I make this real, I make this quick. I make it as though, I made it myself. This love I abandoned, This love I destroyed. This love I took for granted, This love I once knew. In my heart, once was pleasant, In my heart, now is a storm. In my heart, I slowly sink, In my heart, there is nothing. I left it, alone long ago, I left it, without a doubt. I left it, without regret, I left it, now with sorrow. Once I was happy, Once I was gleeful. Once I had something to hold on to, Once I had a soul. Deprived you of anything in sight, Deprived you of everything. Deprived you in the dark of night, Deprived you in my heart. All alone I stand my ground, All alone I take this guilt. All alone I take it tall and not proud, All alone I smother myself with nightmares. So take me by the neck and arms, So take me by the noose. So take me again to the horror of lands, So take me, so I never see another day.
I don't like how this one was written very much. The repetetive first lines cam off as boring to me, and, if a poem is made like this I find it should at least have a rhyme scheme. Not trying to be cruel, just my opinion.
um...i wouldn't critisize it much. i found it a worthy attempt to try and play with words, and it isn't an easy job trying to repeat them. you tried your best and it showed.