The Advice Thread (formerly GSYWTLO)

Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by Derek, Dec 5, 2009.

  1. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Welcome back to LPA *big hug*.

    If he's cheating on you, I'd confront him. Tell him how you feel about it and see if you can get him to admit to it. If he refuses to change, four years or not...you need to leave him. I wouldn't stick with someone who didn't care about me. Just saying.
     
  2. Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    I want someone who will love ME more than anything. I want to be everything for them, like they would be for me.

    I've been faithful to him this whole time... the wierdest thing is that he wants me to go off and have a little extra-love life... he just doesn't understand that it doesn't appeal to me as much as to him... I guess I'll have to start cutting ties...

    Grr...

    Thank you for the hug. I need it! *hugs*

    oh!! AND he even said he wanted to get me a bigger diamond ring!

    and he said that he "needs a friend, not a jealous gf"

    wtf is that supposed to mean?
     
  3. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Tell him "this jealous girlfriend is going to be leaving your ass soon if you don't start showing her some respect". See how he reacts to that.

    And if he doesn't, leave him, and sell his ring. Fuck him...and find better. You deserve better. Way better.
     
  4. Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    hehehe. I know, right? I want some devotion!

    I am seriously, like the best gf ever. wild and refined. I don't understand how I don't fill all of his needs! I do everything! From riding Harleys together to helping with homework to cooking gormet meals! I'm like "Super Girlfriend!"

    Pfft!
     
  5. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    There we go! Use that confidence to either kick the fucker to the curve or find someone new. You know you're good, now get someone who deserves you.
     
  6. Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    The question remains, is there really someone out there? I thought this was the someone out there, and I guess I was wrong. ....
     
  7. Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    If you found out who he was wasn't what you really want from him, or if the fact that he lied and you discovered it, then you should talk to him, and..well, I'm sure a break-up is likely. I mean, what, Cheaters are..well, something isn't right.

    :hug:

    Holy shit, Cooking, Smart, Motorcycles? I'm sure you rightfully can claim title to "super girlfriend" :lol:

    We're all still young, looking for Mr. Right isn't gonna be something we're gonna get, more often, it'll come in time.

    Don't give up. Just because he isn't the one, doesn't mean there isn't Mr.right out there. :)
     
  8. Arlene

    Arlene Oh what tangled webs we weave LPA Super Member

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    :unsure: I definitely know the feeling. I was with someone for 2.5 years and he was cheating on me the entire time, even though I pretended not to know. It's such a degrading feeling. I'm so sorry. What are you gonna do?

    :hug:

    edit:

    I just saw your post wondering if there is someone out there, and yes, 100% yes, there is. I just recently found someone who is absolutely amazing. I find no fault in him and he cares for me and he doesn't expect anything more from me or need anything else from anyone else. He respects me, unlike my ex boyfriend. I know that there is someone out there looking for what you want, and will show you the love, devotion, and respect that you deserve.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2010
  9. Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    Thanks guys. <3
     
  10. moniku

    moniku Well-Known Member

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    Long time no see LPA. I'm so grateful for the existence of this thread. Doesn't seem like any more angry blog posts or complaining to my irl friends about this will get me anywhere, since most people avoid commenting or giving advice. Hoping I might get actual responses or ideas to what I'm about to describe?

    This concerns me and a guy who rejected my feelings for him. Why he did so was because of our age difference (he's 4 years older than me; I was 17 then, so do the math) and only saw me as a little sister. Although he did admit that he realized my feelings for him pretty early on, eventually he saw it wasn't going to work out. Also, he described it as being against his morals because I was too young and I completely understand that. You may think the difference isn't that big and it'll only get smaller in the future, but the stages of our lives we're in aren't going to work out nicely. I'm just entering college and he's starting out in the real world, so yeah.

    Infatuation
    At one point of our infatuation phase, he asked me out, but I had to reject from my parents disapproval and I guess that gave him a red light. So then, he started to talk about ANOTHER girl he had liked to a long time and often left me crying every night. Eventually it came to the point where I knew there was no hope for me being with him, so I just confessed. Unfortunately I couldn't confess to him in person because we weren't going to see each other any time soon. I told him on FB, as cheesy as that sounds, but he called me later that night just to get thing straightened out and apologized. He even checked up on me for all the days after because he felt really bad about it, which I thought was sweet.

