The Open Wound

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Matt, Jan 17, 2007.

  1. #1
    Matt

    Matt Official Ghost of the LPA LPA Super Member

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    This is just a rough draft, critique welcome.

    Can we continue what we never started?
    These thoughts collapse and I'm alone again
    We differ in so many ways but
    I still feel like I've known you for so long
    We're separated by this wall of
    Plagues that make us turn away
    And even though you're not immune to it
    I still feel that I should let you know

    I never left this place of silence
    It's in my mind how it's so hard to find yourself
    We'll never know how it's so controlling
    Why is this who you choose to be?

    How can you forget the ones who loved you?
    Hiding among perfect plastic toys
    I'd like to tear out my eyes to see
    How pathetic I've come to be

    I never left this place of silence
    It's in my mind how it's so hard to find yourself
    We'll never know how it's so controlling
    Who is this that's controlling you?

    This isn't who you are
    Do you remember when
    We helped you heal those scars?
    Now you've reopened them
    I've waited for so long
    But you're so lifeless now
    I want to love you but
    I can't remember how

    Do you even want this now?

    I never left this place of silence
    It's in my mind how it's so hard to find yourself
    We'll never know how it's so controlling
    Why is this who you choose to be?

    I never found that place of solace
    It's in my mind how it's so hard to find yourself
    We'll never know how it's so controlling
    Who is this that's controlling you?

    It's taking over you
    So let me fade away
     
  2. #2
    lpeinstein

    lpeinstein Active Member

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    I really like the lyrics.

    These two lines I really enjoy:

    "We differ in so many ways but
    I still feel like I've known you for so long"

    "I want to love you but
    I can't remember how"

    In situations like the lines describe it seems that confusion and denial are rampant. These lines seem to describe that.

    The only line I felt was a little long winded:

    "It's in my mind how it's so hard to find yourself"
    For being in the chorus section, it seem a bit long compared to the other lines. I believe it is a good set of words, maybe just break them into two lines or shorten them up a bit.

    Other than that nice work.
     
  3. #3
    Matt

    Matt Official Ghost of the LPA LPA Super Member

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    Thanks for actually saying something other than just "I like it".

    As for the odd line, I had thought up a long-short syllable thing with it, so with the music, it really does match up with the rest.
     

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