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Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by arT saveS, Dec 30, 2005.

  1. #1
    arT saveS

    arT saveS Y2K

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    Here I am
    Lying on the bottom
    Naked and crying
    Scared and suffering
    God save me
    Save your little child

    Will you sedate me, so that I can no longer feel the pains of this life
    The cold winds and waters that I fade away and drown in
    Will you calm me, so that I do not give in to the voice of death
    And let this overwhelming misery consume me

    Here I am
    Calling to you again
    Naked and fearful
    Father save me

    Here I am
    Lying naked on the bottom
    Looking up into your cold cruel eyes
    As I call to you
    As I speak to you
    All I hear is silence

    I can feel the pain tearing through…
    Biting on the inside…
    I can hear the voices screaming…
    Threatening…
    I’ll bury myself below…
    And cough up the blood I’m drowning in

    Lying on the bottom
    Pouring out blood and…
    I’m lost inside my head
     
  2. #2
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    I liked it, though it wasn't as moving as some of your other work. The repeating of the one verse but changing it slightly each time worked well, but it also left me feeling their wasn't enough in this poem.
    Still, a good job over all. Hope to see you entering the poetry competition this time.
     

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