My First Song

This is my first shot at writing. I've never tried writing lyrics before now. I don't like what I wrote too much but I thought I would post it because I want to know what you guys think of my first attempt. I just finished writing it. It took me about 10 minutes. Please be honest with your critisism/comments.

I'm not sure about the title yet, but I think I'll call it "beautiful"


I look in your eyes tonight
You look so beautiful
But my eyes fail to see
that inside your broken and miserable
All the shit you have endured
Why couldn't it be me
You look so beautiful
But I fail to see

Your broken soul
Your wounded heart
The scars you keep hidden
In the dark

I wish I could go back in time
Save your soul for the price of mine
Maybe if I pray to God tonight
He will set everything right

I look in your eyes tonight
You look back at me and smile
But I know inside
You are in denial
I hope that my love
Will mend the wounds inside
I hope that in my love
You'll find a place to hide
All the shit you have endured
Why couldn't it be me
You look so beautiful
But I fail to see

Your broken soul
Your wounded heart
The scars you keep hidden
In the dark


I wish I could go back in time
Save your soul for the price of mine
Maybe if I pray to God tonight
He will set everything right

Please God
Give her another chance
Please God
Do not make her pain last

All the shit you have endured
Why couldn't it be me
You look so beautiful
But I fail to see




I don't know shit about writing lyrics, so sorry if this was complete crap and a waste of your time, but please let me know what you think. Thanks

 

It wasn't crap at all, by god that was pretty awsome for your first attempt at writing, i think you could have potential. There was only the odd spot where you lost flow, otherwise it flowed really well, for a first shot at writing this was amazing, i would recomend you read some more writings from around here and then write some more, and keep writing, well done.

 

Thanks for being honest D_A_V_I_D. I'll take you're advice and keep on writing.

 

i totally agree with david!

for your very first attempt, this is amazing! my first attempt was sooo bad compared to this.

hell, you better keep writing cause there is some great potential there!

i am sooo looking forward to your next write!

 

Its really good but with a little more input it could be even better

Great work

 

Thanks a lot you guys. My girlfriend/best friend just broke up with me yesterday, so expect more song lyrics about depression, suicide, lies, losing the friendship from someone you love, how love is BS, and other depressing and dark topics.

Please, you guys, don't ask out you're best friend unless you plan on fucking up your life.

 

dude,i've had a close tot that experience.Last night infact

The world sucks sometimes



nice write by the way