The Truth About Us You know I want to - Go sit by that pond Rest under the trees - Stare in your eyes And I just can't help but to - scream it out in the air Bite my tongue - tell the world The boat has set sail on - a quiet day muddy waters - are far in the distance There's a fire burning - through the ocean a whole in my heart - I swim to comfort And you know I want to - kiss you under moonlight tell the whole world - that I've found salvation The truth about us
I don't know about everyone else, but I get all exicted when I see you've got a new poem. I like the repetitiveness in this, you're sticking to the subject closely and that's a sign of a poet who knows what they are talking about, but don't get me wrong, repetitiveness can be also a negative thing at times (not in this case though). The whole poem is confrontational to me (which is a positive way) because you're directing the poem at the audience, as though you're speaking to the audience and the use of the inclusive noun 'us' at the just ended the poem really well. Overrall? I give it 4/5. Cos I would've liked to see that little bit more of the poem. Ok, rant over.
You're right in being as the poem is kind of repetitive. In more ways than one actually. You're actually suppose to read it more than once, since this poem is really two poems about the same subject and the same words. Which is why it's so short. Thank you for your comment and your input. I really appreciate it.