    After
    It took me a long time to get over him, months even. It was even worse because before he asked me out and everything went downhill, I had bought a small gift w/a note that I'd use for my confession the next time I saw him. I kept on looking at it lying hidden in my room and asked myself what I was going to do with it. Honestly, I couldn't give it to any other guy. It was specifically chosen for him and I hated myself for somewhat wasting my time. However, I contacted him a few weeks after saying that I had it and wanted to give it to him still. He said that he'll accept it and cherish it forever because I was the first girl who had ever done something like that. Before I met up with him again and gave it though, I re-wrote the note saying that although he rejected me, I hope we'll remain friends and promised to be there in case he needed someone.

    Unfortunately that's something I kind of regret.

    Why I think he's bullshit
    I guess within the time from then to now, he has met both my Mom and my brother and they seem to like him. But they still think he's too old for me. Sometimes this guy talked about that girl he mentioned way back when and how he wants to confess his feelings for her.

    Now, I guess he's trying to get a cue from me, but his situation is totally different. You see, she isn't available first of all, meaning she HAS a boyfriend currently...and he's thinking of confessing his feelings. I kept on warning him from the beginning not to do that because it's such a stupid move. Even if it takes a huge burden off knowing she's aware, I'm pretty sure it'll either cause the boyfriend to get jealous or her to possibly hate him. Also, from what he's done already, I think the girl is pretty much aware of them, but it's probably why she always makes excuses of not being able to see him when he invites her. She wants to avoid the drama and trouble. But he just can't see that!!! But besides that, I got tired of him talking about her. I was hurting still and I couldn't believe he didn't realize that it hurt me the most, even more than the actual rejection. Plus, he acted as if it were A OK to do so. I knew he wouldn't even listen to my advice anyways.

    I also realized that after he rejected me, that although he knew about my feelings, that he continued to talk sweet and started mentioning this girl to possibly counter them. A lot of my friends say he had used me in that sense, since he also has this ego problem. I feel as if he wants my constant approval, but it's kind of frustrating when you know he's asking/acting up on purpose.

    Avoiding him + now
    Because of that, I started to avoid him completely. I ignored his calls, messages, everything. I didn't want to delete him off FB to make myself look suspicious, so I just hid him off my news feed so he won't get updates from me nor will I from him. I think that was extremely effective and I'm glad I did so. I became a million times more happier and confident about myself being single.

    That worked for a couple of months, but out of nowhere he started contacting me again. Why I don't like it is because often he says stuff like, "I love you; kissy; hello beautiful, I wish I was next to you, ect." He says that he reads my note and listens to the song I gave him whenever he missed me. Also, he constantly says he wants to really see me again and is sad he won't be able to. Unfortunately I can give his words some credit because he had visited me randomly and sometimes asked where I was so we can possibly meet up. One thing I even noticed is that he hasn't mentioned that other girl from then on either.

    But, I'm really just taking it all as essentially nothing. I even get mad and furious when I read these messages, because I feel as if they aren't completely true. Or even if he thinks they are, I refuse to believe them. I guess that's just me being over him, but I really don't know what's he's trying to say anymore...

    Don't you think that this is too much for a brother-sister relationship? Do you think he's regretting ever rejecting me and actually likes me? Or is he acting total bullshit, as I think? What I'm afraid of is the possibility of him pursuing me in the future because I just don't like him in that way anymore. I'm afraid to tell him because I feel as if it's the only way we can be "friends". It might be impossible to see me any lower than he does right now because apparently I'm a very "special/significant person" to him and his life.
     
  11. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    I think he's acting total bullshit and you need to move forward and find somebody else. You've spent way too much time trying to get something to happen with him, and his resistance (plus his going off for another girl) proves that his heart isn't totally in the same place as you.

    It might be hard on you, and hell it might even hurt...but you need to do yourself a favor and get something better.
     
  12. moniku

    moniku Well-Known Member

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    Well, I totally intend to. (I'm sure he isn't worth my time or commitment anymore.) But just not at the moment. I guess I'm looking, but don't feel ready for a relationship just yet. I'm just starting to enjoy myself again. Unfortunately I think he's going to get hurt more in the long run, as he always does. I know for a fact I'm a lot stronger than he'll ever be. (and that really turns me off, actually...so it's not going to work out at all.)
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2010
  13. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Then you know what you have to do, and that is stay strong and make yourself better. Enjoy the single life and don't worry about him.
     
  14. Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    I agree with Derek!

    As Lady Gaga would say: Don't sleep with a man that dims your shine!

    I like that quote. It applies so well. ^_^

    You need to go out and start enjoying your life! This is the first spring in years that I'm starting to come out of a severe depression, it is important to take advantage of feeling better!!!
     
