Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Kevin, Jul 24, 2017.

  1. Hybrid

    Hybrid Meow! This cat has claws! LPA Team

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    It's been well documented that grief is not a linear path and it's something we all deal with differently. I still remember the first LP song I heard that day was Papercut on the radio. I didn't put on my Ipod, but rather I wanted to listen to the radio to see what people were saying. I was still in disbelief. Papercut came on and I instantly lost it. Maybe jumping in feet first wasn't the best thing to do, but after I heard the song, I kept going back to more music. Eventually, after a few weeks, I was able to listen and find joy again. (I still get emotional listening at times) I suppose that was my path of grief. Like I said, each person is different and there were points in time there to where I couldn't handle it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there will come a day where you will visit the music like an old friend and it will be there to comfort you. You'll know when you're ready to listen to it. It's not going anywhere and it's always there for you. Take your time.
     
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  2. Xero-G

    Xero-G Linkin Park: Fanbase United

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    Hello everyone, just logged in for the first time in a while, after hearing the new songs from Mike. The last 8 months have been very difficult, an endless series of ups and downs, joy-filled highs and rock-bottom lows. It's still so hard to believe that he is gone for good, and soon after releasing an album that he was very proud of working on. I've gone over the events leading up to his untimely demise again and again in my head, trying to piece together what I understand. Yet, one thing is clear to me: his death still doesn't make much sense at all. His general happiness and demeanor around the release of One More Light suggested a certain contentedness and satisfaction, and there weren't any immediate telltale signs of severe depression, at least not publicly. Despite the controversy surrounding the album, Chester strongly appeared to be beaming with pride, as several of the songs were deeply personal for him. Perhaps his public persona was too convincing for the vast majority of us, and the severe depression that he grappled with was far deeper than we could have ever imagined.

    I hope to one day have full closure of his passing. Never had I imagined that this would actually happen, despite the dark, depressing lyrics that often permeated Linkin Park's songs. I was fully convinced that Chester channeled his depression and grief through the songs, using them as an outlet, so that he would no longer feel the way he described himself in those songs. I truly thought that he put most of his difficult past behind him, and was well on his way to a significant recovery.

    Mike is absolutely right, as nothing makes sense anymore.
     
  3. YoMarques

    YoMarques Linkin Park Soldier. LPUer.

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    Thank you so much. I'm sorry about how it went when you found out. If I revisit that day and how it went for me, I completely lose it still. Each of us has a different story about it, and it's still so hard to remember. But I'm glad you can find joy again when listening to the songs. Thank you for those last words, it means a lot :')
     
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  4. Hybrid

    Hybrid Meow! This cat has claws! LPA Team

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    Hugs. You're welcome. It's quite true though. It's not a race and you're not alone in this. :)
     
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  5. YoMarques

    YoMarques Linkin Park Soldier. LPUer.

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    Thank you, forever grateful for all of you :)
     
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  6. about2break

    about2break Well-Known Member

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    I probably shouldn't dwell on this. It's just still sad. I guess in time though, I'll be able to listen to it again without bawling. I guess we should make Chester proud, like Mike, and push forward. Crossing the line??!! Right? (the new song) I'm feeling very "poetic" right now, not even sure how much sense I'm making. If you got me, then super! :D If not, then nevermind. ;)
     
  7. about2break

    about2break Well-Known Member

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    So yeah, the new songs, eh?? "Crossing the line".

    Edit: "Crossing A line" my bad!

    Folks, I'm a little overwhelmed in thoughts and struggled to breathe from this bad bout of allergy season. I think I'll come back and try to catch up on this thread. I might need some support too,...that's why I'm struggling to write all of this stuff and make sense. I'll probably check back in here tomorrow and be like, "what did i just write??!!" lol
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2018
  8. about2break

    about2break Well-Known Member

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    Just catching up. I guess it's not to be totally expected that a newbie member to this forum need keep up with everything, but I really appreciate this thread and wanted to share my condolences and sympathies over your grieving.

