Corrupt A Wish

Granted, but the ice cream is made from explosive dolphin milk.

I wish I had better headphones that will never break.

 

Granted, but the headphones break your ears.

I wish that it was the day after tomorrow.

 

Granted, but the inaccuracy of the disasters of the movie never happen, leaving your mother extremely disappointed.

I wish for the PS Vita.

 

Granted, but you get so into playing the games that you don't notice you are walking into on coming traffic...

I wish my headache would go away.

 

Granted, too bad your head was chopped off.

I wish I had a donut.

 

Granted, but it's stale.

I wish that I had a sandwich.

 

Granted but I ate it!

Wish I can have a raise.

 

Granted, but you have to pay me what extra you will make on your check as payments for your wish.

I wish that I had $10.

 

Granted, here is 10 Zimbabwe dollars.

I wish for moar cowbell.

 

Granted, the Reaper also likes moar cowbell. At least that's the last thing you heard when he came for you.

I wish that I could have some beef jerky.

 

Granted, but it's that cheap shit you get at the dollar store.

I wish I could get some sleep.

 

Granted, but when you wake up you'll find yourself in a bathtub full of ice and a missing kidney.

I wish that would have taken a personal day off of work today.

 

Granted, too bad you can't remember where you worked the following day.

I wish my car was blue.

 

Granted, it shall be painted with blue smurf shit.

I wish that I had some coffee.

 

Granted but its decaf

I wish I was back at home

 

Granted, but it's only for 2 minutes.

I wish that I could have a cheeseburger.

 

Granted, but the cheese is 3 years old. Yum.

I wish it was my birthday today.

 

Granted, but its at my house.

I wish for a umbrella.

 

Granted, but it's not raining and never will rain where you are again

I wish I could go to the bathroom without anybody corrupting that wish