Please leave a comment: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You can always create, what you can't control: Sleep now child, don't make a sound, lay your head to rest Even with your aching heart, bleeding in your chest Try to look on past your wounds, up into the sky Wipe away the tears you've cried and look into her eyes Show her you are not afraid of what is sure to come You've cast aside the angst from which you've been trying to run No more hiding under the covers of your bed You're done keeping all this pain locked inside your head You have turned your back on me Forced me to my knees! You have turned your back on me You're just a fading effigy! You have turned your back on me Forced me to my knees! You have turned your back on me But I'm back up on my feet! Standing your ground, you swallow the lump, clogging your throat Taking deep breaths and speaking last words, before you let go All the pain and suffering, you've left with your past Creator and creation finally split paths You have turned your back on me Forced me to my knees! You have turned your back on me You're just a fading effigy! You have turned your back on me Forced me to my knees! You have turned your back on me But I'm back up on my feet!
I think it looks good. However, the 'your' that is supposed to be 'you're' in the chorus kind of bothers me. I'm not sure why, but whenever I see something like that it really annoys me. And, for me, the fact that I can picture LP singing it takes away from it's originality. I really liked that other piece I commented on because it was different and unexpected from you.
Ooookay...so like...WTF!? This is what happens when you proofread lyrics ONCE at about 3 am and don't bother reading them afterwards: You're >>> your It's edited now...thank you for comments...and one question...how is this like anything LP has ever written?...just out of curiosity...
Wow, nice poem! I think this is likely the best piece you've written, it stands head and shoulders above the rest in my eyes. It sounds more poetic, less like a Nu Metal song or something. Now, if I am interpreting it right, I like what it is about too. A person who lives their life devoted to their God but upon dying realizes He isn't there, and there is no heaven for them to ascend to. Tell me if I got the right meaning lol. Great piece EDIT: And you put me in your signature! lol. Awesome. EDIT 2: I personally see this as far different from any of LPs material, and definitely completely different from anything pre-Minutes to Midnight. I was even thinking when reading it "This is good, he isn't writing something like he wants to follow in LPs footsteps this time". I don't know what these other people are talking about .
You nailed the meaning...I had someone read this, and they said they could see it being about a mother and her child. It's basically the same but I was still aiming for what you said. And yah...I put you in my sig