I've wanted to write this song since last May, and I finally wrote it today... [verse] i am sitting around, wasting my life/ i am a f*cking clown, you laugh at me/ i try to mend all of my mistakes/ i try to pretend that i am sleeping awake/ [chorus] this is what makes me want to die/ this is what breaks me down inside/ i don't belong here, i already know this/ i'm living in fear, my feelings show this/ [verse 2] i am slipping away, i'm falling apart/ i am beginning to fade, alone in the dark/ so i take one last breath, hold on for everything/ i take one last step, i won't die now for anything/ [chorus] this is what makes me want to die/ this is what breaks me down inside/ i don't belong here, i already know this/ i'm living in fear, my feelings show this/ this is what makes me take a stand/ this is what wakes me at the end/ i don't belong here, i already know this/ i'm living in fear, my feelings show this/ [bridge] i am one of my own i created myself i design my path i am a nightmare to man hate me for what i am [chorus] this is what makes me want to die/ this is what breaks me down inside/ i don't belong here, i already know this/ i'm living in fear, my feelings show this/ this is what makes me take a stand/ this is what wakes me at the end/ i don't belong here, i already know this/ i'm living in fear, my feelings show this/
Pretty kewl. I like the parallelism in the beginning of your verses and in the chorus. The only thing I can think of that could make it possibly better would be adding more emotive words so the reader gets an even better sense of how you feel.
That is awesome, I really love it and well done.. But what I really want to know is when will I see that special one you wrote?
the next time I talk to you I'll try to have it, but your never on when I am anymore. [/b][/quote] I'm hardly ever on, and when I am, your not... Can't you just email it.... PLEASE?? My emails in my profile if you don't know anything
john has a special one :wth: show me son, show me! [/b][/quote] it's on my old comp., i tried to get it the other day but my old one was ####### up and i couldn't get to it :'(