Everyone knows this situation: Girfriend breaks up >>> maybe she did something terribly wrong >>> you're absolutely crushed >>> people tell you she just wasn't worth it. Wrong! Let me paint you a picture: My girfriend broke up with me friday of last week...we lasted 15 months. We had ups and downs, consisting of having sex for the very first time with one another (actually with anyone for that matter), laughs, closeness, tenderness, intimacy, romance,her sleeping with another boy, constant lying, her kissing other men and finally breaking up with me for the 3 and final time, telling me, that she needed time for herself, and that she loved no-one else but me, just to end up with some other guy five days after she broke up with me. I was crushed. I was a total wreck. I couldn't stop crying. So many memories just won't let me forget her. And just now...I was outside, smoking a cig...one of the many habbits I've started with because of her. And I noticed: Why does this hurt so much? Why am I so afraid of letting go? It's because I'm afraid of being a part of her life no more. I wanted to be an influence, so that she would always remember me. And while smoking my cigarette, it went ''click!''. I AM a part of her life! I was for the past 15 months, and I always will be. everytime she thinks about me, even if she forgets my name. For all I care, she can remember me as "That first guy I fucked". I'll still be a part of her day, when she does think about me. I don't need recognition for being a part of her life and possibly changing how she feels about some things, or even for changing her views on her own life. I know I did and that alone is enough for me to say: "Why be sad? I've changed her life just like she changed mine." I'll even step out on a limb and say: Saying "Chris, cheer up! She just wasn't worth it!" is somewhat juvenile. She was worth it! The pain she put me through...the tears, the sweat, everything we poured into this relationship has built who I am at this moment...along with everything else, that has happened to me up 'til now. The poems I have written. The drawings I have made...it all came from the experience this relationship has brought with it. I am even grateful for her getting me to smoke. If I hadn't stepped outside to take a smoke, it probably would've taken me so much longer to realise what I just have. So...was she worth it? She was. And I was glad that she was the biggest part of me up until now. And I am glad to say: The pain may not completely go away, after all that has happened. But neither will she. Opinions?
It's always worth it because you learn a lot about who you are and how strong you are emotionally. For the first few months after my second girlfriend and I broke up, any time I heard her name was a total buzz kill, no matter what I was doing. Now I barely ever think about her. It's hard to get over it because a huge part of your life is gone, but once you realize there's no going back, things will start picking up again.
@Chris(tmas): I guess so...It really helps me hold on to more positive feelings, when I know that things like this actually build your character. @Ross: Wow...I never thought I'd here something like that from you...you've always kind of been someone I've looked up to. You always make a really smart impression and stand your ground, when other people don't agree with your opinion. Not only as a person, even as a poet, you've inspired me many times. @Will: What can I say...I think the main problem is: No matter how hard it is to deal with some stuff, you always know "I'll get over it in time." It's kinda contradicting and hard to accept at times, but it actually paid off, to keep telling myself: "This is gonna work...you just need to get to the bottom of whatever's eating your heart out..." I never expected it to happen this fast though....
I'm going to say something here that I usually wouldn't go out of my way to admit publicly. I'm a very private person; and when it comes to sharing my feelings with someone, none the less all of LPA I really prefer more to stay private, than make a public spectacle about myself or my life. However, in this case I will make an exception. You see 'Seinfeld', relationships (no matter how heartbreaking the ending) are always worth whatever effort you put into them because of the lessons and changes that happen to you once everything is said and done. While I regret the way things turned out with my last relationship; I do not feel as if the relationship "was not worth it", nor do I regret any of the good things that happened over the period of time I actually was in that relationship. I learned a lot of things from the time I was with her (as well as in the months following the breakup), and these lessons are things I will carry with me for the rest of my life because they impacted me greatly. I've learned to be a more confident person and how to respect myself, as well as that trust is an important thing; because the best thing to remember is that the person you are dating is NOT your past, and thus should be given the benefit of the doubt, until they give you a legit reason not to trust them. I can't even begin to imagine the possible implications that might happen as a result of me opening up just now (for obvious reasons), but you know what? I'm not ashamed to admit I enjoyed my last relationship. There were many high points and good experiences that I'll always hold dear to myself, and if someone was to come up to me today and ask if I felt (considering the breakup) if all I gave was worth it? I would tell them yes. I walked out of the relationship a more confident, wiser and better person, and if she can say she accomplished the same, then whatever the two of us went through was worth it in the long run. I guess my point is, don't live in regret man. I personally am tired of sitting around questioning my choices all the time, when every good or bad choice you make always has a silver lining and consequence connected to it down the line. It's best to look back at things with a smile, and that's what I'm doing here and applauding you for doing as well. Your last relationship, and my last relationship were worth it...and nobody can ever sit there and try to tell us different.
Did you learn something that you didn't know? Are you more wise now, more experienced ? If so, it was worth it. My second girl friend broke up with me two and a half years ago, it was awful. But it was worth it in the end.
Thank you Derek. It means a lot to me, that you took your time to open up and tell me about your experience. Now I just KNOW I'm on to something that will help me...and not just now, but even in relationships to come. @ImInYourDreams: Even if I haven't learned anything new...even if I am no wiser than I was before. If this relationship helped me realise what I did in my first post, then I feel it was worth it. (Although I do feel wiser and more mature )
No matter how much you might feel right now like you've wasted your time with her...in reality you are wiser and more mature than you were before the relationship started; because she helped you realize things about yourself, that you wouldn't have been able to see had things not worked out the way they did. What you are experiencing is about the same as what happened with me. I lost a lover and a long time best friend (hardest thing I've had to deal with in a long time...in many ways I'm still trying to 'deal'), but through this difficult and trying experience I've brought about changes to myself that I don't think are just a natural product of getting older. Sure people naturally just change and adapt to life as time goes on, but with me I feel many of the improvements and adjustments I made were a direct result of what happened to me, and my attempts to prevent it from happening so easily again with someone else. It's not to say I won't fall in and out of love again. Most people don't find their "one" until they've dated for many years, and sadly I've started late so I still have a few more 'true relationships' to come across before I finally find and settle down with the girl I'd love to marry. Right about now you might be like I felt, and feel as if this is the end and that you'll never want to love again, but sooner or later...hope will shine through and you'll realize that as difficult as it is at first, you can begin to move on, and you CAN find somebody new...all it takes is time. I'm always here if you need someone to vent to. Remember, I'm no love expert, but I've gone through my fair share of heartbreak in the past few years to know that as low as things may get sometimes, there is always a silver lining. Just remember that.
Thanks Chris. I get the feeling a lot of this forums finds me annoying but it is good to see I am not all around hated . I did just wish to note though, don't stay in bad relationships just for the experience, use this experience so you know when to get out of a bad relationship.
Impossible! There can be only one chris! And yeah I agree with esaul17 (for once ). Use what you've learned from this breakup, to know when future bad relationships have gone too far. Don't stay with someone just for the experience if you don't love them anymore, or know you two won't go anywhere.
Okay. since this IS my thread, I am the only Chris. And yeah...I guess I've had enough hurting for a while now. I'm probably not going to get into anything serious for a loooong time now...just don't think I can. I'm glad though...finally have more time for school and for my friends.