Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

So, my brother is homeless also asking me if I have, or know anywhere he can go.. I don't. Ahh. Life is a bitch.

 

Have you eaten any raw tomatoes recently? I don't know the exact symptoms, but from what I've heard of that Salmonella Saintpaul thing lately.. it really doesn't sound like fun.

 

11Dollars, dude, go get checked up. Don't wait any longer, if it's that bad, it could be something serious. So please, get checked up.

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Received our certificates today! In the Russian system, the max mark is 5. I got 11 5's, and 6 4's. I'm not a ditz, I'm not a ditz! Boy, am I glad about that.

And then again, maybe.. Anyway. Got into a shit-load of trouble with my TOK professor. Honestly, if somebody had told me, when the courses would be.. Anyway! Bio-camp trip to the White Sea. Muchos mosquitos, muchos fun? I hope so. I don't want to return half-eaten for nothing.

 

Haha, as if you're a ditz. You're actually really intelligent.

Enjoy yourself there, anyway. I'll miss you. It'd be better if you didn't get eaten at all really, haha.

 

Thanks sweetheart <3. I'll miss you, too. You had better leave me loads of messages.

 

I was already planning to, hahaha.

 

Congratulations!

And have fun with those mosquitoes!

 

Nah, the closest thing I've had to any form of tomatoes was these sausages that were damn near burnt, but that was almost a week ago.

I'm feeling a bit better now, but if it gets bad again, the first thing I'm doing is getting to a doctor.

Congratulations, by the way.

Have fun on your trip, and try not to get eaten by the mosquitoes too much.

 

Yay, congrats Mali-dear!


And go have fun, mosquitoes or not.

 

I get back from America and find out that my friends brother who is also a friend of mine is shot:

RIP Sharmaarke Hassan

What the fuck is this place coming to? I didn't even know he was into such dodgey goings on...I feel so sorry for my old friend Mohamed who's lost his brother. Fuck this shit.

 

tomorrow is almost here...
i cant even discribe the way i feel
I get to see him all day for 1 day only out of the week and a half he's here....
as much as i did love him when we were together
i dont want the feelings to come back...

 

I won't see her for 5 days.
And she's with Sean. He'll flirt with her just cos he knows how I feel about her. Man...

 

We haven't been talking too much lately, and I haven't seen him in nearly a month. The only day that I could have seen him this summer, I am banned from going.
I can't take much more of this.

 

I'm so close to looking up this asshole's address, and disconnecting his power for 24 hours, just to see how pissy it makes him. I spent half an hour sleeping because it was so fucking hot in this house... The food in the fridge is spoiled, the ice cream, everything in the freezer is fucking melted... My mom's insulin, which she depends on to fucking survive could quite possibly be useless now... all because this asshole thinks the money we give him for the electric bill is better used to feed his precious fat ass expensive food, and cover him with expensive clothes.

I swear, I will do everything in my power to fuck his life up if anything like this happens again. And I know it will, so I'm preparing.

I've never been this pissed off in my life. NEVER.

 

So just when I thought I was changing for the better, I find out I still "over analyze," I'm "very judgmental" and I "take stupid shit too seriously."

I've got a pretty good idea who left that for me to find, too.

 

Ah don't worry about it Will. You know who you are yourself and if others don't like that, well they can go jump of a cliff. Don't make yourself angry over stuff like that, shit happens, you just have to learn not to pay attention to it. Easier said than done ofcourse. Just have more confidence in yourself and act like yourself, there's nothing else you can do. You can't change people Will, you just can't.

 

I'm not angry about it. I'm just upset about it because I really did think I was changing for the better. I used to be so angry all the time but I'm really not anymore. I do have my periods where I just want to destroy everything, but that's not often at all these days.

What bothers me is that it was left on my Truth Box on MySpace, and you can only leave someone a message on a Truth Box if you've got one of your own. None of my friends have one, so that means someone I barely talk to or don't talk to at all left it for me to find.

And this is me over analyzing: It's either someone bitter over something that happened in the past and they're being a jerk, or my friends really have just learned to tolerate me being an asshole and I haven't changed at all.

I'm literally sick to my stomach thinking about it.

 

Maybe you should just ask your friends for the truth and ask if you've changed, it's the only way to find out. I know how it feels like to over analyze things, I've been doing it over the past few weeks and I think I'm finally done with it. It makes you feel paranoid and dirty and it makes you hate yourself, but you really want to know the truth, right? So just ask for it and don't feel like a whiner when you do, it's the only way you can close this nervous and nauseus making feeling.

 

So, I haven't seen Josh since the 8th of June and I dunno when I'm going to see him next. Basically everyone at the Domino's store that works in the one near the one that Josh manages got fired, so they have to put half the workers in Wappangers and half in Poughkeepsie, which means they have less workers which means that Josh is working basically 24/7. He's opening and closing the store almost every day of the week, and hasn't had a day off since the 8th. He's working himself sick, literally, he had to call in today due to an awful migraine and just exhaustion because he's working so much. It's not fair to him, and selfish, yes, but it's not fair to me. I haven't seen him and I miss him so much. Last time I saw him we had a fight, granted we worked it out, but I just want to see him because that fight made me more emotional about everything. And of course there's something funky going on with the mic in his cell phone, so he can only be on the phone if he has his bluetooth, which he recently found under his couch, and if it stays charged long enough, plus he's at work so he's busy and can barely talk to me and it's just so goddamn frustrating! I only get to see him once a week, 2 days if I'm lucky and it looks like it's not going to even be one for a while. I mean, I do have 4th of July weekend to look forward to, because I'm going with him and his parents to their camp at Lake Ontario but that's over 2 weeks from now. Bullshit if I have to wait around for 2 weeks to see him, especially since I'm out of school and already bored and I only had one free day with nothing to do.

Man, /rant for now, I'm getting myself more frustrated.