I was on imdb page and went to go look at something on Chesters page and and next to their pic they put where they were born, birthday and death if they have passed. It was really weird seeing the death date for him. My brain doesn't want to comprehend it.
Seeing a death date just makes it so real. It seems as though people have acknowledged and accepted it and moved on in my mind which I am having a hard time doing.
Me too ... It's like I can push the fact away till I read something bout it. It's still so hard and when I see funny interviews, see him laughing it's just so strange that he's not here anymore. He feels so alive then.
Exactly, when I'm not online or watch interviews and live performances the fact he's not here anymore is still present somewhere at the back of my mind but I'm not fully aware of it. I have to remind myself it's over. When I open fb and see pictures then it hits me hard. I just wish I could accept it, this is torture because when I thought I finally accepted it, the next day proves me wrong. Whenever sth bad happened before I became creative meaning I write stories or escape into fantasy world of favourite tv shows and binge watch them. This time I feel it's time to write again but don't want to escape to fantasy world of tv because that's not healthy and it takes longer to overcome bad things.
If we feel like this, i can't bear the thoughts of what Talinda, his kids, mike and the gang are going through. *sigh*
^^ What Lynn said. You never quite fully 'come to terms' with a sudden loss like this, but in time you understand that the past cannot be changed and from that learn to 'live' with the grief. You never quite move on from it, or totally forget about it (and you shouldn't ) but you adapt to life without that person, and life re-emerges from the rubble. Sadly, with it being a suicide it'll probably take a very long time to reach that point. Because a death like this leaves many questions that can never truly be answered.
When it comes to sudden deaths the worst are "could I have done sth" questions. How could I not see it? Were there any signs? Why didn't I talk him out of suicide/going somewhere? Why didn't I go with him if it is a car accident or, in this case, returning home early? You feel like somebody stole that person from you and I don't think you can overcome it without visiting a psychologist because guilt stays with you for a very long time. I hope they are alright now as much as they can be.
That's how it has been with my grandfather that passed. I have learned to live with the pain that he is gone but sometimes when I lay down to go to bed I will get flashbacks to the night I found him dead and just start crying. You have bad and good days. That's how it will be for them.
Agreed. Like I had mentioned earlier, months ago I found my grandpa dead and that has made the grieving process extra hard if that makes sense. In the back of my head I always have the memories of that night lingering in my head. It's been a rough few months adapting but I am but I always have that traumatic memory and I don't think it will ever go away. Same with my friend, when she was a kid her mom committed suicide and still to this day it's hard on her even though she's married now with kids.
That's how I felt after finding my grandfather....the 911 dispatcher had me doing cpr on him and knew he was gone...paramedics came and said he had been dead for hours so I was beating myself up mentally thinking if I had checked on him earlier maybe I could have saved him but then learned he passed from prostate cancer so there is nothing i could have done and thats hard to digest. I have been seeing a grieving therapist. Might be a good idea for them to see one when they are ready. It took me a few months before I could see one.
Chester, if you can read this or hear my thoughts, please make sure that today -- my birthday -- goes off without a hitch. Thanks and rock in peace!
I'm sorry to hear about your granddad and I'm happy you're seeing someone to help you overcome your grief. The most important thing is to try to convince your mind there was nothing yoh could've done and that you tried your best even though he was gone before you started cpr. It would be worse for you if you didn't so you really tried everything. Cancer is a terrible disease that takes away the human side of a person but unfortunately there was nothing you could've done to prevent it, don't beat yourself up. My uncle died of cancer last year and my mum still wonders why he got it and I can see how much she suffers, please don't do it to yourself. I understand the horrible images you're having because I was the one who followed my uncle's body from the hospital to the morgue and it was one of the worst experiences ever, that stays with you but we should trick our minds into thinking good things about our loved ones, when those thoughts appear say stop and make it think about sth else. It's very hard and takes time but we can do it.
Thank you and sorry about your uncle. That is one of the reasons we moved out of the home that we lived in with him because his room was near the kitchen so anytime I saw his room it would make me think of finding him or even just the hallway was hard to walk in because I watched them take his body out in a body bag. The first two days I wouldn't go downstairs and I barely ate. I needed to get out of that home to help me heal. I can't heal if I am around where it happend. Even though the move was rough, I am glad to be out of there and trying to start fresh. Not being around where it happend is helping the healing process. It's different for everyone. I am doing my best...good and bad days.
I don't think I've realized, until now, how much this band means to me and is a part of my life. Since he's died, I've listened to nothing but Linkin Park. It's crazy, because now when I listen to them it's not like he's dead. It's just crazy.