    To YoMarques,
    i agree with the others who say we grieve at our own pace and that you have to take care of yourself first. I know it can be frustrating when you feel like you want to show more support, but trust me, it's understandable to step back. I think others, like myself, tend to resubmerge quicker to push through the process, but that doesn't mean I don't fall back again sometimes. I think it shows something that you've come to this forum, to this thread and have spoken up. That's the first step to healing...and I share that piece of insight with xero-g too.

    Xero-g,
    Welcome back. It's a bittersweet time right now with the new music and stuff. Clearly there is much good in this, but I can understand folks being surprised or others not ready to move on so fast. It's not really moving on, it's more putting a positive slant (I say this cautiously). It's just, it's good that something can be done now. Action, as I said before, is a good first step. I have Mike and all the other members of LP in my heart that they can stay in this positive mindset. It's clearly not easy, just look to the lyrics, but they are pushing forward, for themselves first but good role models bringing their fans along with them. You talk about it not making sense, that's the bittersweetness. Ideally we'd want Chester here in this process too, but I think he'd be smiling down on his buddy Mike right now, impressed with his courage.
     
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  9. minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Just watching a live video of "Blackout" at the moment, and it occurred to me that I never got to hear that song performed at the shows I went to.

    I had a friend who was going to the Melbourne ATS show right after the date that I attended, and I told her that they didn't play "Blackout", which really disappointed her. Then, at that Melb show, the gave that song its live debut along with "Burning In The Skies".
     
  10. Lotus

    Lotus Death by panda cuteness LPA VIP

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    I wish so badly that I had gone to see them live during the ATS cycle! I would've loved to see songs like Blackout, WTCFM and Wretches and Kings performed live.

    Now I'll never get to :(
     
  11. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Last month was my breaking point. I let AltWire go, I let LPA go (or my piece of it rather) and damn near walked away from it all. I just couldn't take it anymore. Any 'ups' or positive feelings that I had felt from the October trip to Los Angeles, CA started unraveling from November onwards, and from about the beginning of this year to a few weeks back, I had been on a downward spiral. I gained weight, stopped sleeping well, started looking tired/not as well kept as I usually am, and fell apart mentally and physically. I went through a bad heartbreak and even though it shouldn’t have affected me the way it did...it damn near destroyed me. My depression started to sneak back and it became the strongest since my father’s death and I completely lost my will to live. Work became a burden to me and I spent most of my time at my work desk being irritable and completely miserable. I began wanting death and feeling the ugly part of my brain wrongly fantasize about the escape that would bring. I thought about how I’ve had five major deaths in my family in three years and in contemplating the pain that brings, I seriously began to wonder what was the point of it all. I just didn’t want to be here anymore.

    Early April I fell into a 72 hour period of severe depression. On the end of the third day my emotions boiled into an argument with a best friend, that would become my breaking point and eventually a full on mental breakdown. I can only be grateful that i found strength in that point and rather than do something stupid, began to realize I can’t keep feeling like this anymore. I was tired of fighting the same old demons day in and day out and conspired to be better. Two weeks ago I picked up the phone and reached out to a therapist I used when my father died. I’ll be going to my first appointment of these new sessions very soon.

    I’m realizing there’s more than one way out of this, and I’m picking the route that leads to getting help. Not just for me. But for my family. For my dad. For Chester...to make him proud.
     
  12. Lotus

    Lotus Death by panda cuteness LPA VIP

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    I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, Derek. But I'm proud of you for sharing your story and picking up the phone and reaching out to someone. I hope your appointment with your therapist goes well and that you'll start feeling a bit better soon.
     
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  13. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Thank you. Really it means a lot.

    It wasn't easy. The 'heartbreak' in question involved having someone who I relied on (and perhaps unintentionally used as a comfort blanket when my dad passed) changing completely as a person and no longer being available in the ways I had grown accustomed to the last two years. Worse, is that I saw it coming for months before it actually happened but kept telling myself it would pass and that things would go back to normal. They never did, and in reality it got way worse. Then other friends began to act flaky around the same time. I grew obsessed that somehow all of this was my fault, began picking myself apart and finding flaws and things about myself that people perhaps didn't like. It drove me practically mad, and I feel that one person changing on me brought out some bad insecurities I already had to the forefront. I'm not saying it's all their fault, but they didn't help.

