The sun we walk to.

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Theazninvasion68, Mar 28, 2008.

  1. #1
    Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    I know it's a really odd thing for me to write out of my usual ( Humans against their emotions or whatever )but usually not a love kind of poem.

    So here I go, what your thoughts on it?


    The sun we walk to.
    ------------------

    Walk around delightfully, theres no time to dilly-dally.
    These people seem so craftily.
    Maybe I'm just missing someone?

    Walk to the shore, starting a brand new day.
    These people seem just so animated.
    Maybe I'm just missing someone?

    Walking across the ocean, these people sleep in coach.
    These people seem so Catatonic
    Maybe I'm just missing someone?

    Walking Across the new shore, The start of a new day, it'll never be the same ~ again.
    These Sunrise seem so embracing.
    Maybe I'm just missing someone?

    Walking across the field, The flowers bloom, and vibrantly in my bouquet.
    These Daisy's seems like the Sun's Joy.
    Maybe people think I'm missing someone?

    Walking to the porch, the door knocks, knocks, paticently waiting.
    These hours the Sun makes take so much to be longing.
    Maybe people think I'm just lost?

    Walking away, these Daisy's left nearby on the door.
    These stares across the ocean
    Maybe I've just never been the same?

    Walking away, the shoreline appears from eye-distance.
    These sad faces, they'll never be the same again.
    Maybe I'm just going Crazy.

    Walking to the shore, My Daisy walks to me from the ocean~
    As we stare across at each other.
    Maybe, I've just been missing you.
     
  2. #2
    The Emptiness Machine

    The Emptiness Machine Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    I really enjoyed these lyrics. I think you did a great job, the only criticism I can give is that you used "Maybe I'm just missing someone?" too many times, not that that's really criticism but an opinion.

    9/10
     

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