Please comment ---------------------------------------------------------------- You were there to keep me warm: This has been the coldest night since the day I was born I guess I would've welcomed death, if you hadn't been there to keep me warm Where I should've felt your chest, I felt your heart Where I could've kissed your lips, I kissed your soul I was counting breaths instead of minutes, until we had to part Even if it was just for a moment, we were inseperable, we were whole. I've listened to your favorite song a thousand times Even if I say it just isn't my kind of style It just proves how much I enjoyed your touch that night I could die happily now, I would leave without putting up a fight I remember the coldest night since I was born Yes, I remember it well I imagine the coldest night since I was born hoping that once again, you'd be there to keep me warm
Really good. My only complaint would be that the last line of your two 4-line stanzas seems a little long and disrupts what I found flowed well. Other than that, I really liked it great job.
Any suggestions for that specific line? maybe leaving out the "I would"? Thank you both very much for the positive feedback