Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

What's wrong?

 

I'm just in a sad mood. Maybe due to the weather.

 

To Will:
Sometimes the natural inclination is to stop listening (tune out, period) when someone is offended. Also the experiences someone has with another shapes their opinion of eachother. Simply put, if someone is having a good time with someone else, they will like them. (as long as the body language is correct)

I don't know if this will help, but hopefully it will. Look back at what made you friends in the first place, how you treated eachother (this isn't directly referencing your jokes, I know it's by accident), got to know and supported eachother, what kinds of things you did together (eg. going to the movies, were in the same club, etc.).

 

Fucking hell... Over two years of wasting away over her. This is so fucking endless.

 

@LpHDFan
I don't know, I think there's more to it than that. Half the time when I accidentally insult one of them, the air in the room just ends up being really awkward for a good while before everything seems to fall back to normal again. But there have been times when I've noticed that my two closest friends seem to have more fun when they're around each other than when either of them are around me by themselves. I don't feel like it's because they're "more fun" than I am, because we all do the same exact shit all the time, so I know it's not something like that. It's just really messed up and I wish I could be funny around them without being a jerk half the time, yet I feel as though I just can't do it. It's who I've always been and how I've always been funny, or funny as far as I thought I was. I probably look into it way too much but I just can't help but feel like they'd rather just not have me around half the time, or they ask me to hang out with them as a last resort or because there isn't anything better to do (which was really obvious when all my friends used to hang out and then "forget" to call me).

On another note, my friend told me he doesn't think he's going to make it to the end of the month without breaking up with his girlfriend of almost two years now. I guess they fight all the time and haven't been intimate and she's been asking him to pay for expensive dinners when she knows he's got to save up for a new car and things like that. Apparently he's just been getting more and more annoyed with her lately (which I can say didn't happen with his first girlfriend -- whom I liked a lot more). I thought it was really awkward when he brought it up because -- I mean, honestly, what do you say to that? So I told him I'd always be around if he needed someone to drink a beer with. He seemed to appreciate that at least.

 

I've made a real turnaround in the last week. I've gone from verging on suicidal to feeling the best I have in a long time. There are still one or two niggling problems but they don't bother me right now.

 

That's great Dean. I'm glad your life's turned around.

 

Dean, I'm Dead Glad You're Feeling Better. NO MORE FEELING SUICIDAL. tis lame man.

Edit: Typos are not allowed.

 

My great uncle passed away on 15th May.

 

i need to talk to her before school is over, biggest problem: finals next week and then no more classes until august

and i never see her around when i had class, now with finals is even more difficult to catch someone, when you don't even know when they are "sighs"

at least she said to my friend that having a crush on her was "cute"

 

To Will:
You're right, it's nowhere near as simple as I put it. I really don't want to turn the focus on me, however I think you need to know that there are people in similar situations (I mean that in a good tone). (Go over it with the mouse)

I hate to admit it but when I'm at school and hanging out with my friends I used to (as in a lot more often) try to be funny, like say a lame joke or accidentally offend them. Now what I do is ask questions about them, try to focus on the positive. The air seems to be better and they don't bag me as much about it. They don't invite me to meet their friends and I think I was an afterthought to an invite for a party (to someone I've known since primary school), because there's a name scratched out on the invite. (So sad I know) I think I was also only invited to go to a movie because someone else couldn't go (as far as I know).

I'm not saying I'm unlikeable/likeable or a good/bad person (I try to be good) or anything, just that I wasn't really sure how to have good conversations with people/good experiences. I think for me it's my body language that lets me down, due to stress. I know now how to better my expression so I hope things will get better. I often over analyze everything or dissect something very deeply, worrying - in fact a lot of people do. I hope I've at least indirectly helped you, because I don't know the answers.

I think he would appreciate that, those are the kinds of qualities a good friend would have. It's probably a good thing that he brought it up with you, knowing that you'll listen. And yeah it's hard to know what to say in those kinds of situations. I suppose just let them know that they can talk it over with you, that you'll listen, which is what you did. I hope things get better for you.

 

I really did think that typo was funny. Thanks though, I appreciate it, and Iain. But yeah, I have regular bouts of depression to varying extents so it'll probably be back within a few months. Damn. But yeah, like I said I feel wayyy better than I have for a long time so maybe that'll change this time.

And Aisha, I'm sorry to hear about your great uncle

 

my sister is such a bitch

god i hate her

 

I spent all last night in a freezing cold tent, sharing a pillow, blanket and body warmth with her. 3 others were there too, but none of them were so close like that...
Man too bad I know how she reacts when she knows I still have feelings for her...

 

if i don't see her before college ends, i seriously gonna be depressed for the whole fucking summer.

 

My final exams start on tuesday... I'm sooooooo stressed...

 

FUCK. I pretty much told how how much I liked her via text message. Yay for being drunk.

 

I'm now convinced that life in general hates me. So, I applied for a job, went to the interviews, conformed to the stupid stereotypical way you're suppose to act to get a job, then I got hired. Weee. Sounds like a plan right? NO! It's not a plan at all you see, because soon I have to move away, and I really don't have anywhere that I can go. And you know what? I have to pay for a uniform for work, they give me a hat and a shirt, and tell me that I need special kind of shoes, that I need special kind of pants, that I need a special kind of belt, well I don't have a problem with needing those things, but you know what? I don't have any fucking money to buy them, no money at all, and if I do not have them by tomorrow, well then guess what? I'm fired, that's right, only 3 days after getting hired, I'll be fired because they told me personally that they're a no bullshit place and you have to come to work with what you're suppose to be wearing. To top that off, I haven't even actually started working yet.. I could ask them to take some money out of the check for me to buy the things but that won't work, and it's not that I don't want to do it, I NEED all the money that I can get, as soon as I can get it. And if I do that I won't have Any money, because well let's face it, my first weeks pay for like orientation and training will only be like 30$ and that's not really enough anyway.. Gah, Isn't that just great?

If that doesn't sound bad enough, well.. it is but it's not all the bad-gunky. So, my sister is being suicidal again, for no reason really, just because she has an apartment, she has money, she has food, and she's alone, well it's her own fault she's alone, refusing to go out at all, she doesn't even work because the government pays for her expenses for living.. so, if she refuses to go make any friends because in her words "I don't want any friends, and I don't want any friends my own age" then it's her fault that she's depressed, and it's her fault she's suicidal, and it's her fault that can also cause me to lose my fucking job. See, I have to rely on my dad for transportation right now, and the stupid hospital that she's in is demanding to have some FAMILY MEETING on Monday, the day on which I'm suppose to start work, and you know what time they want them up there? like 9am. It's crazy. I have to be at work before 9am and I have no way to get there, and I have no clothes to wear as a uniform and I have no money to buy any and I have to find a place to live or I'm homeless, I don't know how long I have but I know that it's not long, I've stretched my time already..

So, in conclusion, life hates me. It's a sadistic dog, oh it is.

Still I try to woe not, for it helps none. I just need to let steam out every once and awhile, or else I'd be in a mental hospital and tearing zippers off of shirts to scratch myself with cause that's just how trapped I am right now. And the complete and honest truth is, I have no idea what I'm going to do right now..

 

Jesse, I honestly don't know what to tell you. Can't you borrow some money from your parents? Things will look up eventually, I just hope it's really soon.