Got Something You Want To Let Out Part 2

I have a problem. It's basically Maxime's problem, but I'm so worried. I know he doesn't like his job, but now it's so worse that every night when we go to sleep he starts to think about the next day and he gets belly cramps and needs to go to the toilet several times, every night. His contract will be finished in 2009, which is still far away. But the moment your work starts to affect your health something needs to happen, right? But he's acting like it'll be alright, and that worries me because a few months ago it wasn't this bad, so how will it go in a few months from now? =/

 

I ended up having to quit my job over the summer because I was getting sick. You should probably talk to him about it and tell him if it keeps happening he's going to have to quit because you don't wanna risk it getting any worse.

 

Yeah I already told him he should talk about it with his floorboss. You see, he doesn't just work for a company, it's part of the state or something so he has the garanty that he'll have a job for the rest of his life, but if he quits his job, he'll lose that garanty. I know that's kind of a big step, but health goes first.



And you better get those 3 B's. I'm sure you can do that.

 

Seize the day, or die regretting the time you lost, it's empty and cold without you here...

 

Jesus...Why do I still regret it? I wish she listened to me in the first place and left him. Why do I still have these feelings of rage whenever I think of him? I told her he would be the death of her. I just wish I didn't mean literally.

 

What i'm about to say may risk my reputation here as a friend to some of you people. But I thought it through and I just need to get this off my chest, like really bad. I've only told a few people this and it's helped me and I think it's time that you all knew something I've held deep inside for awhile.

I really have no self-esteem to do the things I want to do anymore or things that I need to do. It just feels like I go through the same routine every day. I try and go out into the world, but it feels like I can't. I know the consequences and the dangers and the world out there, but I just can't get up and do it. I want to do the things that I love for a living, the things that would make me feel happy, make me feel proud of myself. I look myself in the mirror every morning and I just feel ugly and unattractive. I hate it. I'm so glad i'm alone most of the day, cause it's paradise for me.

When i'm alone some days, I end up dressing in women's clothing. Yes, I said it right. I'm alone so I can just go upstairs in peace and quiet, put on some lingerie (I know), or a dress or a skirt and blouse and feel happy or attractive, you know. I don't know why I do it. I don't do it for a sexual fetish. I just do it as a stress reliever, as a way to make myself feel wanted and not feeling like a fucking pussy half of the time.

For those of you that have read this far, note something. I AM NOT GAY! I still have a thing for the ladies. I still think Kristen Bell is my future wife, yadda yadda yadda. It's just a stress and anxiety reliever for whenever I feel down somedays or whatnot.

I can't believe i'm telling all of you this, but trust me...it makes me feel proud letting you all know, and hopefully you'll think that I'm good enough to be trusted. I know some people may freak out over this. (I may possibly think a couple names). Listen, if you are freaked out, or you want to blast me with anger, or you just have a question about it, you can PM me or IM me. Cause this will be the only time i'll talk about it here.

So...I hope you all understand that it's not really a problem, just a little help in my books.

-Kevin

P.S. I can't stress this enough...THIS DOESN'T GET OUT OF THE LPA! I don't want something bad happening and having my family or someone even closer know about this.

 

You get my respect for putting yourself out there, man. I don't think I'd ever have the guts to tell somebody something like that.

The important thing is you do what makes you happy. If others judge you for that, that's their loss. We all love you here. Nothing will change that.

 

Well, as far as it not leaving the LPA; this is the internet and chances are, someone who feels particularly like being an ass will probably come along, read this, and probably mention it somewhere else.

As far as wearing women's clothes, whatever. I won't (or at least, try my hardest not to) judge you for that. In reality, what you look like on the outside should have no bearing in what people think of you as a person.

 

You're a good guy, Friskey. When you said something about risking your reputation on here in RT, I was worried and didn't know what to think so I didn't say anything. Now that I know what you meant, I am shocked but at least it wasn't something like you have 16 toes and 1 extra nipple, lol. How long has this been going on? I am thinking this might just be a phase and you will soon snap out of that. It's just what I think but I honestly think you need to look in the mirror and take a good look at yourself. If there is something you don't like, perhaps make yourself look better. There are plenty of ways out there to do that. There are things on my body that I don't like and I am taking one step at a time to make my appearance better to feel comfortable in my own skin. It's not easy being a girl, lol. Anyway, I think you just need a good self-esteem booster and what better way to do that then to strive for a better appearance? It's not easy and you may not want to do it but it does pay off, trust me. Most importantly, do not give up on yourself. You are a great person who has been stuck in a rut for sometime. It's time to get out of that rut and start to better yourself! Hop to it!

