This is a piece that I started writing a week or so ago, which basically kept growing. I then found myself with 11 stanza's with more ideas in my head for where it's gonna go. Essentially, it could go on forever but for now I decided I'd get some ideas of what people think of the first 11 parts of it. Each verse is a different "part." So yeah, let me know what you think, or if you have any ideas of where the story could go and you're willing to share them. Hopefully you'll be interested in this and taking part, even if it's a long read to begin with. "The Life And Love Of Us" I like your scent, your dress sense, your accent, The way that your speech level decreases with each breath, Your screaming and wheezing after each drag of your cigarette, And the fact that you said you'd quit but still hold a 20 deck, Alcohol and nicotine, rose wine and L and B, Yet still you find yourself studying towards your history degree, So smile and flash your perfect teeth, I'd tear out your heart if it made you belong to me, Only to case it in acrylic and gold, Mahogany base and writing in cursive chrome, I've only just spent enough time with you to miss you, But I lather you with silent side glances and repute, Though if I mouthed these words to you, you'd blush and tear my world in two, But fair enough, you've got no time for the insects that worship you. So as I crawl along your bedroom floor, Desperation and all, I glare at the tapestries that line your four walls, I get the words I want to say locked around my jaw, Displaying all my flaws, as I go in search of yours, But your words are innocent, never have you harmed me, In fact you taught me compassion for the people that ignore me, Yet I still plan to coat my room with your cuticle, You're beautiful and graceful, I'm in love and mistaken. Though I've tried my hardest to impress you with my style, I've come to realise that you will never be mine, And all of the words that I've learnt to seem learned, Were pointless and pedestrian, your eyes are averted, So as they wander round the room, I continue to be amazed by you, With that flower tattoo gracing your pelvis, Staining your innocence, inticing my feelings, If I pull you closer, will you fall for me? In this tired party, this drunken scene. It's not enough, and I don't think that I'll ever be, I turn and see you kiss another man right infront of me, Tragedy encompass me, and hold me tight so I can't breathe, 'Cause another step alone would be plain embarrassing, And though he's not a looker, and is just looking to fuck her, She runs her hands along his waist and pulls him over like a jumper, I indulge that I can be a lonely person, But I still find solace in interspersion, Total immersion in a holder of affection, Or just time spending time with a lover or whatever, But as my find myself totally fixed on your choice, And watch as he revels in his victory, rejoice, 'Cause as you turn away from him and pull yourself in close, I see his eyes stare towards the girl he truely loves. This is my chance to get what I deserve, You should be within my arms, my trophy, my girl, So I let slip from between my lips, that this man has his own predicaments, Then watch you cry with closed eyes, and feelings that are mixed, Because you've established that all this was just a weak fabric, And one loose thread gently picked on, Would undo everything that you thought you'd won, So I'll crawl in and become a shoulder to cry on, Force my feelings to be reflected with fathom. Okay, now what? I got the girl, Confusion and I'm adament I'm living in a dream world, Where roses have thorns that inject endorphins, But pain is an orphan, so you only feel awesome, As I grapple with this thought and the irony of it all, Plus the fact that I find all kinds of safety in the freefall, Protection in infection, but when you leave me I'll be cured, And I'm not sure that I'll be able to scoure this land anymore, Searching for another one of those women in red, Who'll intice me with her words until I fall for what she said, No longer a bachelor, but so enthralled with her, Her blonde hair and her blank stare still leave me impared, And thinking of when she leaves me deserted and scared, So I'll just take the time to make sure that she stays mine, And tattoo her awkward speech along my weary spine. And still you expect me to please you, hold you, tease you, And generally complete you, But that's not gonna happen in this lifetime, I've done my time for the lies that I inspired, And even if you look for me to change, I'd rather rot or be declared insane for ever uttering your name, After the words "I love you" so now I'll live infame, Whatever happened to us? We got lost in our lust, And the strange disgust that we both have for us, We both declared distrust and blushed in the rush, But still I'm not a man to give up, Or give into relaxing, questioning your passion, And your satisfaction, I'd pay for self esteem and ego, 'Cause everywhere that I go, I'm called an anti-hero, Fuck this, you can do much better, I'm synthetic and you deserve leather, But I'll be here if you come back home, I'll be tired, undesired and all on my own. So as I lay having the worst sleep of my life, My head bursting with regret as I remember what my life's like, Suppressing my anger and the need for a knife fight, Meaning she gets the grief while I'm stubborn and childlike, I don't think I've ever felt so awake, With a headache, so I turn and wake to pass my problems like a magistrate, Predictably, she's upset that I've taken her from rest, But really I did that months ago and since we've been distressed, I clamber for my clothes and get myself dressed, As I decide it's best to just leave alone this mess, She smiles, kisses me and assures I'll be okay, But all I want right now is some kind of getaway. Yes I've illustrated love the past few months, Breathing as my dying lungs take in their humble lunch, Fed with weightless oxygen to power all my limbs, But love is painted differently, along with desire for sins, I stay asleep as a rancid girl strokes my filthy face, After a long night of forcing circles into other shapes, When I wake I'll undoubtedly writhe around this bed, Looking for some kind of comfort in parcetamol mattress, And as I leave this place diseased, I won't know what lies in store for me, As all my feelings expand and break, Who knows how many random girls I'll kiss to feel the same. Whatever happened to the kissing? Our open mouth tongue licking? It's ironic yet fitting that we're tongue tied and unwitting, And yeah I know, I'm not aware I'm being a fuck sometimes, But isn't that what caught your eye that night, isn't that what made you fantasize? I've reduced myself to booze, but you've got your problems too, You just cruise and smoke through, becoming cancerous and confused, Another day is a write off, cause last night I drank too much, Misunderstood and lovestruck, basically a dumbfuck, Caught up in mistrust, my lies are being punished, But last night I found a girl that left me astonished, She just brushed me to the side after the nights events, So again I find myself in the same goddamn predicament, I like your scent, your dress sense, your accent, The way that your speech level increases with each breath, The fact that you've never even held a cigarette, You're the opposite of what I have, so basically you're perfect, Now I could get involed with you, Tell lies to you like I usually do, But I don't wanna force a draw, I don't wanna change you at all, I just want to form a mosaic to cover the skin that lines my walls, But once more independance overrides naivity, Until I can convince her of my supposed decency. I'm just so tired and I feel so vacant, Like some kind of decadent excuse for a vagrant, As I take ever decreasing steps on this pavement, Trying to find a fling that isn't laced with hatred, This relationship is dull and unfulfilling, But I masquerade grandure so I don't seem unwilling, Yes, I know it's ruthless and even disrespectful, But with a leash so tightly round your neck, the answer's pretty simple, You find yourself thinking it's deplorable at least, So eventually you have to find some way to be released, And I found that release in the form of a brazen brunette, With a charming lick of her lips, she winked like a connoisseur of sex, Blatantly she'll fall for me, no period of latency, Only ignorance and naivety, I definitely won't sleep lonely. To be continued...
I think it's all pretty good but I'm not sure which stanzas I'd pick to move forward with. Also I think some of the lines seem as if you were trying to make them rhyme too hard but other than that I think it's a pretty good set of lyrics there.