Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

I can do nothing else but give you a 100% awesome Tim-hug.

Sorry for the bullshit, Dee.

 

I agree with Tim, I can't really do much, but you know I'll be here if you want to talk. This really is the last thing you need, and I'm sorry for it all.
JustasawesomeDaniel-hug

 

Thank you, guys. It's not really that serious, just in a bitchy mood.

 

Our hugs having healing powers.

 

We're magic, what can I say


On a random note, I can't believe I've never said this, but fucking awesome sig dude, lol.

 

Thanks man. Yours is too.

*Ends thread hijacking*

 

Yeah, I know. You put that really well though so cheers.

 

After last night, I really don't wanna deal with this anymore. I love it how members of my family have portrayed me as mentally fragile, when they're the ones who need drugs just to get through the day. I'm getting sick of it. The anxiety is eating away at me. I can't eat right, I can't sleep worth a shit, and I'm truly at a loss for what to do.

I know this all may seem vague, but I'm just venting and I don't expect anyone
else to care. So if you could give less then a shit, just move along.

 

I care, even after last night. That's how much you mean to me

*last night as in our conversation

 

Yay I learnt Everlong in like 1 try...

 

Thanks man. Its times like this I'm surprised I'm not an alcoholic.

 

My best friend doesn't want me around anymore.

 

Sorry people,but my English is not very good,(I am using a Dictionary on Internet) but I daresay you can read my posts....

 

This is the worst I have felt in a while.

First...this is the first time in ages I actually wish I could have my ex back. I mean, I have missed her tonnes, but usually with the caveat that this is for the best. And while I still do know this is best for me....I want her instead. I was half awake, half asleep and dreaming all night last night about starting to chat to her over MSN again...her saying she was glad to hear from me, and being really friendly. I read an old profile of hers on the site I originally met her. The way she seemed so cheerful. I didn't even really LIKE what she wrote, but just how she wrote it....it reminded me of how we were briefly so happy together. I still love that girl. And I remember once when I was with her, she had mentioned how her ex boyfriend still sometimes wrote in his journal about her and stuff. How he still missed her. And she sounded proud of herself. I can't help but feel if she read this message, she'd just smile, knowing I still care about her this much when she has moved on...has a new boyfriend. It has been almost a year since we broke up...I feel like garbage again. I wonder if I'll ever get over her.

Second I bought a new harddrive with money I got for Christmas, and transfer all my data on it only to have it crash and make me lose over 200GB after I deleted the backup.

Third, I had to tell my friend of mine I really wanted to be *just* friends today. It seems when we talk I keep upsetting and hurting her. It reminds me of how I felt when I had a crush on this girl back in grade 12. I just hate to make someone else feel like that. I can tell she really cares about me...but I can't go anywhere from there. I just don't have that connection to her, but I hate seeing her hurt.

---

School's starting again...I don't know what to do. Something is wrong with me, I don't know, I just feel so pathetic. Pining over some girl I only dated for 4 months and haven't seen in almost a year. I keep wanting to add her to my MSN, but knowing it will only make things worse for me, and inconvenience her. I just feel so alone...but even saying that seems foolish I know an attractive girl that would go on a date with me and just hold me tightly if I gave her half a chance. But I don't have that connection to her and don't want to take advantage of her like that. I have to get through this somehow, but I still can't remember the last time I was really happy since I was with her.

I'm sick of just feeling "okay", and "fine", and "decent"....I want to be "good". I want to be "great".

I want to be happy again.

 

My dad asked me to show him my grades from the past semester. I wouldn't have a problem with that were two of the grades not logged as "SF," as in a "Stopped-attending F." I don't know how to tell him I didn't go to two of my classes for the last month of the semester because I had no motivation to do so and I didn't want to be in them from the beginning. He's going to be so mad at me. I know he is. I hate this. Why did I do this to myself? I can't even blame anyone else.

 

*sigh*

Where do advice givers go for advice?

 

Cheers Derek.