    You know what I realized though? Some people just grow apart and change.

    Realizing that has given me the ammo to move forward. I can't force people to stay in my life, any more than I can force them to be the way I want. So instead I should focus on being the best 'me' I can be.
     
  14. Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

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    I read both of your stories twice so I don’t miss anything and I’m sorry you’ve been going through all this, it isn’t pleasant and easy but admitting to yourself you have a problem and asking for help is already a huge step forward. I’m sure you’ll get better with the help of a professional, even one baby step is a big thing and eventually there’ll be more and more big steps.
    Unfortunately, we can’t keep people in our lives and as much as they mean to us we change as we grow up and they do too so somewhere along the way we grow apart. That doesn’t mean we can’t appreciate the time we spent together because as we get to know someone we also learn from that person, about ourselves, other people and how the world works.
    I hope you’ll feel better soon and by recognizing the signs to ask for help you’re making Chester proud.
     
  15. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Thanks. It’s just tough sometimes because I still greatly miss the person I grew distant with. And we do still talk occasionally (with this person usually writing first), but it’s beyond obvious that things have changed. We used to have phone calls every single day, and then it stopped. They know it too. When I try to talk to them about it they state that they're aware things have sucked, but that this is what they need right now. That it has zero of anything to do with me. So clearly, assuming this person isn't being completely full of it and coming up with excuses (and of course there's a decent chance they are), they're struggling with something they don't want me to be a part of...and that kind of exclusion feels just as terrible. Because we used to be best friends and would call eachother first if anything bad happened.
     
  16. Dekar

    Dekar Wow LPA VIP

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    You are right, even if it's really hard to remind yourself of it at the deepest points. You are choosing the right way, it will be worth it. :)
     
  17. YoMarques

    YoMarques Linkin Park Soldier. LPUer.

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    The last couple of weeks have been incredibly hard for me, and I saw myself reaching a breaking point as well. With my mind screaming for help, crying because of not knowing how to change things, I found myself coming to this thread once again, and I just read your posts and what happened to you. My heart breaks for you and I am so sorry about everything that has happened, but I am also thankful you have shared all of this with us. Thankful you reached out for help, and I hope you know how by sharing your story, you are also helping others who are going through similar feelings right now, like me :') I hope things are better for you right now, Derek. <3
     
  18. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    I've been doing better than where I was a month ago, and I thank you for asking. One thing I found that has helped me over these last couple of months, is getting rid of toxic people and/or relationships. Whether you realize it or not, sometimes there are people within your life who really don’t deserve the honor of being within your inner circle or being considered your friend. The sad truth is that most people are inherently selfish and will ultimately chose to put their best interests ahead of your feelings. Or they’ll only exist in your life when they have a “need” and then discard you when you’ve served your purpose.

    Give yourself an opportunity to really think hard and recognize your self worth by trimming your group of friends a little bit. Consider who “fans your flames” and makes you burn brighter, and be gone with the people who seem to throw water on the fire that burns within you. Lose the people who always come to you with their problems and never make themselves available when you need to discuss your own.

    I’m a phenomenal person and I never allowed myself to see that before because I kept shitty second rate loser “friends” in my life who disrespected me and made me feel second fiddle all the time. Removing people who made me feel that way allowed me to realize what I needed to see all along. If you haven’t done that yet...maybe you should.
     
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  19. YoMarques

    YoMarques Linkin Park Soldier. LPUer.

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    Thank you so much for your advice. It's hard when you truly care about others, but then they're not there for you as you are for them. But you're absolutely right, the love and effort we put into the relationships with these "friends" will be better used on ourselves, because we truly gotta love and take care of ourselves first.
    Glad to hear you're doing better right now. I hope it keeps going that way, because you're a phenomenal person indeed :) <3
     
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