"This Punctuation-Related Injury"

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Will, Nov 16, 2007.

  1. #1
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    This is a song I'd written almost two years ago that I felt was one of my more creative pieces, so I felt the need to repost it here so people could let me know what they thought about it.

    "This Punctuation-Related Injury Could've Been Prevented if I Had Writer's Block"
    19 January 2006

    She said that I'm ridiculous
    She said she meant it in a good way

    I guess it's true

    I'm trying to get this right
    'Cause I'm ridiculous like that

    I try to search for the right things to say
    But I trip over the formatting
    And all the symbols pierce my skin
    Causing a punctuation-related injury

    The doctors said they didn't know what to do
    When I stumbled into the emergency room
    Dangling my participles
    And holding onto the right words

    They directed me down the hallway
    And I ended up in a Dr. Seuss book
    Filled with ridiculous rhymes
    That made me feel like I was on acid

    Maybe that's what she meant
    When she said I was ridiculous
    Maybe I'm a Dr. Seuss book
    Childish and cute
    And not a person someone would want

    The exclamation point
    At the end of her voice
    Stabbed me in the eye
    And I couldn't see for days

    This movie could be the way we live our lives
    If we really wanted to
    But we've got to take that first step
    And kill Mike Meyers for playing the Cat in the Hat
    And Shrek
    Though unreleated
    And pretend that the mystical
    Fantasy world that Dr. Seuss created is real life
    And that real life is just as happy

    She's always on my mind
    Which is more than I can say
    For the red fish and blue fish
    That are consulting with each other right now
    Trying to determine what to do with my
    Question mark-induced injury

    Because all I've done is ask questions
    And not even to the person
    They should be directed to

    I've held conversations with myself
    And those run-on sentences
    Can take a toll on one's sanity after a while

    She said that I'm ridiculous
    She said she meant it in a good way
    Maybe it's true
    Since I'm just trying to get this right
    'Cause I'm ridiculous like that

    Yeah, 'cause I'm ridiculous like that
     
  2. #2
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

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    I loved the idea. A few parts seemed kind of odd (I didn't like the reference to Dr. Seuss or Mike Meyers, but that is just personal preference I think).

    I thought the concept was amazing though.

    I really liked the part with the exclamation point.
     
  3. #3
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Thanks. :lol: I've got no idea what the Mike Meyers thing was all about. The Dr. Seuss reference was always intended for the piece, though.

    I think. :lol:
     
  4. #4
    Arlene

    Arlene Oh what tangled webs we weave LPA Super Member

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    I really enjoyed this piece. It took some thought, which I like. I also really like the exclamation point thing, what an interesting mental image...Good job, hun. ^_^
     
  5. #5
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Thanks, hun. :)
     
  6. #6
    Radish

    Radish Guest




    This is a fantastic piece.

    These lines were great, and really enjoyable to read for me:

    The doctors said they didn't know what to do
    When I stumbled into the emergency room
    Dangling my participles
    And holding onto the right words

    They directed me down the hallway
    And I ended up in a Dr. Seuss book
    Filled with ridiculous rhymes
    That made me feel like I was on acid

    Maybe that's what she meant
    When she said I was ridiculous
    Maybe I'm a Dr. Seuss book
    Childish and cute
    And not a person someone would want

    The exclamation point
    At the end of her voice
    Stabbed me in the eye
    And I couldn't see for days



    The only thing I didn't understand was the stab at Mike Myers. Seemed funny, but strange.

    Wonderful work. :)
     
  7. #7
    Will

    Will LPA Addicted VIP LPA Addicted VIP

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    Yeah. Like I said, I don't understand that either. :lol: I guess I didn't like Mike Myers when I wrote this.

    Anyways, thanks for the comment. :)
     

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