've been through that and back again once before. This is definitely very, very different. Feels like my heart is about to jump out, that's how easy I can feel it pounding.

I'm gonna try to go to sleep now though. Hopefully I can and get a good one in, get up at 4 and enjoy my day off. This is the first I've spoken up about it, since it's only been about a week or so since it started. I don't really wanna tell my family or my friends yet because I don't need them getting worked up over nothing, especially my mom.

 

That makes sense...but if it is serious, you need to talk to someone about it. But as Marj said, just try to relax. Text me later hun.

Stop being unhealthy dammit! It's probably from all the crazy things you do, . <3