Got Something You Want To Let Out?

hwat are they suspects of?

 

I felt shit this morning. So, for the first time in 7 years, i prayed. I got somewhat phsyicaly better, but my spirts were serverely raised. I felt so calm, and collected, and was completely at peace with myself. I felt a way i have never felt before. Even when i prayed as a child. Today my faith in religion was restored. A part of that was thanks to her, but i honestly felt.. different.. after i did it. in a really good way.

 

Thats good.

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I fell on my ass today. I fell off a flat bed truck while unloading barrels of potatoes. I miss placed my foot to far over the edge and when i went to catch the weight of the barrel while dumping it, I went for a ride. I fell down, brought down a bunch of empties on top of me, including the half empty one i was trying to unload. I also knocked over a bunch of pallets. So i was in a big mess of stuff when it was all said and done, plus i hurt a butt cheek. It sucked.

Also, i backed into a bulk truck with the flat bed, because i didnt have any brakes when i hit the pedal. so i felt like an idiot, cuz im the best driver there, and i go an hit a truck. Not the most wonderful day.

 

wow...I must say I hardly ever see something like this on a forum.

So I'll try to contribute my stuff I want to say...euhm...I self-sabotage myself my friends say that I'm affraid to be acctually happy. But In my own stuborn way I tell myself this is to test the foundations in matter of speak...

I consider myself a shadow most of the time...I mean in this way people see me but dont bother to really get to know me. A m8(he is very popular) of mine once asked a girl what the difference was between him and me because he couldnt get it either, the girl said that from my m8 came a bundle of positive energie that made him more accessible to people espeically girls and well she said about came a more negative soruce of energie...they noticed me but well, it was way more energie like "Dont fuck with me,or I'll rip you apart" kind of energie...so damn I'm Evil . But it dont see it that way, I consider myself a big huggable teddybear with severe emtional issues ^^.

...euhm what else...I dunno

*hugs all*

 

I feel like I'm on a sick emotional roller coaster, and it's slowly slipping down into a depression. I never thought I could get this bad emotionally over a girl.

I keep seeing her, and all of the sudden I'm so happy to see her, then when she's gone, I feel like that happiness is just totally sucked out of me. That peaked today, when I hugged her for the first time since like...I dunno, 8th grade? It was just one of those little friendly hugs everyone does, but that moment felt so great to me, like I could be at peace with my feelings for her. I wanted to just stand there and hold onto her forever. Then, when she walked away, I gazed at her for a moment, then had an extreme feeling of letdown. For anyone who's read The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, you could compare me to Romeo when he's in love with Rosaline. We started reading that in class, and I thought, "God...this is me...". While I have gotten used to the fact that I can't have her, I feel pathetic living my life on a thread attached to her. If she goes too far away or I don't see her, I just snap into a depressed state. It's affecting my school work, too. I sometimes spend entire classes writing about her, thinking about her, or just sitting in a daze.

Not only do I rarely talk to or even see her, when I try to talk to her, it's just "Hi Matt", and she keeps walking. I don't think I've ever talked to her more than a minute without following her while she goes somewhere. The other day I decided to try something out. I walked by her about 3 or 4 times over a span of maybe 10 minutes, and she never once said a word to me. So then, I saw her, and when I waved, I pulled the "card out of thin air" trick (I'm really into street magic), and she turned away before I snapped the card out. So you know, the whole thing takes maybe 3 seconds. She wouldn't even spare me that.

I think now that I'm in love with her, and it doesn't seem fair. I'm such a small dot on her radar, so negligable, I hate it. I hate it so much. I care so much about her, and I'm just that kid she knows from junior high. This destroys my view of love. Love is not the joy and happiness we see. Love is depression, self-hatred, and an unfillable emptiness for most of us. Some more than others, as you can tell from me.

I am in love, I am miserable.

 

While I was in the hospital recovering from my surgery, a slew of my friends got together and decided to drink.

Three of them (whom we'll call One, Two and Three) decided to leave the house while drunk, unbeknownst to everyone else.

Four, Five, Six and Seven were still in the living room, while Eight and Nine were upstairs, getting their groove on (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

One, Two and Three came back with laptops and projectors that they'd stolen from the nearby high school (literally; it's, like, thirty seconds away, tops).

They gave Four and Five each a laptop, and told Eight about it when he came downstairs. Six (my girlfriend) didn't take one, and Seven didn't take one either. Nine (Eight's girlfriend) was too drunk to know what was going on.

So, after One, Two and Three told One's brother how he stole laptops, One's brother (Ten) and his friend (Eleven) decided to steal more. This was done.

