this thread is my collaborative of pieces that i have composed. i hope you enjoy them. i intend to update this frequently so stay tuned. and please excuse any typos. edit of you wish and please give feedback and suggestions. this first one i post has no title, yet. A war fades away in my head I see a picture painted somewhere Its there on the back of my eyelids Its there whenever I close my eyes A time when all we do is look at ourselves Is a time when we should've said "We're better of dead" Not a tear could be shed Years go by as we drive The headlights watch us grow If I had two lives I would watch the people who watched me die If clouds were always gray I'm sure god would give us gives to stop ourselves.....stop ourselves from committing suicide Heartbroken souls give us grief In knee deep depression making us give forsaken confession A forest full of a timely admiration locked inside the mind of humanity Pine needles....or just evergreen needyness Stairways of blissful meaning, missleading they are Signs of scars prensent bars of compressed dilapidation This feeling I can't stand Fires burn even after we put them out Silver lining from a banshee's shout coats the edges of our fingers Boats tip over because we want more out of the water All it does is make us thirsty....by thirty we drink everything but that. Some of us watch Some of us do something about it If we ever figure out what life means I hope I'm the last to know.
Nice job, some lines seemed a bit too long and messed with the flow a bit, but overall it was quite good. Your writing style i like but this piece seemed to be a bit everywhere, keep writing, you have potential, keep it up. B)
i think you have great vision and that can make a person into a great writer. however, you have to be more focused in a subject matter to make it more readable. power storming is great for getting ideas down but by concentrating on a few, you can develop these ideas into wonderful pieces of poetry. keep writing cause you vision is good and i am looking forward to seeing more from you.
thank you fallenangel and David for commenting on my piece. here is another i have called "Pictures in a Broken Frame" i look for answers in a dusty box called memory all i see is the past that haunted me the dark place i pleaded for mercy in is gone screams from my home go on and on colors from a source i know isn't the sky turn to rust it gets hard to live when there is no one to trust it feels like planets collided when you loose yourself when everything is dead you don't wanna be anybody else emotions to a person that is invisible won't be heard not even a syllable from my mouth will make a word all the thoughts in my head are pictures in a broken frame they were meant to be but never given a name
now that was fantasitic! much more focused and that made it a really, really great piece of writing! you are obviously very talented and i am looking forward to more (soon, hopefully!)
now that was fantasitic! much more focused and that made it a really, really great piece of writing! you are obviously very talented and i am looking forward to more (soon, hopefully!)
I agree, this is much better, really great and the last half, especially the last two lines were just amazing. I see alot of potential, KEEP WRITING.