  15. moniku

    moniku Well-Known Member

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    Haha, never thought Lady Gaga could apply to the situation, but thank you both!!! :)
     
  16. Gloomy Mushroom

    Gloomy Mushroom Absolute Zero LPA Super VIP

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    Oh my God, I had such a scare with Mia this morning. She wouldn't wake up. She went to bed last night at 7, woke up at 4.30 to have a feed and it was 9.30 and she wouldn't wake up. I would poke her and she would stir. So I called up my midwife almost in tears and by the time I rang my stepdad to tell my Mum, I was in tears. I didn't know if she had been bitten or something, she wasn't showing any signs of a bite or a fever, I was almost pulling my hair out and hyperventilating. By the time the midwives came over, about 10 minutes later, she had woken up. She had a reaction to the anti-constipation stuff I had given her, so I've had to half the dosage. I've had one hell of a morning.
     
  17. Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    Updates...

    So...

    I had a nightmare about everything and talked to him honestly...Putting every little fear I had out on the table and admitting to looking in his phone...

    I don't think he knew what sort of situation he was getting himself into and how it was killing me.

    ...She's officially turned into a stalker now... He said "I might be down to visit some family around May 7th" and she took that as her needing to take the whole week off of work and to come 400miles to come up to visit! WTF?!?!?

    I had to tell him how obsessed she is!... He just didn't see it until I pointed out the signs...Now he kind of understands where I'm coming from. I think he was just so stuck in his only-child mentality that he wasn't thinking about me or my feelings at all!

    But He says that he is going to "take care of it." That he is going to "fix this." That he "shouldn't be doing something he feels guilty about." That if it's killing me than he shouldn't be doing it. That he is (pardon me) a "bastard whore." ...and some other things...

    ......I'm still mad at him... and he still wants to see her "one more time" before telling her "the truth" about the situation.

    He thinks that if he tells her that he's basically been using her for sex and a place to stay and that he is totally devoted to me and that he doesn't want a relationship with her, that she will just go away... but I am not so sure! I don't think she's even going to hear him... she's going to hear whatever the fuck she want's to hear! and live in her own little fantasy about what is going on!

    You know SHE still thinks that he's lying to me and that they are having some sort of secret affair. Even when he tells her that I know she treats it like I'm in the dark.

    If she wasn't such an underhanded c*nt! than maybe I wouldn't have such a HUGE problem with her being around! I KNOW she is a liar and a cheat! Whether or not my bf wants to admit it to himself yet! From the first day I met her she's been trying to steal my bf away from me! She has been putting ALL the moves on him! From asking him "Do you cheat on your girl?" on my BIRTHDAY at MY PARTY! To arriving at his hotel room on one of the few nights I did not accompany him. And he STILL didn't fuck her until everyone in the goddamned town accused them of doing it together already. And I know she's lying about being on birth control...I just feel it in my gut! I'm good at sensing things and this feels like a red strobe light in my head! >_<

    Pfft! I'm just so pissed off at the whole situation!

    Maybe I'll get a bf on the side. Show him what it fucking feels like to have someone trying to steal ME away!

    Fucking Bitches... :angry:
     
  18. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Eh the whole "see her one more time" reads to me as "fuck her one more time". I don't trust this at all Holiday and I think he's trying to take advantage of your kindness and understanding. I also don't think someone would drive 400 miles away unless given ample reason to come up.

    It's up to you as to who to trust and how to handle this, but it just reeks of weirdness and dishonesty to me.

    That's horrible. Glad the little one is alright.
     
  19. Ophelia

    Ophelia LPA Super VIP LPA Super VIP

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    Hugs Sarah. That's really scary. I'm glad shes ok though.
     
  20. SecondCityKids

    SecondCityKids Hey John, What's Your Name Again? LPA Super Member

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    So I don't know if I should be mad at my friend Mike or not. This one girl(who is friends with Mike's girlfriend) named Marija wants to start a band with me. She will play bass and Lauren(mike's girlfriend) will be the singer. I think it's cool and it's nothing serious just summer fun to take up my and Marija's time. We need a drummer so I recruited my friend Justin(who is also friends with Mike). With 4 people in the line-up this might be a real thing. but Mike is throwing a rain on everyone's parade because he doesn't feel comfortable with his gf being in a band with I and Justin. I think thats some bullshit because 1) I wouldn't do anything with his girlfriend 2) i don't even find his girlfriend attractive and 3) Justin also feels the same. I'm more attracted to Marija and thats why I'm so cool with the idea plus it seems like alot of fun. Why does Mike have to be a little bitch about the whole thing. I mean this isn't like serious or anything but I'm still mad about it
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2010

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