However, Ten and Eleven wanted to go back and get more laptops about a week ago. They did, and Eleven told his dad about it. His dad, being the responsible adult he is, called the police.

The police had been investigating this for months (seeing as how this happened at the beginning of July) so they knew that Eleven's dad was on to something.

Therefore, Ten and Eleven were arrested, followed by Two and Three. Later, Five was arrested, and One, Four and Eight were called home from college. Upon arrival, they were arrested.

Now, Eight was released on charges of "Failure to Report a Crime." He's probably just going to be fined, seeing as how no one was "seriously injured" during this whole charade.

However, Two, Three, Ten and Eleven are being charged with more serious crimes (the actual stealing) and they're probably going to go to jail.

One, Four, Five and Eight are being charged with "Receiving Stolen Property." There's a good chance they'll just be fined, but they can face jailtime.

I really hope that wasn't at all confusing.

 

idk how to aproach hot girls this is so fucking stupid, i'm tired of being alone i need a damn girlfriend, and i miss my dad (he died when i was 9) why the fuck out of all people my dad had to be the one to die, this sucks i miss him so much
i'm 20 btw, i'm not really that shy but idk it's weird

I like this girl i saw 1 time in college, i only seen her 1 time and i want to know more about her but i don;'t know how i don't even know her fucking name or when does she takes her classes or the days


i writed this blog (on myspace) when i saw her:

"On monday i went to my 2nd class as always i was there like (10mins earlier) so i sat on the floor because people were still taking a class in my classroom.

When i sat there the first thing i saw was this AMAZING GOOD looking girl sitting in front of me, we were face to face but with a little distance so i was looking at her and she was also looking at me idk why, well i began to look the other way but she kept looking (idk what was it because there wasn't anything on my side, just me and a door) lol oh and the color of our clothes were similar maybe that was she was looking at, well then my class began so i entered my classroom and took the class.

end of story.

Oh did i mention she had an awesome smile? lol"

oh yeah and i;m tired of loving and not getting a shit un return everyime i ended up liking a girl is always the same stuff, she doesn't want me like i want them. Love is a tragedy it's not any good

 

I must agree with you on that... but after the depression its full denial. Thats what it is with me though...

 

love sucks period

 

I am very angry about the stupid murderous actions that people are taking in schools. This is happening almost daily now and it is completely appalling and pathetic.

 

Nah it doesnt, we just think it is right now...It's all an illusion or maybe the good thing about Love is thé illusion.

Well It's just how you want to see it...I say dont give up on her, become a huge dot on her radar...be there for her * I know this hurts * and so maybe you can become a huge part in her life I'm just saying stuff here...

..or you can give up on her and try to move on but love as I know it...doesnt grant freedom, it only lets go when it wants to.

...I'm just rambling...but Love doesnt stink its just tormenting pain when your not loved back the same way.

 

Well, I think you're right. I almost gave up on her once, but I couldn't seem to let go. I'm just going to be myself and be the best friend I can to her.

Thanks a lot for helping.

 

my sister is such a lazy asshole, damn sometimes i get so pissed off because of her, she doesn't do anything, and she complains just because she has to drive my mom to my grandpa's which is like 15mins from our home, she's such an asshole

 

Damn, I just found out my friends sister was raped last night...fuck that.

 

hmm...so thats what its like...she'll ask me if i still love her and i dont know what to say...i mean she broke it up in the first place why does she want me back of all times now, when im beginning my real work and stuff...god...and whats worse somedays she just hates me like everything is really my fault for the relationship failing and stuff...and more on other days when she just ignores me completely like we dont know each other....its so weird i dont know what to feel...

 

Well I would confront her with it, dude your human you got emotions she doesnt has to threat you that way. You go dude ^^

...and tell her in the same way as the Immrotal Jules Winnfield *Bitch be cool* no jk about this part though but still its seems you should confront her with it. Just my 2 million...

 

Now this realllly sucks.
I hate my birthdays. At least since last year it has sucked so bad. Today I can’t wear whatever I want, Can’t say what I want. I was woken up at 4:00 to clean up the table and to be screamed at. I hate this about our family. The only thing my mother cares about is my cousin’s marriage and this other guy’s marriage which is in winter. GOD!

Let’s see what happens, but I know this birthday will suck a lot. AGAIN.

 

Aw, love

Hellflame, that's dreadful, I hope things will go all right for her from now on.

 

I'm sorry but I'm hating my mom right now.

 

I treat my grandfather in an unfair matter. He's been through so much. Sometimes i should just think and not do some of the shit i do.