Unfurnished Feelings I'm sick of trying, trying is just too hard Every time I try it's a struggle, and when I struggle I feel barred Trying leads to nothing, and nothing is supposed to lead to all When is my chance going to come, and when will I be able to do something other than fall Time and time again the same results ensue There have been many times back to back where I felt I never knew what to do Lost perhaps, in a world of confusion, frustration, and wrath When I’m told what to do I end up succeeding, but when I go my own way I never take the right path I know I can never achieve perfection, and miles away from it is which I am I’m constantly ripping away at myself, and the final words in which I speak always seem similar to Damn I'm tired of it, perhaps its fate that I’m always wrong I could end this poem now, but I give up, I’ll do it later on…..
Read it and critisize my writing to the highest degree... I'd sure take it into consideration Don't be to harsh
Average. Not too bad, just a little awkward at parts, like you were revolving the sentence around an effort to reach a predetermined rhyming word. The worst of this was the sentence that ended in Damn.I have done this many times and know it usually leads to a rather generic and awkward song. I'm not saying that it is bad, I like the message and can relate to it. Especially when you say you can do what your told but not do something by yourself. Lastly I can't seem to get any beat out of it. Overall great concept you just have to work on the package a little more. 6/10
Yeah, I understand what your getting at. I did get kinda lazy on the Damn part, but i'll take it into consideration. thanks