Also, I'd like to add that admitting this does not change how I view you as a person. That took guts to let out. <3

 

Wait, what? Who?

You gotta come online m'dear..
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Kevin, you are such an amazing person, in my opinion. You're there for me when I need someone, and you're just an all around great guy. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do about yourself, and I hope that you'll pass over this phase. But it really shows that you have guts to just say all of that, I know I wouldn't be able to. I'll admit I'm a bit shocked, but the fact that you were just able to say it shows that you have balls and I can respect you for that. You know I care about you, hun.

 

Aww Kevin

Don't feel bad hun, everyone has their quirks. I am proud of you for admitting your hobby and I am not shocked by anything anymore. To be honest hun, I feel more comfortable in men's clothing, I just act overtly girlish (corsets, etc) to balance it out as well.

I don't think this makes you gay, nor do I think you'd have a fetish for it. It's something you like to do. I like to write poetry about cutting my exboyfriend's head off and keeping it on a shelf (dead honest, I'll email it to you, it's good). Everyone has their odd habit, just not a lot of people admit to it.

Like I said, I'm proud of you and feel a bit closer to you since we have many things in common, and I still love you and think you are one of the greatest people alive right now. Lacy panties or not

 

Kevin, mate, it took balls for you to come out and say that here. Anyone with enough courage to do that is a winner in my books.

I have a theory that the Human Condition itself binds people to actually wanting to be alone. The fact is that we can all be happy when we're out with friends or with our partners etc. but it's essential that we need some time to be completely isolated from anyone and anything. During this time, people let off some steam and unwind in their own ways. The fact is that we all do stuff behind closed doors that certain people might take as wrong or offensive, but the fact of the matter is that it's essential to living itself to have some privacy and what people do in their own privacy is completely and utterly up to them.

 

Kevin, you have my utmost respect for being able to come out and admt that here. You're a great guy, and you've got some real courage man.

I've never really had much self esteem to tell you the truth, so I know what that feels like.

 

Kev, I'm proud of you. You have all my respect to come out and admit that. My judgment of you has changed, but not in a hateful way, cuz that would be wrong. It changed because I see that you're man enough to admit something so personal like that.

 

I think I realized today that I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend (now very close friend). I kinda tried to ignore it, but it's getting harder to do that now. Everyone I've dated I found to be very uninteresting and the relationship didn't last long.

I have always loved him I guess. Yet he's been dating this girl named Kelsey for like two years now.

It'll never work out but.. I don't know why I can't get over him since like.. my freshman year of high school. So I've been in love with him still for almost four years now, and he doesn't know. I try to avoid hanging out with him actually, but now he's asking me why we never hang out anymore and that he wants to see me.

Yeeahh, this sucks. I know no one can probably help me on this, I just wanted to say it somewhere is all.

 

Respect to you Kevin for admitting that.
What you might lack in self esteem you sure make up for in guts.

 

Guys...wow. Like, i'm fucking speechless over the support that you guys have. Still a little skeptical, but I know that there will possibly be a sour apple in the batch. For one, my family. Living in a house with two brothers who basically are frat buddies in college when it comes to doing things compared to a computer nerd who likes to be alone. Telling my family that would not only disown me but I believe that the jokes will never stop.

I'll be nice and answer some of your questions though.

Derek: I don't know why I feel attractive when I do it. Maybe because there are times where I hate who I am and the world I live in. Maybe looking different causes me to act different, you know? Don't know about the "metrosexual" thing. (Just saying it makes me feel all weird, lol) Although I do need to change my look at least a little...maybe its that time.
Andrea: It's not really a phase, per say. I've been doing this for a couple years now. I stopped for awhile because of school and Angie and...you know, actually felt happy during that time frame. When that ended, yeah...went right back into it. I just wish I could stop being such a pessimist instead of an optimist.
Daniel: If you mean the whole thing with "you-know-who", I know everything. I'm pissed, yeah...but I actually learned that I was better off.

I love you all though. Seriously, this may sound wrong, disturbing, corny, god knows what. But you guys are some of the best friends I have ever had. Thank you all for your support. <3333

 

People need to do things to make themselves feel good and you shouldn't have to worry about what other people will think of you. Honestly, you're a great guy and just because you do that, it doesn't change anything about you and I, personally, do not feel any differently towards you than before. You're still the hilarious Heroes-loving, Kristen Bell Obsesser that we've all grown to love