I know... that's true.... I have to just prepare myself for the end of everything... I can't believe that my karma would have this in the cards for me... to be betrayed by the one person I had really come to love and trust completely... it is a sick, sick joke I tell you. I have been nothing but honorable, trustworthy, serving; a wonderful lover, friend, and mate... I don't deserve this kind of treatment. I don't want to be the main woman, I want to be the only woman!
Holiday: So you know for a fact that your boyfriend fucked someone else and you're still willing to fight to have him back?! WHY? You need to have some respect for yourself hon...he is not worth your time. As I've said, I've been through this bullshit, only thing is that I wasn't certain that my ex was fucking other people, but there was sufficient evidence. And I broke it off, as in love with him as I was. Even if that dumb hoe of another girl "disappears" will you honestly ever trust him again? There's a good chance that you won't. And you're gonna be trapped in a relationship that you aren't happy in. You really can find someone who will respect and love you, unlike your current boyfriend. I don't care if he says he loves you- if you love someone, you don't fuck someone else. Sarah: How scary I'm glad she's okay
@Holiday. I agree with Arlene. Thats alot of bullshit. I mean as much as you want to forget about it, you won't. That lack of trust will always be there. I think its best to move on. Thats the path to heartbreak if I've ever seen one @Sarah. Wow that's aweful. Glad your baby is ok. Keep us updated
You two are are right... I am just so sad... and I dont' trust him anymore... he doesn't understand how much he fucked everything up! He destroyed me...my trust... my integrity... Its horrible, because he is one of the few people that actually knew my brother before he killed himself... He was helping me through the grief process..and that shut down when he left and fucked her. He cut so many ties with me! My support was just gone all of a sudden... I don't know why I just didn't end it then and there! ...I guess I just wasn't strong enough.. I've felt so weak the last few years, grieving and everything.... But I'm getting stronger and more confident all the time! ...I feel like a fucking ******* because I have this diamond ring on my finger! It's like it doesn't mean anything! And he has the audacity to tell me he was thinking about buying me a bigger ring! He's the king of mixed messages! You know what... it's really like there are two distinct personalities... One that is completely devoted to me and loves me completely. Even feels my pain and reads my mind! And the other one doesn't give a fuck about my feelings and wants to go off and have "fun" without me! Damn Gemini... . You know what is ridiculous? He says that it "sexually charged him up for me" that he feels his connection with me was "made stronger" b/c when he came home he had "never been so happy to be back in my arms" He must really be some fucking talker! I feel sick... So much love is still there... it is the trust that isn't anymore. I haven't been able to trust him this whole year! ever since it happened... It kills me inside and I'm still dealing with it? wtf?!? *cuts ties* ...I had never felt so loved and so beautiful as I did with him... I had never thought I could feel that good... but one thing I've learned in my life,whatever ups and downs you have, they are going to equal out. You have a great ride to the top and you're going to crash back down to the bottom at any moment. I think that's why some people just don't do anything in their lives, so they don't have to deal with that! ...You know... he says I'm immature. That me being upset about this betrayal (as I call it) is childish because our love is deeper than that. pfft what the fuck ever! He's being immature! He's the one that can't be happy with what he's got, he's got to sabotage it for himself! He was so worried about everything falling apart but he's putting the goddamned TNT between us and lighting the fuse! If he ever grows up, it would take a fucking decade of solid devotion for me to get me back to near where I was with him... He fucked up so bad... ...Right now he owes me all kinds of things... I think I'm going to be his friend and try to get back some of what I put into us. Unfortunately, this is not going to be a quick process... It will take a lot of finesse for me not to be stuck high and dry in $3k of debt. I really got myself in a fucked up position. ....... At least now I know what I need to be doing! Thanks for all of the advice, everybody. It helped me and allowed me to see what needs to be done! As sad as it is... it is time for things to change!
Thanks. He and I, our four year anniversary is in two months almost exactly, so I would hope that I know him well enough... I am making myself ok with not being lovers. Maybe we can still be friends as long as I don't let him hurt me again. I can trust him like a friend, just not as a fiance.... Diamonds don't change that.
Speaking of staying strong! How do I get rid of the jealous feelings associated with him and everything? Just keep cutting ties until I don't feel it anymore?
I find it best to keep your distance from that person for awhile. give yourself a chance to heal and move on
Distance.... Distance.... That's what caused everything in the first place and is the only real option now... Romance and Love are the weirdest things to ever have to deal with!
Jealousy: Count blessings + Be thankful for what you are/better. Association: Associate every negative thing, and kinda make it relate back to him. I'm proud of you going on and trying to make good of it all.
Not unless you want to deal with heartache stemming from the connection that is still there. Play at your own risk.
Holiday: Wow, he sounds like a clone of my ex. The perfect, romantic, sweet talker, who tells you that you are everything in his world, and when you're together it's great. But then he goes off with someone else. About staying friends, I would advise against that. I tried it. It doesn't work. And you will fall back into his beautiful lies and be taken advantage of once again. The sex toy thing also doesn't work, haha. I'm glad that you're cutting ties though. It's the only thing that you can do to be happy. And you will find someone else, no doubt about it.
haha, yeah.... I know you guys are right!... It's just the first time I've ever had to deal with this crap... *sigh*
I really hate people who throw everything back in your face. It's not my fault that you ranaway twice, it's not my fault you accused your brother of rape when he didn't it's not my fault you're a 14 year old fucking crack whore who got punched in the face at school by another chick who you slept with her boyfriend with. I know who you fucking are I'm not stupid like you who has slept with more guys than me in my lifetime and you're fucking 14!. I don't care if you end up on the side of Kings Cross, barefooted and pregnant, you fucking deserve it for your tongue, Missy. Oh wait, you think that handling a baby is a breeze it must be because you said it was, wow, so why do I have no social life, suddenly? BECAUSE I MADE THE MISTAKE AND NOW I PAY FOR IT (I do love Mia a lot as well). Why do I get up at all the times of the morning? Because a baby cries! But I don't have to use contraception BECAUSE I'M CRYSTAL CLEARY! I don't know who the father is BECAUSE I'M CRYSTAL CLEARY! I don't have to stop drinking while pregnant BECAUSE I'M CRYSTAL C---- *electrifys self* *headbangs* Man I hate incompetitant people.
^Incompetent. Whoever this 14 year old, who cares? She's just a 14 year old. I mean, what the heck? you'd be better off letting her do her own thing, and as she ignores you, becomes reminded that you + everyone else is right.
The End.... Or The Beginning? So... I don't have the ring anymore.... I am officially single.... It feels really weird not having it there anymore! I have this groove in my finger. and it feels like it's still there when I'm not looking... Apparently. the ring did not represent what I thought it meant. I told him that I don't want to wear something like that if it wasn't a real promise. He said we'd give it a while being separate... and if everything works out and we come back together he'll get me a real ring. One giant rock which is really an engagement ring, with no other motives but to join each other together. .... I'm not holding my breath. But we each have some growing to do before anything like that could even be thought about again. What a crazy day! I'm totally drained...